a day ago
Duck or block your ears – cricket balls and church bells should be protected
So, no balls in Danbury nor bells in Mytholmroyd. Our councils are having a terrific summer of cancelling, banning and thwarting all things British, especially if they have a slight edge of eccentricity.
This week's victims are a cricket team in Essex and the bells of a church in West Yorkshire with, as usual, the actions of the council craven and bowing to the howls of the minority.
Danbury parish council didn't hesitate when word came from someone in the vicinity of the Dawson Memorial Field. This is a large patch of land in the village, which lies between Chelmsford and the coastal town of Maldon. There's a bowling green, tennis courts, a football pitch, a playground and a cricket wicket.
And it was on May 17 when the incident occurred. It is logged that someone was 'hit by a cricket ball on leg whilst unloading/loading his car'.
It was written up, not in the Danbury Cricket Club's scorebook, but in the incident log at the nearby leisure centre. A historical record detailing such instances as dog fouling and faulty locks in the lavatory facilities.
The incident took place at 1pm, 10 minutes before play began that day – thus it was a stray ball that travelled during the warm up. And anyone who knows anything about village cricket will understand this involves the informal throwing of balls around the ground for catching practice or some gentle bowling at the opening batsmen.
But as soon as Danbury's parish clerk, Michelle Harper, heard the news she acted with the steely force of Martin Brody in Jaws, the police chief who discovers evidence of a shark attack.
Except she exerts rather more power than Brody – he was unable, at first, to close the beaches. Ms Harper, however, achieved a suspension of the cricket as confirmed by council chairman, April Chapman this week, who reported that 'a subsequent meeting decided to suspend cricket for three weeks until we had a report from our health and safety advisors as to what mitigations could be taken.'
Play is still banned as I write. This weekend there is no leather bouncing off willow, no gentle ripples of applause, no frantic cries of 'yes', 'no', 'wait' or 'howzat'. And, worse, no cricket tea. Doubtless mitigation will suggest vast nets be purchased and installed to prevent further accidents and at a cost too vast for the club to muster…
And all this because one unfortunate person, having parked his car, forgot to keep their eyes peeled for airborne cricket balls in spite of the clearest of warning signs. That is, some 22 middle-aged men limping around a field in white trousers and shirts and with an assortment of funny hats.
The onus is on the car parker. Indeed, on many occasions when I've played cricket, it has been the aim of batters to attempt to hit sixes – not just for the runs, but in order to smash the windscreens of the flash idiots who have parked their expensive Land Rovers by the boundary.
Yet eschewing tradition and common sense, the council rules in favour of the not-terribly-injured party.
And while it's a limb in Essex, it's the ears of some locals in West Yorkshire. The bells of St Michael's church in Mytholmroyd have been stopped by order of Calderdale council, who has issued a noise abatement order silencing them until such a time as someone can figure out how to stop them chiming between 11pm and 7am.
The Victorian church installed its bells in 1875 when a new clock was unveiled. They were cast by Mears of London and commissioned after a huge fundraising effort to raise £650. On May 29 of that year, at precisely five minutes to six in the evening, one Mrs Ridehough set the clock in motion to the applause of the assembled fund-raising committee. And since that day, four quarter bells have chimed every 15 minutes with another bell tolling on the hour.
Until now. Until some whinger, in the birthplace of poet Ted Hughes, found sympathy in a council pen pusher who decided to silence them. The cost of installing a device to prevent the night-time bells will doubtless be prohibitive. While those who found the church chimes comforting, who revel in this mad little sound of England, have their sensibilities ignored.
Perhaps the complainers should find somewhere else to live, somewhere altogether more modern and, possibly, rather warmer than Mytholmroyd with its above average rainfall due to the precipitation-inducing Pennines. They could pop off to the Middle East with its gleaming buildings and sunshine. And, oh, the frightful din of the muezzins shrieking out their calls to prayer five times a day from dawn to dusk.
