Latest news with #loveletters
The Sun
5 days ago
- Health
- The Sun
I found out my long-term partner is married when he called me by another woman's name during sex – I'm devastated
DEAR DEIDRE: I FOUND out my partner is married when he called me by another woman's name during sex. We've been dating for five years. I'm devastated. At 40, I thought I was smart enough to spot the bad boys. My ex-husband was emotionally abusive so I'd sworn off men forever. But when I travelled 150 miles to oversee a project at work, one of the clients swept me off my feet. He's 45, funny, handsome and kind — he ticked all my boxes. And the sex was amazing. We'd spend whole weekends together in bed. The long-distance aspect made everything more exciting. He'd often be out of touch in the evenings, but I believed he was doing overtime. I saw him every other weekend, and he'd send me flirty texts and emails at work. I never for one second suspected he was married. Last month, he travelled down to my house for the weekend. On the Saturday night, we both got very tipsy on the sofa and ended up making love on the floor. He had his eyes shut. As I leant down to kiss him, he murmured another woman's name. I thought I'd misheard him, so I asked him to repeat it. He started to, then opened his eyes and the colour drained from his face as we both realised what he'd said. Eventually, I got the truth out of him. He's been married for a decade and he's got two kids. Dear Deidre After Dark- Understanding open relationships I kicked him out immediately, but he's been bombarding me with flowers and love letters. I know I should stay strong. I don't want to be some man's dirty secret. But I love him. DEIDRE SAYS: You thought he was your happy ever after, but he's just as emotionally unavailable as your ex. Start standing up for yourself now and tell him that you won't date a married man. Setting a boundary like this feels scary at first, but you'll be grateful you valued yourself in the long term. Cutting things off for good will stop you feeling like his 'dirty secret' and, more importantly, it will give you the chance to find somebody local to you. Someone you could see often, and who would put you at the top of his list of priorities. You owe that much to yourself. You've had a tough history of relationships, but it doesn't mean that every man will be like this cheat or your ex. My support pack, Your Lover Not Free?, explains why these types of relationships can be so addictive. You'll start to feel better when you've drawn a line under this and begun focusing on your future. SHE PREFERS SHOPPING TO SEX WITH ME DEAR DEIDRE: I NOW understand why people have affairs. I've been married for 21 years and my wife seems more excited about online shopping than sex with me. I'm 50, she is 46. We're too young to be celibate. Everything was great until a couple of years ago. We'd have sex a couple of times a week and we both enjoyed it. But then she started to seem annoyed, rather than aroused, whenever I made a move. After a few weeks, I asked her what was wrong, and she said she was 'perimenopausal'. I took her to the doctor and she got HRT patches. Her mood brightened up and she got her energy back, but the bedroom remained a desert. My frustration turned into anger and we had a blazing row. She said she'd be more in the mood if I took her out on date nights and booked a holiday. So I did. And she wasn't. In fact, on our last date night, she rushed through dinner and insisted we went home ASAP. I hoped it was because she finally wanted to hit the sheets. No. It was because she'd got a text saying her Amazon driver was three stops away. I don't know what to do. I'm on the verge of telling her I want to separate. I love her, but I don't want a sexless marriage. Even on HRT, the hormones are no longer as powerful as they once were and she may be feeling that she just doesn't get the 'urge' any more. She might also have started to find making love uncomfortable. If she's experienced painful sex, she could well be scared to try again. Perhaps, if you tell her you're thinking of separation then she may seek some extra help. Testosterone is one of the hormones believed to make the most difference in sexual appetite for women. Unfortunately, this hormone isn't available on the NHS. Your wife may want to consider talking to a private consultant about getting her hormone levels tested, or to ask her GP to refer her on to an NHS consultant. My Menopause Explained support pack, which goes into detail, will tell you more. Sex therapy might also help. You can find reputable help via The College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists ( 020 8106 9635). FAMILY FORUM DEAR DEIDRE: MY son blocked me from seeing my granddaughter, so I took him to court. But the judge ended up ruling against me. My son and I have always had a strained relationship. His father left us when he was a baby, so I brought him up alone and I must have spoiled him. He got used to having his own way and I always gave in. I'm 60 now and he's 34. He married five years ago and had a