Latest news with #hometown
The Guardian
10 hours ago
- Entertainment
- The Guardian
I was ghosted at 54. Here's why I choose to think of it as empowering
I'm a 21st-century spinster: last year, I turned 54 and hadn't had a relationship (or a good date!) for almost five years. Before that, I'd taken dating for granted. Marriage was never my goal, and I don't have children. Since college, there'd been a steady pattern of long-term, wonderful relationships. I'm lucky; I'm a woman who's been loved. Then came my early 50s – during Covid – and everything stopped. So, I quit online dating, stopped doing awkward blind dates and declined virtual networking events. Instead, I focused on doing things I enjoy, like seeing live music, going to sporting events and traveling, with people I care about. But on a trip to my hometown last year to watch a football game with friends, I ran into a college classmate in the airport. I hadn't seen him in more than 30 years. We talked for a few minutes and politely agreed to keep in touch. After one short meet-up in New York City, we started spending a lot of time together. We lived in different cities but both traveled for work, so coordinating locations was fun. Whether it was walking around different cities together, going to restaurants, making dinner at his house – he did all the cooking – or just texting and talking on the phone at all hours, every day, I was surprised at how effortless it was. I was attracted to his intense ambition and grit – but mostly his compassion. Despite his punishing work schedule, he took time to meet with my best friend's daughter, who was in her early 20s, struggling to find a job. What was supposed to be a quick coffee ended up being a full pancake breakfast on a weekday morning where he listened, gave advice and boosted her confidence. He had experienced a tremendous amount of loss in the previous few years. Once, he told me he was 'completely alone in the world' – not lonely, but alone – which was sad. At times, he was arrogant and insecure: he had worked very hard to be financially successful, but needed people to know it. He was such a good man but, in retrospect, a hard person to really know. He pushed things faster than expected, saying 'I love you' after just a few weeks. It was a lot for me, but he seemed like a great guy, and it felt like we already had some shared history. After three months, I assumed we were already beginning a longer-term, more serious thing, so I was in no way prepared for our story to end so abruptly. He ghosted me. It happened fast. For about a week, I noticed he wasn't texting or calling like he normally did. We both have intense jobs, so I figured he was having a stressful time at work. When I called him after about a week to check in, he didn't seem like himself, and I sensed something had shifted. I couldn't think of anything that had happened between us to cause this, but after that call, I decided to give him space and wait to hear from him. When another week went by without any contact from him, it felt like he was just gone, as suddenly and unexpectedly as he had shown up that day at the airport. I had two theories about what happened. Applying Occam's razor, the simplest was that he just didn't like me. I'm a confident person, but self-aware enough to accept that this just happens sometimes. But my second theory was about bad timing: you meet people where they are in life, and that can make all the difference. Either way, my instinct was to leave him alone since he was barely responding to me. But I remembered researcher and author Brené Brown's Ted Talk on vulnerability, where she described it in the context of shame, and the idea that human connection and empathy require us to be vulnerable. I was also thinking about one of my favorite columnists, and author of The Road to Character, David Brooks, who has made a case for prioritizing 'eulogy virtues' (like kindness and compassion) instead of 'résumé virtues' (ambition and achievement). Vulnerability and kindness had never been my strengths, but as I got older, I'd tried to be better at both. After my sister died in the opioid crisis, my biggest regret was that I wished I'd been kinder to her. Sign up to Well Actually Practical advice, expert insights and answers to your questions about how to live a good life after newsletter promotion If he was having a hard time, I wanted to be kind, and that would require putting aside my pride and being vulnerable. So, after about a month of no communication, I sent him one last text: I hoped he was OK, and if he ever needed a friend, I was here. (I didn't want him to feel alone in the world.) It was a short message: no digs; no question that required a response. I just put it out there sincerely. Two days later, I received an antiseptic response about how busy he was, and he 'hoped I was well', like we had just met at a corporate retreat in the Catskills. Vulnerability sounded much more empowering when Brown talked about it. After that, I deleted all his texts, except one saying: 'I love you' – to prove to myself I didn't imagine the entire thing. I can accept being ghosted, but I refuse to be gaslighted. One of my first jobs after college was teaching English at an elite prep school in New York City, a world unknown to me, the daughter of a waitress and a Vietnam combat veteran from western New York. While I was not prepared for these precocious, worldly students , I loved teaching short stories, because it's how we live our lives: one story stacked on another, then another, some running in parallel. Everything all at once. In some stories, you might be the protagonist – in others, just a supporting role. But in all of them, we intertwine with people living in stories of their own. I'll never know what happened with him, but I've decided my ghost story is a comedy, which feels empowering. I tell it with humor, and people always respond with laughter and empathy. No matter how old we get, one of the best parts of dating is telling friends your stories. I have an amazing group of women from home, whom I consider 'million-dollar therapy'. We support each other, deal with life's absurdities together and laugh about how we are now the same age as The Golden Girls, but with better hair. Looking back after almost a year, I don't regret what happened – even though I felt so humiliated at the time. I took a risk trying to connect with someone I cared about, and it didn't work out. But in the end, I tried to be kind – and there's power in that, not shame. Most importantly though, I'm hopeful again and looking forward to my next story. Kelly O'Connor is a Partner at Boston Consulting Group (BCG) in Washington DC and a patient advocate and a TEDx speaker about the opioid crisis.
