3 days ago
- Entertainment
- The Herald Scotland
Guess the reason behind New York cabbie's claim to fame...
The Diary is now eagerly awaiting the Scottification of other notable works of fantasy.
Very soon we are sure to be watching an improved movie version of C.S. Lewis's classic yarn… The Highland Cow, The Witch and the Wardrobe.
And instead of hobbits travelling to the evil land of Mordor, there will be an iteration of The Lord of the Rings where a fellowship of small hairy men called the nesbitts make their way from Glasgow into the heinous kingdom of England.
Of course, Scotland doesn't just specialise in fantasy fiction.
We're also a dab hand at gritty realism, as you'll now discover by reading the following classic tales from our archives…
Waterworks don't work
A Canada-based reader visiting Scotland was on the train from Oban to Glasgow where two chaps were in a desperate hurry to get past the refreshment trolley in order to get to the toilet.
'After some shuffling and shunting,' said our reader, 'the Glesga wummin in charge of the trolley managed to let them past, interrupting her sales patter just long enough to announce to everyone in the carriage, 'Thae men – their prostates are a' gone', then carried on selling coffee and sandwiches.'
Added our reader: 'I sat with my legs tight crossed until we got to Glasgow.'
Foreign affairs
A woman in a Glasgow coffee shop was heard telling her friend that she went to see her doctor about a back pain, and he recommended she see a chiropractor.
'I swear,' she added, 'for a few seconds I thought he was wanting to send me to Egypt.'
The fame game
An East Kilbride reader got into a cab in New York and noticed from the driver's licence that he was named Robert Burns.
Making conversation, our reader said: 'That's a famous name you have.'
'It should be,' replied the chap, 'I've been driving a cab here for nearly 40 years.'
Horsing around
Will the poor folk at Tesco never catch a break?
A reader told us: 'Seen leaving Lochgilphead last Saturday… the white articulated Tesco delivery truck with the additional text, graffiti-style, along the length of the trailer, hand-written in the traffic grime: 'Caution – horses in transit'.'
The absolute goat
A reader found herself living on the outskirts of New Orleans, and once glanced out the window and spotted a goat grazing in the garden.
She chased it away, then a short while later a neighbour rung the doorbell and said: 'I know you're from a foreign country, so I thought I'd let you know that the animal in your yard this morning is called a goat, and it's relatively harmless.'
Our reader thanked him kindly.
