Latest news with #gentleparenting
CTV News
23-05-2025
- General
- CTV News
What ‘gentle parenting' does for your kids
'Back in my day,' some grandparents say to their adult children, 'we didn't let our kids speak without being spoken to or talk back to without a spanking or question every parental decision without a consequence.' What did happen to time-outs? Or 'I'll give you something to cry about?' There's a certain segment of parents who reject that form of parenting for something they say may work better, called 'gentle parenting.' If you hear the term and roll your eyes, and we know that's likely — pause for a second. Gentle parenting is often misunderstood and taken to mean coddling, said Dr. Brian Razzino, a licensed clinical psychologist in Falls Church, Virginia. That's not the case. Gentle parenting –– or what many people mean when they talk about it –– is often about teaching skills for adulthood and enforcing boundaries, and it has a lot to offer families, he said. This strategy is becoming popular as nearly half of parents say they are trying to raise their children differently than how they grew up, according to a 2023 report from the Pew Research Center. Those parents said they were looking to give their children more love and affection, having open, honest conversations and yelling less and listening more. The problem is that many people, even those who call themselves gentle parents, differ on the specifics. Here is what you need to know about the latest parenting trend. The main parenting styles Psychological researchers have identified four main parenting styles: neglectful, authoritarian, permissive and authoritative. Neglectful parenting has neither high levels of warmth toward the child nor rules on a child's behavior, said Nicole Johnson, a licensed professional counselor in Boise, Idaho. A kid may act out and break a toy and not get much response from their neglectful parent, who might not have attended much to how they were playing anyway. Authoritarian refers to parenting that focuses on obedience and punitive response –– think 'because I said so,' Johnson said. The child who broke the toy would likely be yelled at and sent to time-out by the authoritarian parent without much conversation beyond that. Permissive parenting focuses on warmth toward children, but without much structure or boundaries, she added. That parent would acknowledge that the child probably broke the toy out of frustration but wouldn't follow up on consequences. Authoritative parenting seeks to strike a balance between structure and warmth. 'It's more focused on the idea of improving their ability to understand what's going on with themselves, their own feelings,' Razzino said. 'The parents are really focused on having that empathy for the child and respect when they when they talk with them, and that their feelings are valid.' Still, they are 'maintaining some very firm, clear limits.' Gentle parenting is not listed among the main parenting styles. While it is popular on social media, it is a relatively new term that hasn't been described much in the scientific literature. What do influencers mean by 'gentle parenting'? Researchers Annie Pezalla and Alice Davidson sought to investigate what parenting influencers on social media meant when they talked about gentle parenting in a 2024 study. 'Those who identified as gentle really prioritized emotion regulation. These are parents that are wanting to maintain calm at all costs, if at all possible, (including) their energy and emotions,' said Pezalla, visiting assistant professor of psychology at Macalester College in St. Paul, Minnesota. 'They do look like authoritative parents, for the most part, to us, like they're trying to hold boundaries and practice consequences with their kids,' she said, 'even though they showed the kind of no-holds-barred affection to their kids that typically permissive parents show.' Gentle parenting, like authoritative parenting, emphasizes the importance of boundaries while maintaining warmth and empathy, she said. However, the concept plays out differently in different families. In her research, Pezalla asked parents who identified as gentle parents about their practices. While some resembled authoritative parents, others acted in ways that fell more in line with a permissive style, she said. Ultimately, much of what people refer to as gentle parenting on social media is just another term for authoritative parenting: maintaining connection with the child, teaching them to regulate their emotions and behavior, and enforcing boundaries as a caring authority figure, said Razzino, who is also the author of 'Awakening the Five Champions: Keys to Success for Every Teen.' Are we being too soft on kids? Imagine a child is throwing their food off their plate and onto the floor. A permissive parent might say, 'please don't do that,' and then do nothing else to enforce a boundary. An authoritarian might glare sternly and immediately move to a time-out or spanking or to send their child to bed hungry. An authoritative parent, which is what many people mean when they identify as a gentle parent, might say, 'I can see you're feeling playful, but food stays on the plate. I can give you something else to do with your hands while we have dinner, but if you throw it again, I am going to have to take the plate away,' Razzino said. Some people critique this way of parenting as being too soft on kids, saying that the world is harsh and kids will need to learn to deal with that, Johnson added. But the goal of this parenting style isn't to shield your child from accountability; rather it is to get to a calmer place for the parent and child, give kids tools for making good choices, and then enforcing a boundary with logical consequences, she said. Logical consequences are ones that relate directly to a behavior: If you smack your friend with a truck, the playdate will be over, Razzino added. For the