Washington Post
23-05-2025
- General
- Washington Post
Carolyn Hax: As their wedding plans stall, daughter's groom suggests eloping
Carolyn Hax is away. The following first appeared Feb. 27, 2011. Dear Carolyn: My 34-year-old daughter is engaged to a wonderful man, 40. They plan to be married in her hometown (his family is from out of state), but that is all they can agree upon in regard to the wedding. Her fiancé would like to have his family there but knows it will be a disaster if he does. His mother has spoiled his siblings' weddings, and his brother has been cruel to him. (His father is deceased.) His mother is apparently a major control freak who will do anything to either sabotage, control or load on the guilt.
ABC News
17-05-2025
- Entertainment
- ABC News
The Surfer brings together Nicolas Cage, Julian McMahon and Miranda Tapsell in an Australian-made coastal thriller
These days, Nicolas Cage doesn't star in movies so much as he swallows them whole. What: A middle-aged businessman returns to his coastal hometown, where he's mercilessly hazed by the locals. Directed by: Lorcan Finegan Starring: Nicolas Cage, Julian McMahon, Justin Rosniak Where and When: In cinemas now Likely to make you feel: Caged in While his recent critical resurgence (via Pig, Mandy, and other fashionable indie projects) has rightfully restored some respect to his name, his larger-than-life presence remains a liability. Every Nicolas Cage film arrives with the expectation that it be weird, funny or at least provide a Classic Cage Freakout™ that can be strung to the end of a YouTube compilation. Recent highlights like Dream Scenario, Renfield, and The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent have tackled the problem head-on by casting Cage as characters who winkingly reference his prolific career and/or literally himself, celebrating his dual status as serious acting talent and perpetual meme machine. Then there's The Surfer: a claustrophobic coastal thriller that asks audiences to believe that someone who looks, sounds and madly gesticulates like Nicolas Cage has spent his formative years chasing waves in a secluded Australian town. That Cage's unnamed character (credited only as 'The Surfer') feels drastically out of place is, to some extent, the point. Having lived a cushy corporate life in the States, the psychic fallout of an impending divorce sends him spiralling back to his hometown, where he intends to close the purchase of his father's beachfront house and reconnect with his son (Finn Little). As soon as he steps out of his shiny Lexus, a tan suit strapped to his skin, he's marked as easy prey by the area's merciless teens and authoritarian beach bros. Their opposition is rooted not so much in class rivalry — the hallmarks of gentrification, from wealthy dog-walkers to a pop-up café, have already taken root — but in vicious, sneering tribalism, enforced by the local mantra: "Don't live here, don't surf here." When his surfboard is stolen, our defiant protagonist embarks on a misguided campaign to stake his claim on the beach. Across 99 varyingly plausible minutes, the film works hard to contrive reasons for its title character not to simply retreat from this hostile environment, even when his efforts see him beaten, stripped of his material possessions, and ripped from the shelter of his own car. The result feels visually constricted — The Surfer spends interminable stretches circling a beach car park — yet narratively loose, struggling to turn the screws on its main character in the way that a single-location thriller demands. At least the town's top dog, Scally, makes for an effective adversary. Julian McMahon (Nip/Tuck) gamely transforms into a grind-set manosphere influencer with a legion of dedicated, meat-headed followers at his beck and call (among them, Justin Rosniak's slimy copper). It's likely the best performance anyone has given from underneath a scarlet hooded towel — a well-observed balance of supreme arrogance, laddish joviality and domineering menace. The supporting cast also extends to a couple of friendlier faces, chiefly Miranda Tapsell's Photographer and Nicholas Cassim's Bum, a wronged vagrant haunting the shores whose semblance gradually mirrors Cage's sunburnt, raving protagonist. Cage remains reasonably fun to watch, though you've seen much of this routine before. Director Lorcan Finnegan (Vivarium) makes the most of his befuddled expressions throughout his slow-motion breakdown, frequently capturing him in exaggerated, low-angle compositions or zooming onto his grizzly visage. Thankfully, the film is selective about exactly how much Cage one should unleash. The film's ironic tone — telegraphed by François Tétaz's syrupy, mid-century-flavoured score, and colour grading overly reminiscent of Espresso — sends up the Australian Dream and the cult of masculinity without undercutting the genuine grief that Cage is delivering. It's still not enough to look past his egregious miscasting, considering there's no shortage of Australian actors who, true to his character, have largely spent their careers in America — especially when Julian McMahon would've perfectly fit the bill. The Surfer disappoints, if only because it could be doing an awful lot more. Scally's sermonising repackages the masochistic misogyny of Fight Club's Tyler Durden, but the film half sells its allure, in part because Cage's pathetic, easily duped character isn't all that fun to toy with. A psychological thriller can only extend so far beyond a protagonist as sparsely characterised as this one. Genre fans will likely get a kick out of the film — you could certainly do worse when it comes to Cage's filmography — but The Surfer is hardly riding another New Wave. The Surfer is in cinemas now.
