a day ago
Perspective: Supporting fathers isn't diminishing women's empowerment. It's an important part of it
'Wow, you're brave!' That was the response I received when I announced the topic that I would be presenting on at the United Nations in New York City back in 2014.
I was a bit confused. I didn't see how it was brave to speak about the importance of father-daughter relationships. But I was somewhat ignorant at the time about the environment in which I would be speaking — asked to present at the Commission on the Status of Women, which has advocated for gender equality and the empowerment of women and girls since 1947.
As a married father of three daughters and a professor of family studies, I whole-heartedly support both gender equality and empowering women and girls. However, I eventually learned that many (not all) attendees and UN diplomats at the commission had difficulty prioritizing equality and empowerment of women, while also honoring the role men and fathers play in families.
My colleagues, students and I have been told many times over the past 12 years of work at the international level that supporting fathers (and the traditional family) is oppressive to women.
Other approaches have been more quietly dismissive. Following a U.N. gathering, one of my students told me, 'I remember feeling like they discussed almost everything under the sun about why women and girls were disadvantaged and what needed to change to make it equal. But no one was talking about the men and fathers. It's like they were blind to one of the very real factors that can empower women and girls in today's world.'
Although domineering, abusive, incompetent and uninvolved dads do exist, the problem isn't fatherhood per se, according to the best research. The problem is broken men. And broken men themselves often come from father-absent homes. One of the strongest predictors of a man's emotional regulation (including aggression), substance abuse, and treatment of women is the presence and warmth of a father growing up. Thus, the father-son relationship has enormous potential to promote true gender equality.
The father-son relationship has enormous potential to promote true gender equality.
Professor Tim Rarick
Unfortunately, stepping on or ignoring men and fathers to elevate women hurts everyone. The tragic irony is that it especially hurts young women and girls. When it comes to the men in a girl's life, a father is her first and most influential love. Dads have a profound impact on their daughters' healthy body image, positive self-esteem, mental health, avoiding of eating disorders, and life satisfaction, to name but a few. In short, the father-daughter relationship has enormous potential to empower girls from the inside out.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 17.4 million children, nearly 1 in 4, live without a biological, step, or adoptive father in the home. There are a whole host of factors that have contributed to this rise of fatherlessness since 1960, and many of these factors (out-of-wedlock births and uncommitted, cheap sex) are fruits of the sexual revolution and unchecked expressive individualism.
Considering the significant impact fathers can have on their sons and daughters, it starts to become painfully clear that abusive or uninvolved fathers are more likely to produce more of the same in a vicious cycle.
But the solution shouldn't be to write off dads altogether. Just because you've had a bad experience with an electrical appliance doesn't mean you should forgo the use of electricity. This is an easy trap to fall into, particularly when there are literally millions of individuals who may have emotional wounds — father wounds. It can be quite difficult for any one of us to not let our own personally painful experiences rob us of seeing effective, objective solutions.
To be fair, it is important to recognize that in the United States — and throughout the world as a whole — there has been a history of gender inequality and male dominance (a detailed and complex reality that merits careful exploration of its own). It is also clear from history that turning the oppressed into the oppressors tends to perpetuate even more conflict and does little to advance human flourishing as a whole.
In an interview with 'Public Discourse,' columnist, scholar and political analyst, Mona Charen, put it this way: 'One of the unfortunate [problems] that feminism leached into the culture is hostility between the sexes. We need to rescue feminism from that. We need to stress the importance of raising boys and girls who are open-hearted, respectful, and comfortable with themselves and each other.'
Charen is absolutely correct. But this cannot happen without a pro-fatherhood (and motherhood) culture. It takes men and women to set aside any ideological warfare and be brave enough to see the potential and goodness in fathers. Change can happen from the top down (government), but in my experience it is more effective from the bottom up (homes and communities). Additionally, we need more social and entertainment media depictions of men and fathers with healthy masculinity.
Regardless of what may have happened in one's past, my own research and many people I have known over the years confirms that one's family of origin does not have to determine one's family of creation. Keith Zafran of the Great Dads Project wrote, 'When dads who did not have great relationships with their fathers find freedom from pain and resulting issues of the past, the next generation — our children — are strengthened. We give them a gift that will produce the kind of legacy we all wish for every child.'
'This is what halts and even reverses the staggering statistics of father absence,' he continues.' This is the path to healing the next generation and our society. As fathers (and daughters), we must heal our own wounded hearts to fully enjoy and raise our children well.'
When I gave that first UN speech in 2014, I was shocked when I received a standing ovation. I don't see myself as all that brave or remarkable. But since that time I have been invited numerous times to speak on various father-related topics at the UN and in other places in the world.
During this time, I have seen a fatherhood renaissance happening in this world. I've seen hearts soften and minds open to the idea that men can be good, and fathers are as essential to society as mothers. None of this is in opposition to the ongoing efforts to advance women's equality and empowerment throughout the world either. The two efforts (empowering women and fatherhood) are not mutually exclusive, and there are some feminist organizations who understand this.
Beyond Father's Day, let's be unafraid to openly promote men and fathers so that all may be empowered and flourish. Here are a few practical suggestions on how to do this:
Challenge Stereotypes. Push back on cultural narratives that present dads as incompetent or disengaged. Look for and share stories and examples of involved, nurturing fathers.
Promote Equal Partnership at Home. Share domestic responsibilities and parenting duties equitably. This models healthy cooperation and mutual respect.
Advocate for Father-Inclusive Policies. Support parental leave for both moms and dads, father-friendly school events, and community initiatives that include dads in family life.
Mentor Others. Be a father figure to a child who may not have one. If you're a woman, help the men and boys in your life see their unique impact and value in this world.
If we truly want to help women and girls, elevate communities and secure a brighter future for the next generation, then we must be brave enough to stand for fatherhood.
