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Inside BTS RM's quiet storm: Revisiting his 2018 Mono mixtape — a bittersweet letter to the lost and lonely

Whenever you hear RM's tracks, you might recall Jimin looking at him quietly during the preparation of Right Place, Wrong Person. Jimin just says, 'Everyone's just waiting for you to be okay.' The words carry the weight of the years. It's what his members, and ARMY have just been wishing for, in the past few years, as we gradually understand the rapper and songwriter more. In front of cameras—whether speaking to interviewers or during Weverse Lives—RM is poetic. He comforts, he sends love to ARMYs, promises to be their light, occasionally hinting at the rather difficult struggles he is facing behind the scenes, mentioning that he cannot really reveal it, one notable conversation being in September 2022, on his birthday. Sometimes, the sadness bursts out of him, as he once relived reading criticism, hearing it daily, people questioning BTS's decision to serve in the military. Privacy is a thing of the past; his life is now for the public to dissect and consume. Rage bursts forth, as we saw in the Busan concert: But never in words. It's through his songs. We only know piercing fragments—glimpses from his cryptic Instagram stories and the songs that mirror his state of mind. And yet, through these scattered moments, we begin to see the real Kim Nam-joon—the person behind the rapper who wields his pen like a sword. We understand why he chose to pause BTS activities, as he shared during BTS Festa 2022: he wanted the group to rediscover their meaning, rather than become mechanical and lose their purpose. During that time, he quietly stepped back from his bandmates to reset and recentre himself. And still, even while struggling, he showed up for ARMY, saying, 'I've handled this for years—don't worry about me.' But ARMY continues to worry while admiring him more each day, and trace his feelings through his songs, and his latest track with Tablo, Stop The Rain was a devastatingly raw insight into his depression, with thoughts of the '27 club'—referring to the singers who died tragically by the time they were that age. Yet, for new ARMYs, o truly understand this depth, we have to go back—before Indigo, before RPWP —to the quiet melancholy of Mono. The Mono era It came as a surprise, when RM made the announcement to release Mono. It was a far cry from his previous mixtape RM, which was a rather aggressive and rage-filled series of tracks. And for most ARMY's it became a source of strength, with many holding on to the lyrics for healing. A glance through Twitter and Reddit would see fans still praising the songs, calling it 'exquisite', distinct and what saved many of them during difficult times. Tokyo Tokyo, a moody brooding tune with RM's low vocals, and a plucking of the shamisen. The theme of the song is loneliness, and the words are seeped in poetic sadness. RM just questions his existence, and uses the rather poignant statement, 'Ash is a thing that one day we should all be'. These aren't the only lines that reverberate. There's a sense of weariness and indifference, as he asks why love and hate sound the same. The ending of the song is haunting—almost a whistle—as RM leaves you alone lost in his thoughts. The title is Tokyo, because Tokyo in Hangul translates to the state of longing—a theme that runs throughout his mixtape. Enough said. Seoul Following this, we have the track, Seoul. Keeping true to his ability to play around with words, he interchanges soul and Seoul often. Throughout the song, he explores a rather bittersweet connection to the city as well as his own 'soul'. He says he hates it, but he loves it too. This song is a little more hopeful and upbeat , as he shows that he and the city are one now. He wants you to join his world of Seoul—the soul of Seoul—flawed and perfect as it is. Moonchild Another quiet and haunting song, RM once described the song as the liberating feeling at night. It's about getting away from shackles. It's for people who feel freedom at night, he had said. It's ironic, considering that we almost always hear the cliched phrase that morning follows the night—but RM turned that thought on its head. The moon will rise—and with it, your era. There's so much more to you, because…you are you. Moonchild, you shine. As always, RM's tracklist feels like a long, conversation with himself—sometimes an argument—and yet, a little peace wins at the end. We might not know the real Kim Nam-joon like Jimin does, but Mono, Indigo