Al Jazeera
14-05-2025
- General
- Al Jazeera
Sara in Southern Lebanon
Sara Rammal is from the village of Odaisseh in southern Lebanon, near the border with Palestine. She shares a personal video with Al Jazeera of the destruction of her hometown following Israeli bombardments after October 2023. This video diary captures a day in the life of of those working to rebuild the place they call home.
Daily Mail
09-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
Reality TV star is unrecognizable in rare throwback photo at age 12... can you guess who this superstar is?
Today, he's a reality TV star and podcast host that has conquered his demons and found his place in the world. But back when he was 12, he didn't feel as though he belonged and feared he would be misunderstood if he were to be his true self. This star is now known for their hairstyling prowess and stars on one of the biggest shows where he helps conduct life-changing makeovers. However he got candid about his childhood fears as he shared a throwback photo of himself at age 12. In the photo, the future star wore a blue T-shirt, jeans, and several necklaces as he posed by a bike. Can you guess who it is? It's Jonathan Van Ness of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Van Ness is now releasing a book entitled Let Them Star, and on Thursday shared the throwback photo along with a meaningful message about the page-turner and the limitations he perceived about his hometown as a child. 'This is 12 year old Jonathan. He didn't see a possibility of staying in his hometown after high school. 'He didn't see a place where he could build a community that would see and accept him for who we was,' he continued. 'He wasn't able to see a world where small towns celebrated and lifted queer people. 'This 12-year-old Jonathan would escape in the fantasies of Casper, Harriet the Spy and Now & Then. 'I wrote Let Them State for not just this Jonathan, but for the millions of other people who have felt like they don't belong or can't see a future for themselves where they are.' He continued: 'I want this Jonathan and all people (young and of all ages) to see themselves in Sully, and in this book. 'I want them to not only see but believe that no matter where they are, there can not only survive, but thrive. He concluded: 'That Quincy, Illinois is home for this 12-year-old Jonathan and always will be. And he doesn't have to run away to feel accepted for who he is.' The book Van Ness wrote is called Let Them Stare and it hits bookstore shelves on May 20. Previously, Van Ness, 38, who is nonbinary but uses all pronouns, blasted a bombshell Rolling Stone report which had claimed that they were emotionally 'abusive' on set of the reality series as not being 'based in reality.' They appeared on the Table Manners With Jessie And Lennie Ware podcast last summer and said: 'I think a lot of people were like looking for a reason to hate me or like looking for a reason to be like, "See, I always knew that they were a fake c*** and this is the proof."' 'He didn't see a place where he could build a community that would see and accept him for who we was,' he continued Jonathan thanked the support system they had while saying they tried to keep off of social media during that period. The reality star explained: 'My family was so supportive of my husband and my team, but I didn't even get on social media or, like, look at my phone for three weeks.' Jonathan said their castmates first learned of the expose back in December 2023 and they claimed that a lot of the information that had been gathered was 'taken out of context' in order to make them look 'as bad as possible.' They said: 'I think people forget no matter how famous you are you're still a person. 'That article came at like an incredibly vulnerable time, like for my hair care company, for like my whole career. It just was really rough.' Jonathan went on to completely the article as being 'completely untrue' and alleged that it was done 'in bad faith.' However they did admit that there may have been some times when they had snapped at people or 'could have done better.' The bombshell report Jonathan was responding to was published by Rolling Stone in March 2024. According to multiple production sources, who all spoke to the publication anonymously, Van Ness made the show increasingly difficult to produce due to his behind-the-scenes behavior. They were accused of being 'emotionally abusive', having 'rage issues', and being a 'nightmare.' 'There's a real emotion of fear around them when they get angry. It's almost like a cartoon where it oozes out of them,' claimed one source. 'It's intense and scary,' they added, further claiming that Van Ness was a 'yeller' who would 'explode once a week'. One source said that Van Ness has a 'very warm, very charismatic' side to their personality which is what the public sees, but there's another side that comes out behind the scenes. 'At least once a day, they would need to yell at somebody. It might be something small, but there's always going to be somebody to point out and blame and make the villain of the day,' they alleged. Rolling Stone also claimed that the Queer Eye cast were engaged in 'petty disputes and competition' with each other over screen time and who was the 'top star' on the show. Queer Eye, starring Antoni Porowski, Tan France, Karamo Brown, Bobby Berk, and Van Ness, premiered on Netflix in 2018 and immediately became a pop culture phenomenon. While each cast member has gone on to find success on their own terms, Van Ness was arguably the breakout star of the series. Not only does Van Ness have the most social media followers of the group, they have published three books -including a New York Times bestseller- and launched the hit podcast Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness. The podcast was turned into its own standalone Netflix series in 2022. Van Ness also has a successful haircare line called JVN, which is stocked in Sephora.
