9 hours ago
Forget Push Presents, Newborns Are ‘Giving' Their Older Siblings Gifts To Ease Their Arrival
Sibling dynamics are always tough to navigate, regardless of their birth order or the age gap between them. And no matter how parents try to prep a child to welcome their new sibling, it really is hard to predict how they will respond to the life-change.
However, some parents are opting to do a spin on the push present approach by gifting their first child before making the sibling introduction.
One couple recently shared a TikTok of the gifting route they took to introduce their newborn to their daughter, and it's getting a lot of attention. We spoke with experts to get insight on if this gifting strategy has merit.
The TikTok, shared by @lianev, has garnered over 10.5M views and 1.6M likes to this point. It involves the parents, who had just given birth, taking a moment to center their young daughter, Zaia as she first enters the hospital room. She doesn't yet see her new baby brother, Zaiden lying in the bassinet beside her mother's hospital bed. She's just happy to be with them again.
The parents welcome Zaia with an embrace and give her a gift they say is "from her baby brother." It's a stuffed strawberry, which is her favorite fruit.
"Thank you Zaiden," says the excited big sister, right before her parents introduce her to her brother.
As the video ends, we see what looks like a very happy Zaia showering her sibling with affection as text on screen says, "We always let her hold him when she asks and we involve her in caring for the baby 🩵"
Most commenters on the TikTok praise the parents for their intentionality in setting a pleasant emotional tone from the beginning, and not leaving room for jealousy to enter.
One commenter writes, 'sibling jealousy is so real, it's important that this is a big day for her as well she's a big sister now! Her best friend for life - she just doesn't know it yet! Equal attention is important, kids do not know what to expect when becoming a sibling. Sharing the attention that was once all yours.'
Others share their own personal experiences, with one writing: 'toddler jealousy and the terrible way in which my parents handled it when my sister came to the world is the reason we have 0 relationships with my sister… and this hurts'.
'Toddler jealousy is a real life thing because my sister tried to hurt me when I was born and locked me in a room,' recalls another.
Despite the efforts to avoid it, Roseann Capanna-Hodge, Ed.D., Pediatric Mental Health Expert, says toddler jealousy is actually totally normal.
'It's not 'bad' behavior, it's a nervous system response," she explains. "Their little brain is wondering, 'Do I still matter?' And if we try to shut that down, it only adds stress.'
She encourages the parents she works with to name the feeling and lead with connection.
'Say, 'It's okay to feel that way. You are so loved, and there's more than enough love for both of you.' That's how we build secure, resilient kids, as well as build connections between siblings.'
Regarding the TikTok video, Dr. Capanna-Hodge says the moment was clearly planned with care and it worked. 'The parents created a calm, emotionally safe space that allowed their toddler to meet her baby brother in a way that felt warm and pressure-free," she notes. "Her question, 'Where's my gift?' was met with calm, not correction. The parents didn't flinch, because they knew connection mattered more than anything. I tell parents all the time, 'regulated parents raise regulated kids.'"
Trisha Sanders, LCSW, Director of Whole Family Therapy and Wellness in New Jersey, adds that it's encouraging to see parents making attempts to be conscious and thoughtful about the needs of their older child.
'These parents are clearly trying to empathize with their toddler and letting their choices be guided by how they imagine their toddler will feel about the arrival of the new baby," she says. "The reality is that adding a new baby to the family is a huge and often difficult transition for older siblings. Jealousy is an understandable emotional reaction in this process and trying to eliminate it should not be a parent's goal.'
While much of parents' energy is understandably reserved for acclimating their newborn to the world, Sanders says it's best to also stay attuned to the older child's unique needs and feelings, allowing them to provide adequate support through the process.
'Consciously creating a pleasant introduction to the baby can certainly be helpful, but their desired results are not promised and it's only one moment of many that must be considered.'
Sanders also praised the TikTok parents' intentional decisions that she says will likely yield positive outcomes–such as having mom's arms be free to hug Zaia when she walked into the room, and allowing her to take the lead in holding the baby.
'[Prioritizing] the reconnection of mom and toddler [after being separated during labor] was a truly empathic choice and likely helped the toddler feel valued, potentially reducing jealousy in this moment," Sanders acknowledges. "Empowering the big sister to [hold] her baby brother also emphasized the toddler's actual experience over how one might think a new baby introduction 'should' go.'
However, Sanders warns that while it's a sweet gesture, having the baby 'give' his big sis a gift may have been overselling how awesome it is to have a new baby in the house. It also may reinforce material value over the worth of emotional connection on its own.
'This could set a precedent in which the toddler expects the baby to continue to get her toys in order to stay in her good graces," Sanders notes. "These unintended results are in no way guaranteed, but they are possible.'
Dr. Capanna-Hodge recommends skipping the gifts altogether, agreeing that the moment shouldn't be about stuff or walking into a staged display of affection. It should be about reconnecting. She suggests parents should instead offer their child affirmations such as: 'You're such an important part of today,' or 'Your baby brother is so lucky to have you as his sister.'
"[This] helps them feel safe and seen," says Dr. Capanna-Hodge. "When they feel connected, they'll welcome the baby in their own time and in their own way.'
Read the original article on Parents
