Latest news with #aunt
Washington Post
4 days ago
- General
- Washington Post
Carolyn Hax: After her mother's death, a no-show aunt compounds her grief
Dear Carolyn: It has been 3½ years since my mom died in a car accident. We were extremely close. The accident was eight weeks before my wedding and a year before I welcomed my first child. Needless to say, it has been a difficult few years for me — full of numbness and immense grief. Adding to the trauma of losing my wonderful mom so suddenly and right before big life events, my aunt, who lives 40 minutes away, attended my wedding and then completely disappeared from my life. I have no other relatives close by. I have not received one call or text to see how I am coping. Nothing on my mom's birthdays or the anniversaries of her death. She also knew from other relatives that I was pregnant and gave birth to my son but never reached out. Her lack of care has shocked me, even if it has not shocked others. My aunt never seemed overly interested in my brother or me or any extended family, for that matter, but we did see each other a few times a year since my childhood and have always been warm. Since my mom's death, I have been invited by other relatives to family events, which I have turned down because the thought of seeing her after receiving no support in my grief makes me sick to my stomach. I am trying to decide if it is best to confront my aunt with my disappointment, hurt and grief. My aunt's actions (or lack of) have really compounded the trauma surrounding my mom's death. I have learned the past few years that people are scared of grief, and she may be running from her own, but boy, has it made my own healing process harder. — Grieving Daughter Grieving Daughter: I am so sorry about your mom. That is awful. Please forgive me for making this personal: My own mother died right before I remarried and had children, so, while her circumstances allowed time to prepare, I can relate to going through these enormous life changes while grieving Mom. But I am also a pragmatist. (Who still weeps over Mommy.) And here's what I see: You've let your aunt fixation keep you from other family members — who aren't and will never be your mom, of course, but who share in collective memories and could encircle you in your grief and love your kid. That's all you need them to do: be part of your root system, holding you and your boy in place. I understand they don't live close, but they're making themselves available as they can. Ironically, your devastation at not having your aunt there for you as you thought you would has lulled you into not feeding the root system of your child's nuclear family. I hope you see this. I don't mean to minimize what your aunt has done. Of course you're upset. And, by most standards, her behavior is mystifying — an aunt never texts a lousy congrats when her niece, her late sister's kid, gives birth? But throw in the other details you gave, and it seems … less so. She showed little interest before in you or your brother or other family, and then her one real connection died. I think the average, detached observer would find her disappearing act unsurprising. Sad, yes, but still. Or they might ask, was she hoping to hear from you? She lost her sister. You lost your mom. Stranger stalemates have happened. And that's before we factor in the very real phenomenon you identified, that some people respond to death by no-showing everyone they associate with their grief. So my advice is as follows: See her. Not who you imagined you'd have, or wish she had been. Aunt, as is. Then release her accordingly. Relieve yourself of your expectations, hopes, whatever you've carried. Confront her in writing, over and over, unsent, till your words are ready to be said or you no longer need to say them. Grief counseling, even now, could be the best hours you invest in those roots. Dear Carolyn: I am a man, now 85, who can no longer do the little chores around our house. I can't climb a ladder to change a lightbulb. I can't paint the house. Even dusting and vacuuming are chores I find I can't do. My young friends want to step in and help out, and they do. But I feel funny asking anyone. I say thank you and give a hug, but I feel I should do … what? — Old Man Old Man: Thanks and a hug sound right. Maybe lunch. If it's more than a little chore and you can afford it, then offer to pay. If a time comes when 'helping out' isn't enough, then be willing to hire caregivers. Here's why I say this: I hear from a lot of people in your young friends' position, almost daily, and none of them minds being asked. Zero. All they want is for you to be agreeable about accepting help. That is a gift. You are all fortunate to have such generous-minded friends.
Yahoo
26-05-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Dear Abby: My estranged aunt is in hospice care — how should I say goodbye?