daughter. She's the apple of my eye. I loved seeing her. My son continued to bully me. He'd demand money and threaten to cut off contact if I said no. He expected me to look after their pets every time they went on holiday, even though I work full-time. I eventually stood up to him and told him I wouldn't be pushed around. That's when he stopped me from visiting my granddaughter. He wouldn't take my calls and barred me from their house. I sent my granddaughter birthday and Christmas presents, but heard from a mutual friend that my son ripped off the labels and told her they were all from him. After 18 months, I went to court to gain access. But the judge ruled against me, saying that as I hadn't seen my granddaughter for so long, it wouldn't be beneficial for contact to resume. My son smirked at me across the room during the ruling. I'm heartbroken. DEIDRE SAYS: What a distressing situation. I can understand why you're heartbroken. Your bullying son is using his own daughter to hurt you. Sadly, grandparents in the United Kingdom currently have no inherent legal right to see their grandchildren. But you don't have to go through this experience alone. You can find emotional support through Grandparents Apart UK ( a charitable organisation dedicated to helping grandparents keep in touch with their grandchildren if they've been denied contact or have fallen out. You can also find information and advice through Stand Alone ( can't get this link to work on laptop or phone, which helps people of all ages who are estranged from, or disowned by, their family. Good luck. UNCOMFORTABLE WITH NUDE SNAPS DEAR DEIDRE: MY friend keeps asking me to send him explicit photos. We're in our twenties and have known each other for years, but we were purely platonic until we shared a drunken night together a couple of months ago. Physically, things weren't good for us, so we agreed to go back to being pals. But since then, he drunkenly FaceTimes me every week, asking me to talk dirty to him and send him photos of my boobs and bits. I had no idea he was this kinky. I want to stay friends, but it's making me uncomfortable. I've also started a new relationship and I don't think they'd take kindly to it. DEIDRE SAYS: You are always within your rights to say no to sexual requests that you're not comfortable with. Not only is this man overstepping the bounds of friendship, but once you send nude photos of yourself out into the world, you have no control over where they'll end up. Keep saying no. If you lack the confidence to stay strong, read my support pack, Standing Up For Yourself. It explains how to communicate assertively.
Japan Times
27-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Japan Times
Japanese student in India reflects on her grandfather while filming World War II movie
Mika Sasaki, a 32-year-old Japanese filmmaker studying in India, is creating a World War II-themed short film in the South Asian country, where her late grandfather is believed to have survived one of the fiercest battles during the war. The movie "Bougainvillea no Yume" ("Bougainvillea Dream") tells the story of a married couple who communicate through letters while separated by war and reunite in a dream. Sasaki — a native of Sabae, Fukui Prefecture — was inspired by a book by Mayumi Inagaki about "115 love letters" a Fukui woman sent to her husband while he was away at war. Sasaki decided to make the film to mark the 80th anniversary of the end of the war, as India, then part of the British Empire, was also a battleground. The first Japanese student at a national film institute in Kolkata raised the money to cover production costs via crowdfunding, gathered actors from Japan and India, shot the film in February, and is currently doing editing. She hopes to showcase it at film festivals in Japan and other countries in June or later. "I wonder how many young people died without seeing their families or loved ones (again)," says Sasaki. "As a new generation, it's meaningful to think about the Japanese who died here and what Japan did to other countries." Filmmaker Mika Sasaki poses with items left by her late grandfather during an interview in Kolkata, India, on May 18. | Jiji Her grandfather, Hisashi, was a member of an infantry regiment of the now-defunct Imperial Japanese Army that engaged in the Battle of Imphal in northeastern India, considered one of the most reckless campaigns during the war. Although he sent letters to relatives while in Manchuria, now northeastern China, he did not leave behind any wartime correspondence. He also never talked about the Imphal operation, and he died in 1995 at age 74. Still, a notebook he kept revealed that many of his fellow soldiers were killed in the battle, suggesting the possibility of Hisashi, himself, having advanced close to a city experiencing hell-like conditions. "It must have created serious trauma for him," Sasaki said. Sasaki also said the military conflict between India and Pakistan earlier this month "has changed the weight of the film." "I don't want to see war," she said. "It's really enough."
