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The Hindu

The importance of being non-judgmental

For many of us, an internal judge resides within our heads and is busy from morning to dusk. Both trivial and significant events get parsed into categories of 'good' and 'bad'. If things go as expected, we cruise through the day, taking a lot of things for granted. The moment something is off kilter, negativity in various guises kicks in. Even small inconveniences, like a stove not working, can rattle us because our inner judge deems it 'bad'. Likewise, our interactions with people are also sorted as positive or negative based on how we feel. Are there costs to being overly judgmental? In a post on the blog Zen Habits, author Leo Babauta urges us to adopt a more non-judgmental attitude to both positive and negative events, so that we stop bracketing events, people and phenomena as 'good' and 'bad'. Instead, as author Eckhart Tolle says, 'Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.' Though this may be hard to cultivate at first, with practice, our emotions will grow more even-keeled instead of yo-yoing between peaks and valleys. The second shift that Babauta advocates is to let go of expectations, as this frees us from disappointments and frustrations when they aren't met. Having expectations also steers us towards judgment. When our hopes are fulfilled, life seems good. On the other hand, when our desires are dashed, life is bleak. Eliminating expectations helps us become more non-judgmental. Self-reflect Mindfulness meditation teacher Natalia Bojanic outlines the benefits of being non-judgmental in a post on the blog Inform. First, this attitude reduces our stress levels. When we go through difficult times, we are able to notice our thoughts and feelings without necessarily evaluating them. When we are able to distance ourselves from our own ideas and emotions, their hold over us decreases and this, in turn, lowers our stress. Rather than telling ourselves, 'I am stressed', we simply tell ourselves that we are experiencing stress. Though this is a subtle shift, it provides space between ourselves and the hardships we're facing. A non-judgemental approach also allows us to experience self-compassion. Unless we are kind towards ourselves, we cannot extend compassion towards others. In an article in Personality and Individual Differences, psychotherapist Barbara Baraccia and colleagues find that people who are judgmental towards their 'inner experience' of thoughts, feelings and sensations are more prone to anxiety and depression. They also say that we are able to forge and maintain healthier relationships with others when we refrain from categorising people and events as positive or negative. Being non-judgmental helps us empathise more readily with others, thereby reducing misunderstanding and friction. Mindfulness researcher Jon Kabat-Zinn notes in a post on that practising non-judgment helps us become aware of our 'prejudices and fears' and gradually frees us from their shackles. We may recognise our own judgments when we make them without necessarily judging ourselves for it. We simply recognise those thoughts as judgements and carry on with our activity without getting mired by further judgments and emotions. Bojanic also points out that being non-judgmental does not imply that we forsake discernment, which is essential to making wise decisions. Being non-judgmental means that we don't buttress and amplify our 'assessments and evaluations' so that they morph into 'prejudices and preconceptions.' In a post on FamilyLife, Janet Breitenstein points out that judgment usually involves 'condemnation' and is issued from a place of superiority, often ignoring contextual factors. In contrast, discernment requires assessing the pros and cons of a situation through a calm, compassionate and more accepting lens while keeping the broader picture in mind. Whereas discernment motivates you to understand a person or event in depth, judgment entails forming hasty opinions on partial information and holding on to them. Starting each day afresh and approaching each interaction anew can also aid us in our journey of becoming less judgmental. The writer is visiting faculty at the School of Education at Azim Premji University, Bengaluru, and the co-author of Bee-Witched.