DEAR ABBY: What do you say when going to visit a not-so-close relative who is dying? I have an aunt who has been diagnosed with late-stage cancer and has recently gone on hospice. She may have one to four months to live. I used to spend time around her during family functions when I was younger, but I haven't seen her in at least a decade now, although we live in the same town. I'm good at making small talk under normal circumstances and I know how to write nice cards for birthdays and such, but what do you say to someone who's dying whom you haven't talked to in a long time? You can't ask, 'How have you been?' or treat them like it's the last time you'll see them (even if it may be). I'd like to visit her before she passes, but I am at a loss for words. Please help. — CLUELESS NEPHEW IN IDAHO DEAR NEPHEW: Much depends upon the condition your relative is in when you visit. Keep in mind, she may have some things she would like to say to you. That said, some things you might convey: 'Thank you for seeing me. I know it has been some time since we've seen each other, but I wanted to come and tell you how much I always enjoyed and appreciated the time we spent together at all those family functions. Thank you for that. I won't stay long because I don't want you to waste your energy, but you need to know that I love you and always will.' Understand that your presence there is as important as anything you might say to her. Remember that if you get stuck for words. DEAR ABBY: I've been with my husband for 40 years. As in all marriages, we've had our ups and downs, but recently I can hardly stand to be around him. He has been scammed a couple of times, and he gets furious when I try to warn him they are scams. We have separate bank accounts, and I have made him start giving me the money for his share of the household bills when he gets paid so he doesn't blow it. Now if I ask him where he spends his money, he ignores me. Last night, he asked me what I had bought from a specific place. I asked him why I needed to tell him because he doesn't tell me where he spends money. He said, 'Because you're my wife, and I love you.' When I asked why the opposite doesn't seem to apply, he, of course, said nothing. Later, he asked if I was mad, and I told him I'm more hurt than mad. He didn't say anything the rest of the night and today he acts like every other day (which means very little interaction). I don't know what to do anymore. Do you have any advice? — FRUSTRATED WIFE IN IOWA DEAR WIFE: You bet I do. If ever I've heard about a couple who needs marriage counseling, it's the two of you. Marriage and family therapists hear about this sort of thing often. Ask your doctor to refer you to someone licensed and qualified to help you and your husband over this rough patch. DEAR READERS: Along with the millions of Americans who are observing this Memorial Day, I add my own prayer of thanks for those courageous men and women who have sacrificed their lives in service to our country. May they rest in peace. — LOVE, ABBY Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Yahoo
25-05-2025
- Automotive
- Yahoo
Woman Says She Doesn't Want Her ‘Rude and Intrusive' Aunt to Visit After Moving into a New House
A woman shared on the community forum Mumsnet that she recently moved into a new house and doesn't want her "rude" and "intrusive" aunt to visit She explained that her aunt is always asking "nosy" questions about her life, her finances and more The woman asked readers if she's wrong to not want her aunt to see her new homeA woman has had enough of her aunt's "nosy" behavior. She shared her story in a post on the U.K.-based community forum Mumsnet, explaining that she and her husband recently bought a new home — and she's not keen about her aunt visiting because of her propensity to ask prying personal questions. "My aunty is very nosy and I'm not sure if IABU [I am being unreasonable] or if it is just how the older generation are," the OP (original poster) wrote. "She will always ask about work and how much money I make, how much money I have in the bank, etc. I find this really rude and intrusive." She said that now that she has a new house, she knows her aunt and uncle "will want to visit to have a good nose [around] and ask a bunch of questions." "I am not really comfortable with this, and DH [dear husband] finds them both rude. It is harmless — it's just more annoying than anything else," the OP wrote. She shared that her mom's theory on the situation is that her aunt "hates the thought of anyone else in the family earning more money than her own kids and having a better house." The OP noted that when she previously purchased a new car, her aunt asked her mom a series of questions such as what the make of the vehicle was and how much it cost — behavior she found "very weird." Seeking advice and opinions, she concluded her post by asking, "[Am I being unreasonable] to not want them to come round?" Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. In the comments, many people agreed with the OP's mom's suggestion that her aunt sees everything as a competition within the family. "Your mum is right. People who are that intrusive and want all the details are desperate to make sure you're not doing better financially than they are. One-upmanship is a boring game, and I really wouldn't want to bother with her," one person wrote. Several commenters advised the OP to be direct with her aunt and firmly tell her that such personal questions make her uncomfortable. "If they do come round, and that's a big if, then when they start asking just say please stop asking so many personal questions, we are private people and these conversations are getting boring now. Hopefully, they'll get upset and just go home," one person said. Yet another commenter chimed in: "If she challenges you about not telling her about your financial status or inviting her to your new home, I'd be tempted to be honest and say it's a lose-lose situation for you as, due to her fixation on finances and her constantly pitting family members against each other, she will either gloat if her kids have more or be annoyed if you do." is now available in the Apple App Store! Download it now for the most binge-worthy celeb content, exclusive video clips, astrology updates and more! "You don't have to answer her questions and you don't have to have her in your house," they added. Someone else even suggested that the OP turn the tables on her aunt to make her point. "Any questions they ask about your bank balance etc., be sure to fire the same questions right back at them. They'll soon get the message," they wrote. Read the original article on People
Yahoo
17-05-2025
- Yahoo
An Aunt Disciplined Her Nephew for Hitting Their Sleeping Dog. Now, the Boy's Mom Is Demanding an Apology
A Mumsnet user shared that she disciplined her nephew for hitting the family's sleeping dog on the head with a coaster The mother of the boy, who is turning 3 years old in a few months, is now demanding an apology from the aunt 'Our parents have literally begged me [to apologize] as apparently she won't visit while I am home,' the aunt notedA young boy did the opposite of letting sleeping dogs lie. An aunt recalled on the community forum Mumsnet that her nephew hit the family's golden retriever on the head while the dog was 'dozing,' so she disciplined him, leading to his mom demanding an apology from her. 'We have a gorgeous 12-year-old golden retriever who is enjoying his golden years sunbathing on the sofa,' the aunt, who lives with her parents, explained before recounting a recent visit from her sister, her sister's husband, and their son that resulted in an unresolved family spat. 'Anyway, I was in the living room on my phone when I saw my little toddler nephew [who turns 3 in four months] go up to my dog on the sofa and hit him on the head with a coaster,' she added. 'I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said, 'We do not throw things at Lucky. How would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you.' ' She then took the coaster from her nephew and told him he couldn't use it. 'Not a big deal. Pretty normal way to deal with it in my view,' the aunt said. 'But my sister is now demanding an apology [after my brother-in-law who] was sat sort of to the side reading a magazine snitched.' The aunt noted that she refuses to apologize based on principle. 'Dog took it in his stride, but you can't be allowing s--- like that to happen,' the aunt asserted. 'Our parents have literally begged me [to apologize] as apparently she won't visit while I am home.' is now available in the Apple App Store! Download it now for the most binge-worthy celeb content, exclusive video clips, astrology updates and more! In a Mumsnet poll under her post, 60 percent of more than 2,000 voters picked 'You are NOT being unreasonable' as their voting option. 'Don't apologize — it's right that you told him off,' one reader commented. 'Children need to be told to be kind to animals.' Another person replied, 'Your reaction was fine. I'd point out that the dad should have stepped in to tell the child that's not how we treat animals.' Read the original article on People
The Independent
09-05-2025
- General
- The Independent
A trip to London brought the grief of losing my family flooding back
DARTMOUTH PARK Sometimes we hang onto the memory of people, places or objects To anchor ourselves in the familiarity of the space In which we wish to dangle like a stuck bauble, glittering In our barely changing atmosphere of dwindling oxygen. My London drive of many hours delivered me to the point Of unpicking the ties that bound me to Dartmouth Park By closing down a house in one of three streets that had defined The smell of home from home for almost the length of my life: My ten-year-old self scrambling the lino stairs to a top floor flat In Fortess Road; my twenty-five-year-old self sleeping On the boyfriend's mattress in Laurier Road; the two Long-ago houses I'd sometimes lived in with my long-dead aunt, In the same street as this building once owned by my long-dead brother. So much anticipated – and sometimes disappointed – love Accompanied decades of tube trips and drives to a smudge of London That has been empty of living connections for long enough to let go. The neighbour opened the door to my last goodbye