people who understand gentle parenting as a form of authoritative parenting, there are two parts: validating that you understand the feelings they are experiencing and teaching that not every way of expressing those feelings is acceptable or productive, Johnson said. It is important to neither skip the validation step nor get too bogged down in it, Razzino added. At some point, it is important to move from talking about the feelings to making plans on how to regulate the difficult emotions and what consequences will happen if the unacceptable behavior continues. And this approach has been shown in research to be effective in raising more healthy, resilient, successful adults, Razzino said. One 2022 study found that children raised with an authoritative parenting style were more likely to achieve academically. Another study in 2020 found that a lack of this parenting style was the most important factor in low life satisfaction. We need to go easier on parents There is a downside to authoritative or gentle parenting. Staying calm, validating your child's feelings, explaining a boundary and the consequences of breaking it, and then following through with a rational consequence is a lot of work, Pezalla said. It's even more work if you weren't parented with a lot of warmth and empathy, Johnson added. With so much pressure to parent perfectly, many parents feel burnt-out trying to adhere too strictly to gentle parenting practices, according to Pezalla's research. Gentle parents 'are working so hard to be emotionally regulated 24/7 that they are burning out,' she said. 'That's what we found in the article that we published … they're stressed out of their minds.' Some online parenting influencers will say that you can't use the word no, that you have to say no, that you should pause in a grocery store meltdown to give a hug, or that you need to scoop your child up from the store floor and not allow them to continue the tantrum there, Pezalla said. Instead of worrying too much about following the one right philosophy, Pezalla recommends prioritizing the four things she has found to be what every kid needs growing up. Those include structure, warmth, acknowledgement as an individual who may need something different from their siblings, and an approach that prepares for parenting as a long game, she said. 'Everything else is like static noise to me,' Pezalla said. 'It's like the same general authoritative parenting styles, just, we're calling it something different.' And don't worry if you mess up, lose your temper or change your mind on your parenting approach, Johnson said. Kids don't need a model of a perfect human, they need to see an adult who is trying their best to be a positive authority figure, striving for empathy, practicing regulating themselves, and taking accountability when they get it wrong, she added. Hopefully, that model will be a roadmap so they can grow up doing those things, too.
CNN
22-05-2025
- General
- CNN
What is gentle parenting? And is it making the next generations too soft?
Social media ParentingFacebookTweetLink Follow Get inspired by a weekly roundup on living well, made simple. Sign up for CNN's Life, But Better newsletter for information and tools designed to improve your well-being. 'Back in my day,' some grandparents say to their adult children, 'we didn't let our kids speak without being spoken to or talk back to without a spanking or question every parental decision without a consequence.' What did happen to time-outs? Or 'I'll give you something to cry about?' There's a certain segment of parents who reject that form of parenting for something they say may work better, called 'gentle parenting.' If you hear the term and roll your eyes, and we know that's likely — pause for a second. Gentle parenting is often misunderstood and taken to mean coddling, said Dr. Brian Razzino, a licensed clinical psychologist in Falls Church, Virginia. That's not the case. Gentle parenting –– or what many people mean when they talk about it –– is often about teaching skills for adulthood and enforcing boundaries, and it has a lot to offer families, he said. This strategy is becoming popular as nearly half of parents say they are trying to raise their children differently than how they grew up, according to a 2023 report from the Pew Research Center. Those parents said they were looking to give their children more love and affection, having open, honest conversations and yelling less and listening more. The problem is that many people, even those who call themselves gentle parents, differ on the specifics. Here is what you need to know about the latest parenting trend. Psychological researchers have identified four main parenting styles: neglectful, authoritarian, permissive and authoritative. Neglectful parenting has neither high levels of warmth toward the child nor rules on a child's behavior, said Nicole Johnson, a licensed professional counselor in Boise, Idaho. A kid may act out and break a toy and not get much response from their neglectful parent, who might not have attended much to how they were playing anyway. Authoritarian refers to parenting that focuses on obedience and punitive response –– think 'because I said so,' Johnson said. The child who broke the toy would likely be yelled at and sent to time-out by the authoritarian parent without much conversation beyond that. Permissive parenting focuses on warmth toward children, but without much structure or boundaries, she added. That parent would acknowledge that the child probably broke the toy out of frustration but wouldn't follow up on consequences. Authoritative parenting seeks to strike a balance between structure and warmth. 'It's more focused on the idea of improving their ability to understand what's going on with themselves, their own feelings,' Razzino said. 