The Sun
17-05-2025
- The Sun
Besotted prison officer caught sneaking into cupboard with inmate ‘wants to rekindle their romance' after her release
A CONVICTED drug dealer who wooed a disgraced prison officer plastered his cell walls with her photos - and has vowed to wait for her on the outside. Morgan Farr Varney, 24, was locked up for ten months after being caught slipping into a cupboard with the con while working at HMP Lindholme in South Yorkshire. 6 6 6 The inmate has been named as Jordan Stones, 30, a crack cocaine dealer currently serving a five-a-half year sentence. Stones, from Stockton-on-Tees, Co Durham, posted images from his cell on Facebook showing racy snaps of his prison officer lover pinned to the walls. And his mother now insists the couple are still together - and will rekindle their relationship when the pair are eventually released from jail. Donna March, 47, said: "They are still together. They've been together for two and a half years. All of his belongings are at her house for when he gets out of jail. "She was around here all the time with my girls. She takes them out for day trips, she takes them up to her place at weekends." Ms March, of Billingham, Co Durham, added: "Honest to God, she's like another daughter to me. She's amazing." Farr Varney joined the Prison Service in 2022 and became besotted with Stones while he was on remand at the category-C prison near Doncaster. Suspicions were raised after she was spotted with him on a wing at Lindholme and she was arrested in January 2023. An investigation revealed a slew of love letters between the pair, including in the inmate's cell and in Farr Varney's bedroom. CCTV footage also showed the pair entering a cupboard. Interviewed by police, Farr Varney admitted she had "proper fallen in love" with him and admitted she had "f****ed her life up". Stones was handed an extra six weeks' jail time after being caught with an illicit mobile phone to stay in touch with the shamed guard. Prison officer smuggled Calpol syringe into jail to artificially inseminate herself with 'dangerous' lag's sperm Farr Varney, of Stainforth, South Yorks, was this week sentenced to ten months in prison after admitting to misconduct in public office. Stones was jailed at Teesside Crown Court in April 2023, after pleading guilty to two counts of possessing a Class A drug. One charge was for possession with intent to supply crack cocaine, while the other was for simple possession. He was previously jailed aged 20 after being caught selling heroin. Police caught him attempting to flush wraps of heroin down the toilet. After being bailed, officers caught him with another 12 wraps the following day. Stones told detectives he was selling the wares to pay back a drug debt. 'CLEAR MESSAGE' Farr Varney had received anti-corruption training just months before the affair began. Following her arrest, she resigned from her role - but the relationship continued despite Stones being moved to Wealstun Prison, near Wetherby in West Yorkshire. Farr Varney appeared on This Morning last year to discuss facing huge bills after buying braces from an online dental firm only for it to fold partway through her treatment. Detective Constable Scott Jarvis, of South Yorkshire Police's Prison Anti-Corruption Unit, said her sentencing should send a "clear message" to warders considering embarking on affairs. A record number of female prison guards have been fired for affairs with male inmates - with 29 given the sack in the past three years. That compares to just nine women who lost their jobs for the same offence between 2017 and 2019. In January, former Wandsworth prison officer Linda De Sousa Abreu was jailed for 15 months after a film of her having sex with an inmate was shared online. Det Con Jarvis said: "We take any reports of improper relationships between prison staff and inmates incredibly seriously and conduct thorough investigations to ensure those who are guilty of these offences are brought to justice. "These types of relationships are thankfully rare, but when they do happen, they threaten to undermine the reputation of the prison service and other hard-working prison officers who abide by the rules and regulations attached to the job. "I hope this sentencing sends out a clear message to any prison officers thinking of committing similar offences that if you engage in this type of criminality, you will be investigated by police and you will be brought to justice." 6 6 6
News.com.au
14-05-2025
- News.com.au
Prison officer caught sneaking into cupboard with inmate is jailed
A British prison officer caught sneaking into a cupboard with an inmate she says she 'proper fell in love' with has been jailed. Morgan Farr Varney, 24, swapped love letters with the prisoner while working at a secure male unit in Lindholme in northern England. The pair were only busted when CCTV showed them 'loitering' at the Category C jail before vanishing together, The Sun reports. Following her arrest, Farr Varney, who once appeared on popular British talk show 'This Morning' to talk about a dentistry 'nightmare', admitted she had 'f***ed her life up'. She has now been jailed for ten months after pleading guilty to misconduct in public office. Sheffield Crown Court heard Farr Varney joined the Prison Service in April 2022 and soon entered a training program involving anti-corruption. She also received training on conditioning from inmates and how to spot it. But suspicions were raised when CCTV showed Farr Varney heading into the cupboard with the inmate, who has not been named in reports. Officers searched his cell and discovered a bundle of love letters she had written – as well as other notes in her own bedroom. Farr Varney was arrested and interviewed by officers in January 2023, when she admitted she had 'proper fell in love with him'. After she was released on bail she resigned from her role at the prison and the lag was moved to a different prison. But lovestruck Farr Varney continued the relationship – with cops finding pictures of her in the prisoner's new cell. Detective Constable Scott Jarvis, who is part of South Yorkshire Police's prison anti-corruption unit, said: 'We take any reports of improper relationships between prison staff and inmates incredibly seriously and conduct thorough investigations to ensure those who are guilty of these offences are brought to justice. 'These types of relationships are thankfully rare, but when they do happen, they threaten to undermine the reputation of the prison service and other hardworking prison officers who abide by the rules and regulations attached to the job. 'Staff at HMPPS Counter Corruption Unit supported us throughout our investigation and I want to thank them for their cooperation. 'I hope this sentencing sends out a clear message to any prison officers thinking of committing similar offences that if you engage in this type of criminality, you will be investigated by police and you will be brought to justice.'
