21-05-2025
'Clarkson's Farm returns for its most knockabout series yet'
If you've been watching the latest series of Britain's Got Talent (yes, it is still on), and you've been worrying about the long term prospects for live entertainment in Britain, I may have some encouraging news for you. When it comes to quality, it would appear that theatre audiences are not actually that fussy these days.
Well, not if the short clip from Kaleb Cooper's live tour, which pops up in the new run of Clarkson's Farm, is anything to go by. It shows a packed crowd of punters at the Warwick Arts Centre absolutely lapping it up as Kaleb leads them in a karaoke chorus of The Wurzels' 1976 novelty smash The Combine Harvester (Brand New Key).
Admittedly, as it was only a brief clip we probably shouldn't judge Cooper's show on that musical vignette alone. I know nothing about his other agriculturally themed material, although I would be mightily disappointed if there wasn't some kind of educational skit called Arable Histories in there.
More importantly, as well as delighting the good people of Coventry and beyond, celebrity farmer Cooper's tour provided some handy storyline jeopardy for the fourth series of Jeremy Clarkson's award-winning farming diary which launches on Prime Video tomorrow (23 May).
With Cooper away on the road for a couple of months at least, the first episode opens with Clarkson facing a pressing dilemma. Should he splash some of his tight budget on a temporary replacement or save some cash by attempting to perform Cooper's many duties on Diddly Squat Farm himself?
Obviously, Clarkson's frugal Yorkshire ways and the film crew's need for drama dictates that the latter option is chosen. With predictable results. Clarkson duly spends a fruitless first day shouting instructions at his stoutly indifferent livestock and spectacularly failing to plough and plant his government-subsidised field.
To be fair, Clarkson proves quite good at what he likes to call "shovelling s***", but, by the end of the day, even he admits defeat. "Turns out I'm not Jethro Tull," Clarkson sighs. "I'm just a hapless f***wit." With that he instructs his long-suffering farm manager Charlie Ireland to "Go and find somebody to give me a hand."
That's when the new star of the show arrives. Ireland (somehow) manages to quickly recruit for Jeremy a young, ballsy and blonde Derbyshire farmer called Harriet Cowan — and the first two episodes are instantly sorted for entertainment.
Cowan is exactly what Clarkson — and this show — needs. Someone who knows exactly what they are doing, who has very little time for the shortcomings of the bumbling and bungling idiot she has been paired up with. Of course, this being reality TV, most viewers will need to take a giant leap of faith to believe that this is an entirely serendipitous meeting of minds.
That blow is soon softened by the fact that Cowan is a TV natural who possesses excellent comic timing and a BS radar that can detect a waft from a country mile away. That she has Clarkson's measure is clear from their very first conversation.
"You've seen Clarkson's Farm," is his opening gambit — and it feels like more of a statement than a question. "I've seen the funny moments on YouTube," is her rather unconvincing and ambiguous answer.
By the time Cowan has teamed up with Clarkson's partner Lisa in the second episode to tease him about his ignorance of porcine gynaecology, he is firmly at the "roll me over and tickle my belly" stage of subjugation.
At this point, had the promo trailers not already given the game away, you might find yourself wondering how much fun it might be if Cooper was to stay on the road a little longer and thus prolong Harriet's cameo. That said, I've only seen the first four episodes. There's every chance the producers will have found a way to ensure she also remains on the scene until the end of the run.
Knowing Clarkson, I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up offering her a front of house role in his latest money-making scheme. He wants to open his own pub, complete with its own restaurant and shop, which will of course sell Diddly Squat products.
This will not be a surprise to keen Clarkson watchers, obviously. Thanks to the fact that there probably isn't a publication in Britain that has not reviewed it by now, we all know he did indeed open a pub, The Farmer's Dog on the A40, last August.
Luckily, there is enough entertaining content in Clarkson and partner Lisa Hogan's search for a suitable property to make up for the feeling that we're watching old news unfold.
Most of that entertainment is provided by Lisa and her delightful way with words. "The only thing that would help this s***hole is a wrecking ball," is her short verdict after one particularly uninspiring viewing.
Even when they finally find the one that they want, she's not exactly doing cartwheels in the beer garden: "I like it, Jeremy. Don't f*** it up."
As ever, there are plenty of other laughs to be had in these first four instalments. In fact, it is shaping up to be the most knockabout series of Clarkson's Farm so far. I wouldn't say the joke is always at Clarkson's expense, but we're probably talking 85 to 90%.
He takes it well though. Partly, I suspect, because he has a good sense of humour, but mainly because he knows it's what the viewers want to see.
Even when he does come up with a good gag of his own — calling a runty and stunted piglet Richard Ham — he is blown out of the water by Hogan, who comes up with a much better sobriquet for one of the other pigs.
She takes one look at the bullying boar that is terrorising the females in its pen, and promptly names it Harvey Swinestein. I'm guessing one of those piggy pet names sailed past the Amazon lawyers far more easily than the other.
Clarkson's Farm S4 episodes 1-4 are available 23 May, episodes 5-6 available 30 May, and episodes 7-8 available 6 June exclusively on Prime Video.