'The parents are really focused on having that empathy for the child and respect when they when they talk with them, and that their feelings are valid.' Still, they are 'maintaining some very firm, clear limits.' Gentle parenting is not listed among the main parenting styles. While it is popular on social media, it is a relatively new term that hasn't been described much in the scientific literature. Researchers Annie Pezalla and Alice Davidson sought to investigate what parenting influencers on social media meant when they talked about gentle parenting in a 2024 study. 'Those who identified as gentle really prioritized emotion regulation. These are parents that are wanting to maintain calm at all costs, if at all possible, (including) their energy and emotions,' said Pezalla, visiting assistant professor of psychology at Macalester College in St. Paul, Minnesota. 'They do look like authoritative parents, for the most part, to us, like they're trying to hold boundaries and practice consequences with their kids,' she said, 'even though they showed the kind of no-holds-barred affection to their kids that typically permissive parents show.' Gentle parenting, like authoritative parenting, emphasizes the importance of boundaries while maintaining warmth and empathy, she said. However, the concept plays out differently in different families. In her research, Pezalla asked parents who identified as gentle parents about their practices. While some resembled authoritative parents, others acted in ways that fell more in line with a permissive style, she said. Ultimately, much of what people refer to as gentle parenting on social media is just another term for authoritative parenting: maintaining connection with the child, teaching them to regulate their emotions and behavior, and enforcing boundaries as a caring authority figure, said Razzino, who is also the author of 'Awakening the Five Champions: Keys to Success for Every Teen.' Imagine a child is throwing their food off their plate and onto the floor. A permissive parent might say, 'please don't do that,' and then do nothing else to enforce a boundary. An authoritarian might glare sternly and immediately move to a time-out or spanking or to send their child to bed hungry. An authoritative parent, which is what many people mean when they identify as a gentle parent, might say, 'I can see you're feeling playful, but food stays on the plate. I can give you something else to do with your hands while we have dinner, but if you throw it again, I am going to have to take the plate away,' Razzino said. Some people critique this way of parenting as being too soft on kids, saying that the world is harsh and kids will need to learn to deal with that, Johnson added. But the goal of this parenting style isn't to shield your child from accountability; rather it is to get to a calmer place for the parent and child, give kids tools for making good choices, and then enforcing a boundary with logical consequences, she said. Logical consequences are ones that relate directly to a behavior: If you smack your friend with a truck, the playdate will be over, Razzino added. For the people who understand gentle parenting as a form of authoritative parenting, there are two parts: validating that you understand the feelings they are experiencing and teaching that not every way of expressing those feelings is acceptable or productive, Johnson said. It is important to neither skip the validation step nor get too bogged down in it, Razzino added. At some point, it is important to move from talking about the feelings to making plans on how to regulate the difficult emotions and what consequences will happen if the unacceptable behavior continues. And this approach has been shown in research to be effective in raising more healthy, resilient, successful adults, Razzino said. One 2022 study found that children raised with an authoritative parenting style were more likely to achieve academically. Another study in 2020 found that a lack of this parenting style was the most important factor in low life satisfaction. There is a downside to authoritative or gentle parenting. Staying calm, validating your child's feelings, explaining a boundary and the consequences of breaking it, and then following through with a rational consequence is a lot of work, Pezalla said. It's even more work if you weren't parented with a lot of warmth and empathy, Johnson added. With so much pressure to parent perfectly, many parents feel burnt-out trying to adhere too strictly to gentle parenting practices, according to Pezalla's research. Gentle parents 'are working so hard to be emotionally regulated 24/7 that they are burning out,' she said. 'That's what we found in the article that we published … they're stressed out of their minds.' Some online parenting influencers will say that you can't use the word no, that you have to say no, that you should pause in a grocery store meltdown to give a hug, or that you need to scoop your child up from the store floor and not allow them to continue the tantrum there, Pezalla said. Instead of worrying too much about following the one right philosophy, Pezalla recommends prioritizing the four things she has found to be what every kid needs growing up. Those include structure, warmth, acknowledgement as an individual who may need something different from their siblings, and an approach that prepares for parenting as a long game, she said. 'Everything else is like static noise to me,' Pezalla said. 'It's like the same general authoritative parenting styles, just, we're calling it something different.' And don't worry if you mess up, lose your temper or change your mind on your parenting approach, Johnson said. Kids don't need a model of a perfect human, they need to see an adult who is trying their best to be a positive authority figure, striving for empathy, practicing regulating themselves, and taking accountability when they get it wrong, she added. Hopefully, that model will be a roadmap so they can grow up doing those things, too.