Yahoo
11-05-2025
- General
- Yahoo
How to Say I Love You
The kids' folders come home from school fat with dead-stock papers: permission slips, notices, idle doodles, art projects, completed packets of classwork. I sort through it all, checking their work before depositing it into the recycling bin. On my eldest daughter's first day of kindergarten, I told myself I would keep scads of her schoolwork as mementos in boxes in the attic, but I underestimated how much there would be. At some point, you can't hold on to everything, which is a hard lesson to accept. Throwing it all out is disturbing in a symbolic way, a material manifestation of the fear that one is frittering away precious days with one's children. I comfort myself by retaining bits that strike me as significant, like all of the love letters addressed to me. Children begin writing about love as soon as they're literate. They're cooperating with the adage that you ought to write what you know. 'Dere mom,' a recent missive from my 5-year-old read. 'I love you so much.' The text took up a whole page, was repeated on the back, and repeated again on a second sheet, each iteration in different shades of crayon, an adorable version of the typewriter scene in The Shining, as though repetition was all she had to convey the degree of her emotions. Of course, these are words that I taught her, and habits of expression I've modeled: I have told her that I love her every day, several times a day, since before she was born, tens of thousands of declarations, an almost desperate need to express something too profound for words. This is an acute frustration. The love for one's children is overwhelming, so intense that its attendant emotions often register as physical sensations: the blossoming euphoria triggered by the scent of the child's hair, the full-body warmth provoked by a long embrace, the painful twist in the chest at the mere thought of their pain or fear or sorrow. I receive each of my children's notes as a shot through the heart—not because I despair that they will someday cease but because the satisfaction of requited love is so transcendent right now. We have a closed circuit, a little private world: I shower them with all the love my soul can conjure, and they do the same for me. How to explain the magnitude of this love? It's enormous; it's animal; it's amoral—the things I would do for the sake of this love, which emanates from some primitive, elemental place. I envision ochre paintings on torchlit cave walls: Did they feel this too, and how did they express it? I read once that most cave art was created by women and children. What did they say to one another? [From the June 1990 Issue: Mother's Day] When I was a little girl, I wrote messages of love for my mother, delivering them on construction-paper hearts all throughout my childhood. Now I spend time contemplating more elegant and mature ways to communicate that same sentiment, because the urge to write her love letters has not subsided. It's taken on a certain urgency now that I understand the sacrifices she made for me. My mother used to pick me up from day care in paisley dresses or broomstick skirts with slouchy boots, hair hot-rolled and blown out, with the lived-in scent of faded perfume: full glam for an eight-hour workday with a 45-minute commute on either end and then a second shift at home, cooking any number of demanding meals—fried chicken, smothered pork chops, breakfast for dinner with biscuits and gravy—and then helping me and my brother with our homework and loading up the dishwasher, all before she took her makeup off. I used to sit beside her and talk with her while she took her evening bath, watching while she rinsed her mascara off and finally breathed. As I got older, she would call the house landline from her office phone to ask me to peel some potatoes, chop some vegetables, preheat the oven, grate some cheese. Those requests annoyed me at the time, but they, too, were an expression of her love. The comedy of maternal love is that its seismic intensity is expressed, most of the time, in totally mundane drudgery. I would willingly die for you at any moment. Now come here and let me scrub half a tablespoon of popsicle residue off your face. I always knew that my mother loved me. I didn't realize the full practical cost of her love until experiencing it for myself, at least in part. I do not travel to an office building with a full face of makeup; I work from home in yoga pants, and prepare simple food gradually throughout the day rather than whipping up a southern masterpiece at 6 p.m. in a frenzied rush. But there are still the loads of laundry and the piles of dishes, tolerance mustered for the hazards of children's 'help' in the kitchen, and time taken to assist the kids in realizing tiny dreams: raising tadpoles and butterflies, planting hundreds of flowers, crafting salt-dough volcanoes with vinegar and baking soda. I didn't quite grasp the astounding force of feeling layered into all of that until I was the one doing the layering. It's as though I've learned a language my mother was speaking all along, and now understand what she was trying to say. [Gayle Tzemach Lemmon: In praise of single moms on Mother's Day] I'm falling in love all over again. I send my mother texts and flowers and invitations for trips just for us. But the words I find to speak aren't ever equal to what I feel, and I don't foresee that problem resolving; if anything, I suspect it will get worse as time goes on and my love continues to change and deepen. But perhaps the point of all these professions of love, of the notes in crayon and the loads of laundry, is to memorialize this feeling, not just communicate it. Every gesture means: Here and now, I feel something for you that is all-consuming and primordial, the full meaning of which can be revealed only over time. Article originally published at The Atlantic
