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Boston Globe

Bruins defenseman Charlie McAvoy reveals how the season took a physical, mental toll on him

'I don't even feel like I played hockey this year,' said McAvoy, whose troubles cascaded in the aftermath of the 4 Nations tournament. 'At times it has felt like that was last season — something separate in my head — because it's been so long.' Get Starting Point A guide through the most important stories of the morning, delivered Monday through Friday. Enter Email Sign Up After Advertisement Less than 48 hours after helping back a thrilling Team USA win on Feb. 15, McAvoy entered Massachusetts General Hospital with a 'rare' staph infection radiating excruciating pain in the shoulder. It turned into a three-day stay aimed at eradicating the infection and repairing the severely damaged AC. Advertisement 'Mentally, emotionally, physically, I've gone through so much, because of that damn experience,' said McAvoy, pausing as he deliberately chose his words. 'Like, it cost me my season. It cost me my sanity in a lot of ways, like, none of this has been easy. I get emotional when I talk about it. Look, yeah, it was an incredible experience and I waited my whole life to be part of something like that … but the way that it ended, and the aftermath of it, and what I had to go through, it cost me a lot more than I was willing to give. And that's unfortunate.' Related : As McAvoy spoke, surrounded by a gaggle of reporters, photographers, and videographers at Warrior Arena in Brighton, a tone of anger was readily apparent in his voice. When asked about it, he acknowledged the anger was part of his myriad emotions attached to the situation and noted it was not directed at an individual. 'I feel about every emotion you can have,' said the ex-Boston University standout, now with eight years of NHL service. 'I'm not angry at any one individual. I'm angry about what happened. I'm sad about what happened, a little of the 'Why me?' ... as I am sure anyone would ask with what happened. So it's a lot of different emotions. I wouldn't say it's just angry. 'I'm certainly not angry at individuals or anything. It's just anger over the situation — it cost me my season. It cost me a lot. I've spent a lot of time, emotionally, just sitting with it because that was the reality of it. I am sitting at home with my PICC line [to treat the infection] and this and that, I can't play and I can't help my team. Like I said, it was like a whole other season. I can't even remember anything before that, honestly, because I only remember what the last two months have felt like and it just hasn't been fun.' Advertisement The source of the infection, widely speculated in the media to be connected to the pain-numbing injection, remains unknown, according to McAvoy. 'I had a rare staph infection that could have been introduced in a couple of different ways,' he said. 'Obviously, it was documented that we did an injection to try and numb it. That's not unfamiliar. It's something all teams do and something doctors are comfortable doing. What happened to me was simply bad luck. There's always a risk of that happening, but you don't ever hear about it. And it happened to me. So if you want to talk about the perfect storm, and the 'Why me?' ... it's not necessarily that anyone did anything wrong.' McAvoy dismissed a reporter's question about whether it was the needle itself that introduced the infection. 'It could have been my Under Armour, or my gear, or this or that, even the pillow at the hotel,' he mused. 'It could have been anything. That's why there's no ill-will with anybody involved. And guess what, we can sit here and talk about it and the head of infectious diseases at Advertisement McAvoy, his shoulder to this day not game-ready, returned to skating a few weeks ago. Had the club's playoff chances come down to having to win the final three or four games, he noted, there would have been 'a serious discussion' about his availability to play. He would have his hand up, but the call ultimately would have been left for the club's medical staff to make. He only came off antibiotics last week. Meanwhile, in part for sanity's sake, he has turned his focus and energy to his summer workout schedule and getting down to business again in September. 'What an opportunity that is, right?' he said with enthusiasm. 'What an exciting challenge.' Less than a year from now, despite what happened when wearing that Team USA sweater, McAvoy 'absolutely' awaits the chance to be among the proud Yanks to ship off for the 2026 Olympic Games in Italy. 'That is my dream of dreams to play in an Olympics,' he said. 'Every part of that 4 Nations was a dream come true. There's a reason why I played that [Canada] game, because I'm not missing the game that I've dreamt of my whole life — it's the aftermath of that, that cost me my year. There's a lot of, I don't want to say regret, but an acceptance of what happened. And it sucks that I am still coming to grips with it. But I wouldn't trade it, the experiences, the friendships. I mean, that's what you dream of and I've dreamt of that on a broader scale of being in the Olympics.' Advertisement Kevin Paul Dupont can be reached at