CNN
22-05-2025
- General
- CNN
What is gentle parenting? And is it making the next generations too soft?
Social media ParentingFacebookTweetLink Follow Get inspired by a weekly roundup on living well, made simple. Sign up for CNN's Life, But Better newsletter for information and tools designed to improve your well-being. 'Back in my day,' some grandparents say to their adult children, 'we didn't let our kids speak without being spoken to or talk back to without a spanking or question every parental decision without a consequence.' What did happen to time-outs? Or 'I'll give you something to cry about?' There's a certain segment of parents who reject that form of parenting for something they say may work better, called 'gentle parenting.' If you hear the term and roll your eyes, and we know that's likely — pause for a second. Gentle parenting is often misunderstood and taken to mean coddling, said Dr. Brian Razzino, a licensed clinical psychologist in Falls Church, Virginia. That's not the case. Gentle parenting –– or what many people mean when they talk about it –– is often about teaching skills for adulthood and enforcing boundaries, and it has a lot to offer families, he said. This strategy is becoming popular as nearly half of parents say they are trying to raise their children differently than how they grew up, according to a 2023 report from the Pew Research Center. Those parents said they were looking to give their children more love and affection, having open, honest conversations and yelling less and listening more. The problem is that many people, even those who call themselves gentle parents, differ on the specifics. Here is what you need to know about the latest parenting trend. Psychological researchers have identified four main parenting styles: neglectful, authoritarian, permissive and authoritative. Neglectful parenting has neither high levels of warmth toward the child nor rules on a child's behavior, said Nicole Johnson, a licensed professional counselor in Boise, Idaho. A kid may act out and break a toy and not get much response from their neglectful parent, who might not have attended much to how they were playing anyway. Authoritarian refers to parenting that focuses on obedience and punitive response –– think 'because I said so,' Johnson said. The child who broke the toy would likely be yelled at and sent to time-out by the authoritarian parent without much conversation beyond that. Permissive parenting focuses on warmth toward children, but without much structure or boundaries, she added. That parent would acknowledge that the child probably broke the toy out of frustration but wouldn't follow up on consequences. Authoritative parenting seeks to strike a balance between structure and warmth. 'It's more focused on the idea of improving their ability to understand what's going on with themselves, their own feelings,' Razzino said. 'The parents are really focused on having that empathy for the child and respect when they when they talk with them, and that their feelings are valid.' Still, they are 'maintaining some very firm, clear limits.' Gentle parenting is not listed among the main parenting styles. While it is popular on social media, it is a relatively new term that hasn't been described much in the scientific literature. Researchers Annie Pezalla and Alice Davidson sought to investigate what parenting influencers on social media meant when they talked about gentle parenting in a 2024 study. 'Those who identified as gentle really prioritized emotion regulation. These are parents that are wanting to maintain calm at all costs, if at all possible, (including) their energy and emotions,' said Pezalla, visiting assistant professor of psychology at Macalester College in St. Paul, Minnesota. 'They do look like authoritative parents, for the most part, to us, like they're trying to hold boundaries and practice consequences with their kids,' she said, 'even though they showed the kind of no-holds-barred affection to their kids that typically permissive parents show.' Gentle parenting, like authoritative parenting, emphasizes the importance of boundaries while maintaining warmth and empathy, she said. However, the concept plays out differently in different families. In her research, Pezalla asked parents who identified as gentle parents about their practices. While some resembled authoritative parents, others acted in ways that fell more in line with a permissive style, she said. Ultimately, much