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Boston Globe

Maybe AI can help you date – with apps and in real life

SWIPED OUT Related : A. I've been thinking about artificial intelligence a lot, mainly because of some survey results I've been sitting with. Match and the Advertisement Many of us freak out and think, 'Oh no! People are getting robot boyfriends and won't be able to relate to humans anymore.' But a lot of what AI is used for is practice , it seems. They ask AI to help them with a response to a dating profile question. They ask how some might interpret tone. They dabble in conversation. As we know, AI is not always on the mark, but it's a way to test a thought. It also comes up with some fairly good ideas for date activities. I have no problem with the ethics of using AI for this, within reason. It's great for people who might want to try a few one-liners after matching with someone online. Advertisement I suspect it also helps prepare you for in-person interaction. If you're more confident in your responses in writing, it starts to cross over. The other thing to know about in-person charm: Most people are a mess at it. I suspect that those who seem smooth are actually spinning in circles on the inside. Please take a deep breath and know you're not alone. Or say what you feel. We hosted a 'Materialists' movie screening the other night, and at some point before the event I felt socially weird and stood outside. A person with a ticket came up to me and said hello, and I think I said, 'Sorry I'm standing outside; I am socially overwhelmed because I worked from home all day, and now I'm little weirdo.' They were like, 'Same.' So there you go. Most people are second-guessing themselves and thinking 'same.' Except for the AI. The AI is quite confident. Related : MEREDITH READERS RESPOND: Realize that most people are socially uncertain and also just making it up as they go along. The notion that everyone is a social star except for us is a common misperception. Then practice. Conversational skills can be learned. Read, see movies, chat with strangers, make comments to people, seem friendly, and soon it will become much more comfortable. WIZEN Shy or not, you still have to make decisions. Maybe dating apps aren't for you. But if you want to meet people, you'll have to get out there somehow. It seems obvious, but what are your hobbies/interests? Explore those in a low-pressure environment where the emphasis isn't on dating or hooking up. Advertisement EMPRESSETHEL Not to oversimplify, but if you need time to get to know someone then you will be best served in environments that support that. Volunteer, join groups; anything else that allows you to have time with someone will better serve you. SUNALSORISES No one is 'impossibly shy.' Just shy. Get it in your mind that you don't need to blow someone away with the initial 30 seconds. Eye contact, a gentle smile, and 'hello' is all that's required. JIM501 If you don't like what's going on online, don't use it. Some sites offer more of a matching/screening process thru, e.g., questionnaires or are smaller communities built around a mutual interest. They may charge a fee. But dating sites are just one of the many ways to meet people. Consider: Do you even want to date? The reality is it is challenging at times. Maybe just making friends first is better for you. JIVADIVA Send your own relationship and dating questions to or Catch new episodes of wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from .