23-05-2025
3 Ways To Snap Out Of Your ‘Ego Scrolling' Rut — By A Psychologist
'Ego scrolling' is a new dating term that describes the habit of swiping on a dating app only to ... More feel desirable, not to engage. And, sadly, it can be a hard pattern to break.
Once a promise of romance, dating apps are arguably losing their charm and now feel more like slot machines. Only about one in 10 committed couples in the U.S. say they met through an app, according to a 2023 Pew Research Center survey — a sobering statistic given how much time we spend swiping. That's a lot of digital noise for very little real-world signal. This mismatch between effort and outcome helps explain why so many users fall into 'ego scrolling.'
With ego scrolling, the goal shifts from seeking connection to validation. Some of you may be all too familiar with the cycle: a quick boost of attention, a surge of dopamine, then back to the scroll. It's the thrill of going: 'Ah, so I'm attractive to all these other attractive people.'
But if the matches don't go anywhere, this becomes just like any other short-term fix. It can leave you feeling emptier and emptier over time. And in the midst of an ongoing loneliness epidemic across the U.S., that's not a good sign.
Here are three ways to snap out of that loop — and start using dating apps with intention instead of impulse.
Say you woke up with a bad hair day. Or maybe your skin's breaking out, or you just feel weirdly off — not unattractive, just not you. In moments like these, it's easy to reach for reassurance. You want proof that you're still desirable, that you could land a date or a casual connection if you wanted to. Dating apps offer exactly that — a low-risk, high-reward feedback loop.
One swipe, one match, and for a moment, you get the ego boost you were craving. But, it probably does little to address the underlying insecurity in any meaningful way. More often than not, ego scrolling just puts a Band-Aid over it, one that usually falls off the second you minimize the app.
The long-term solution here is to build real-world confidence. But that doesn't always mean faking it — like overpolishing your dating profile or chasing matches from other people who've clearly done the same.
In fact, a 2023 study shows that it's not the dating apps themselves that harm your self-esteem. Instead, it's mostly down to getting stuck in the cycle of excessive swiping.
When that happens, it doesn't matter how thoughtful or instinctive your approach is. If you're mentally caught up in swiping just to see who's out there or how you measure up, it quietly chips away at your well-being.
So instead of curating yourself harder, try addressing the root of the insecurity. Maybe go get your hair done professionally, or spend time on a skin-care routine. If the insecurity is more abstract, you could start with small steps, like reaching out to a friend who hypes you up, putting on an outfit that feels like you or stepping outside to interrupt the mental loop.
What ego scrolling gives in dopamine, it lacks in durability. Addressing the root of the insecurity, on the other hand, compounds.
In an April 2023 study published in New Media & Society, researchers manipulated how likely women thought they were to receive matches on a dating app. Some were told they had a high chance (27 out of 31), others a low one (3 out of 31).
Women who thought they had a better chance of matching felt less lonely. However, they were also more overwhelmed by the choices they had, something the researchers termed 'partner choice overload.' And those who swiped heavily despite low odds of success felt far more lonely than those with high odds of success.
This seems to touch on something crucial: Ego scrolling may not always be about inducing a quick boost to your confidence. Sometimes it's a test we've learned to take. You open the app not because you want to feel attractive, but because you're worried you're not — and you want the app to prove you wrong.
Instead of chasing matches in those moments, check in with the 'why.' Are you hoping for connection, or looking for relief from doubt or loneliness? If it's the latter, resist the urge to let a screen measure your worth in that particular moment.
Instead, engage with something (an activity, a person or your inner world) that reminds you you're more than 'swipeable.' If you must, use the app when your doubt and loneliness levels are lower.
Ego scrolling thrives in a space where curation looks like confidence but often reads as desperation. And nothing kills real attraction faster than trying too hard to seem attractive.
If you're prone to ego scrolling, try sprinkling subtle 'filters' into your profile — signals of who you are and who you're actually looking for. It might be a line that shows your sense of humor, a reference only a certain kind of person would get or a photo that reflects you at your happiest, not your most attractive.
Connection isn't the same as mass appeal. Take steps toward creating a profile that repels the wrong people and resonates with the right ones — so when you do 'match,' it feels less like ego fuel and more like a real connection.
Have you been giving in to ego scrolling on dating apps too often? Take the science-backed Problematic Tinder Use Scale today to better understand your usage patterns.