of what people refer to as gentle parenting on social media is just another term for authoritative parenting: maintaining connection with the child, teaching them to regulate their emotions and behavior, and enforcing boundaries as a caring authority figure, said Razzino, who is also the author of 'Awakening the Five Champions: Keys to Success for Every Teen.' Imagine a child is throwing their food off their plate and onto the floor. A permissive parent might say, 'please don't do that,' and then do nothing else to enforce a boundary. An authoritarian might glare sternly and immediately move to a time-out or spanking or to send their child to bed hungry. An authoritative parent, which is what many people mean when they identify as a gentle parent, might say, 'I can see you're feeling playful, but food stays on the plate. I can give you something else to do with your hands while we have dinner, but if you throw it again, I am going to have to take the plate away,' Razzino said. Some people critique this way of parenting as being too soft on kids, saying that the world is harsh and kids will need to learn to deal with that, Johnson added. But the goal of this parenting style isn't to shield your child from accountability; rather it is to get to a calmer place for the parent and child, give kids tools for making good choices, and then enforcing a boundary with logical consequences, she said. Logical consequences are ones that relate directly to a behavior: If you smack your friend with a truck, the playdate will be over, Razzino added. For the people who understand gentle parenting as a form of authoritative parenting, there are two parts: validating that you understand the feelings they are experiencing and teaching that not every way of expressing those feelings is acceptable or productive, Johnson said. It is important to neither skip the validation step nor get too bogged down in it, Razzino added. At some point, it is important to move from talking about the feelings to making plans on how to regulate the difficult emotions and what consequences will happen if the unacceptable behavior continues. And this approach has been shown in research to be effective in raising more healthy, resilient, successful adults, Razzino said. One 2022 study found that children raised with an authoritative parenting style were more likely to achieve academically. Another study in 2020 found that a lack of this parenting style was the most important factor in low life satisfaction. There is a downside to authoritative or gentle parenting. Staying calm, validating your child's feelings, explaining a boundary and the consequences of breaking it, and then following through with a rational consequence is a lot of work, Pezalla said. It's even more work if you weren't parented with a lot of warmth and empathy, Johnson added. With so much pressure to parent perfectly, many parents feel burnt-out trying to adhere too strictly to gentle parenting practices, according to Pezalla's research. Gentle parents 'are working so hard to be emotionally regulated 24/7 that they are burning out,' she said. 'That's what we found in the article that we published … they're stressed out of their minds.' Some online parenting influencers will say that you can't use the word no, that you have to say no, that you should pause in a grocery store meltdown to give a hug, or that you need to scoop your child up from the store floor and not allow them to continue the tantrum there, Pezalla said. Instead of worrying too much about following the one right philosophy, Pezalla recommends prioritizing the four things she has found to be what every kid needs growing up. Those include structure, warmth, acknowledgement as an individual who may need something different from their siblings, and an approach that prepares for parenting as a long game, she said. 'Everything else is like static noise to me,' Pezalla said. 'It's like the same general authoritative parenting styles, just, we're calling it something different.' And don't worry if you mess up, lose your temper or change your mind on your parenting approach, Johnson said. Kids don't need a model of a perfect human, they need to see an adult who is trying their best to be a positive authority figure, striving for empathy, practicing regulating themselves, and taking accountability when they get it wrong, she added. Hopefully, that model will be a roadmap so they can grow up doing those things, too.
Yahoo
19-05-2025
- General
- Yahoo
3 Red Flags: What Your Child's Behavior Says About Your Parenting, According to a Psychotherapist
I've opined about gentle parenting at length and confessed to my own 'bad parenting' failures, always taking a top-down approach to the whole 'parenting thing.' But what if we flipped the script? What does it say that your happy-go-lucky, 3-year-old cutie pie won't pick up the mess in the playroom unless you pay her $1 a toy? Are you a horrible parent or an entrepreneurial genius? Sometimes, I feel like both…often at the same time. Perpetually scared of how my children's behaviors will reveal my questionable methods to the public, I reached out to a therapist and parenting expert to find out which behaviors are red flags, signaling parenting challenges to overcome. Here's what I learned. Nicole Runyon (LMSW), psychotherapist, parent coach and author of Free to Fly: The Secret to Fostering Independence in the Next Generation. Nicole is renowned for her expertise in child and adolescent mental health, backed by an extensive 22-year career in the field. Most importantly, she is the mother of 2 children. Potential Parenting Challenge: Being your kids' shield It's natural, says Runyon, to want to protect your child from pain. But the inadvertent effects of making life too easy for your kid, and protecting them from any frustration big or small, can lead to long-lasting problems. 'Spoiling occurs when parents take over childhood tasks, hindering children from achieving their developmental milestones appropriately.' This oversight, Runyon expands, contributes to a lack of awareness about fostering self-sufficiency in their children at the right developmental stages. Potential Parenting Challenge: Nagging fatigue, inconsistent rule enforcement and boundaries I've been there. Telling my toddler she has to clean up her toys and ready to stand my ground…only to wind up on the floor myself picking up strewn Disney paraphernalia. Runyon says that when our kids are argumentative when it comes to responsibilities, parents—exhausted—abandon ship or resort to bribing. The problem? You let your kids talk you out of being inconvenienced, skirting responsibility back to you. Says Runyon, 'It's crucial not to pay children for basic chores, as this conveys the message that they need not take responsibility for themselves if it causes discomfort.' Instead, the therapist says to emphasize the family dynamic, stressing that everyone collaborates and contributes to the household. 'Sometimes, doing things for loved ones, even when inconvenient, is a fundamental part of fulfilling one's role as a family member.' Potential Parenting Challenge: Doing too much for your kids 'Anxiety in children stems from unresolved emotional issues, as they attempt to control an uncontrollable environment. This false sense of control leads to behaviors that may make them appear helpless, prompting parents to respond by doing more for them,' explains Runyon. Most importantly: this isn't a solution; it's the root cause. 'Avoiding natural developmental processes exacerbates unresolved emotional issues. It's essential for parents to reflect on whether they are providing their children with age-appropriate freedom and independence. Evaluating if they are doing too much for their children is crucial,' shares Runyon. As is a theme with all of these red flags, Runyon underscores how beneficial working through mistakes, frustrations and failures is for kids. Resilience to discomfort fosters self-trust and autonomy, serving as the antidote to anxiety. As leaders of the family, parents set the tone for the household. Runyon explains it like this: 'Human nature is like water. It takes the shape of its container. The parent is the container and must be solid and strong in themselves to help their children shape into mature, healthy young adults.' So, how do you reshape your container? Before anything, parents need to self-reflect. Triggered when your child struggles? The hysterical is historical. 'Chances are the parent experienced something unresolved in their childhood at the exact age their child is when they are struggling,' explains Runyon, who understands that this type of reflection is hard work and that seeking help through parent coaches or therapists can be a great resource. The next thing is to do what you can control. Runyon acknowledges how challenging it can be to change the whole family system to address an issue, but, when one person changes one thing, the system suddenly shifts. 'Individual change can be very powerful for a family. I recommend starting with, 'what is your part in the system?' and asking what you need to do to make the change.' Even the smallest shift in perspective or behavior can ripple outward, creating a more connected, resilient, and joyful home. You got this. 17 Relationship Red Flags Every Grown Woman Should Look Out For PureWow's editors and writers have spent more than a decade shopping online, digging through sales and putting our home goods, beauty finds, wellness picks and more through the wringer—all to help you determine which are actually worth your hard-earned cash. From our PureWow100 series (where we rank items on a 100-point scale) to our painstakingly curated lists of fashion, beauty, cooking, home and family picks, you can trust that our recommendations have been thoroughly vetted for function, aesthetics and innovation. Whether you're looking for travel-size hair dryers you can take on-the-go or women's walking shoes that won't hurt your feet, we've got you covered.
