16 hours ago
People Who Made 'Marriage Pacts' Are Sharing Whether Or Not They Worked Out, And It's Really A Mixed Bag
Warning: This post mentions suicide.
I think I've seen this movie before — when two friends or acquaintances complain about the stressors of dating, then make a pact to get married after X amount of years. It turns out, people have tested this theory, IRL. In the /r/ask subreddit, someone asked, "Has anyone ever actually followed through on the whole 'If we're both single by the time we're X years old, let's get married' pact?" Well, the tea is hot. Here's what people had to say:
1."So, I know quite a few people who have done that. Only one couple actually followed through. Believe it or not, they're very happy, have kids, and live great, successful lives together."
— Suspicious-Beyond-89
2."I had a joking agreement with a former coworker that I would marry him if I hadn't found someone by 50. Turned out, we didn't want to wait that long and we got married when I was 28. 16 years later, we've got a pretty great life together."
"It was mostly a joke at that point because we'd discovered we had a lot in common, but we weren't really considering dating each other then. That took another year or so after some encouragement from mutual friends."
— Nellie_blythe
3."Interestingly, I made this pact. The other party called me up on it when she reached the age, but I was married. Got divorced and then called her. She was suicidal by this point. Point of the story, no. We didn't get married."
"We lost contact for a bit during the married years, during which she went through substance abuse and spousal abuse issues. When we did catch up, these issues were still being resolved.
Suffice to say, the night she called to say she was ending it all, I called the police and they turned up to stop her. That was too much. She was angry at me for a time, however, she was alive.
I'm happy to say I see her from time to time and she seems happy. All substance issues have been resolved and she has made a life for herself, surrounded by positive people."
— EntertainerNo8806
4."In college, my best friend and I semi-seriously agreed that if we were both single by 30, we would get married to each other. But neither of us was single at 30 because we started dating and got married to each other before we even graduated. This April was our 12th anniversary."
— tricerasox
5."I made that pact with someone. It was his idea, as we had the same birthday, and he confessed to having a crush on me in high school. We reconnected 10 years after graduation by passing each other on the street in a different city. We became good friends for about three years, then he brought up the pact. A few months before the set date to become engaged, he blocked me. One day, he was joking about the upcoming engagement day — the next, just gone with no goodbye."
"I had to Google to find out he had met someone. They were having a short engagement with a fast-approaching wedding day, and it was set for the day before our targeted engagement day. I can also math and realized they had their baby about 9 months from the last message from him. No idea if they're still married or not.
The disappearing act hurt more than the fact that he ended up with someone else, because I thought we were friends.
I'm married now to a great and loving man, and I wouldn't want to be with anyone else. Things work out how they're meant to work out."
— Objective-Bug-1941
6."Yes. I made the pact with my now-husband when we were 21. My heart was broken by someone at 25, so we got married at 26. We didn't even make it to 30, which was our original agreement. It's been 15 amazing years, wouldn't change a thing."
"We skipped all the awkward 'getting to know/impress you' stage and had been very good friends for a decade before we married. No surprises. I was already friends with his mom, so I've never had weird in-law issues. Overall, the best decision I made for my life. We've been to hell and back with life unfolding as it has, but it's been doable with him by my side and two boys who give us a lot of joy. We don't fight. We stay engaged with each other. IDK, just all the things that make marriage a good time."
— LosNava
7."I made this pact with my best friend when we were in high school, maybe 15 years old or so in 2007. If we were unmarried at 30, we would do it. We had dated briefly, went to prom together, but had a minor falling out after high school, then reconnected in 2011. We both still had feelings for each other, but were both in relationships that we stayed faithful to. We did become close friends again, and the pact was still on. I broke up with my girlfriend in 2012, but never tried anything as she was still in a relationship. Two years later, I became her pallbearer and eulogist at 21. Fuck drunk driving."
— doctajones9
8."I made this pact with my best male friend in college that we'd date if we were both single at 30 (married seemed like overkill). Then, we decided to just try dating now because why not? We broke up, then got back together, and got married at 27. Still happily married 15 years later!"
"TBH, I think the pact was mostly both of us avoiding telling each other we were interested because we didn't want to wreck a great friendship."
— CeruleanPimpernel
9."A friend did an interesting version of this. She never dated and focused on studying and establishing her career. At 30, she decided it was time to marry, made a list of 10 or 12 men she knew from school, church, etc., and ranked them. She started calling from the top of the list and was upfront about wanting a husband. The first two were married, but the third one thought it wasn't a bad idea, and last I heard, they were still married with two children."
— SeekingAnonymity107
10."My then-high school friend and I joked about it since we always got along so well and never ran out of things to talk about. We moved away and went to two different universities, but kept in touch. He became interested in more than friendship after I got out of a relationship, but I didn't want to risk messing up our friendship."
"Then, he was in a car accident where his vehicle was totaled. He was uninjured, but the scare made me realize how important he was to me and made me want to take the risk of actually dating. Long distance even. We're happily married with kids now."
— b00k-wyrm
11."My sister did this. It wasn't a long-time friend, though, just a man she had previously dated. So, she met him, had a few dates, then they both dated other people for a year, then had a few more dates with each other, and decided to get married. It's not working out great."
"It's been around seven years and they have a daughter together, but my sister is terribly unhappy. From the get-go, they have both said that they don't believe in divorce. He has health issues, too, so my sister spends a lot of time with him at different hospitals and clinics."
— eharder47
12."I had this deal with a childhood friend and an ex. The childhood friend ended up turning into an erratic criminal in and out of jail and homelessness, and the ex is married with three kids."
— Unending-Quest
13."I made that pact with a man when we were in our 20s. By our 50s, I'd been single for 10 years and was happy. He wasn't. He started to get salty with me and reminded me of our pact. I said it was BS fun, not a contract. I ended up having to block him."
— chouxphetiche
14."A friend and I made that pact one night, and the very next night, I met the woman I eventually married. I don't feel too bad since the friend was a far bigger catch than me and ended up fine."
— CalicoDad
15."I did tell a girl in front of her boyfriend at the time that if he didn't marry her in a year, I would. They were both long-time friends of mine, and it was REALLY meant as a joke. I never had romantic intentions for her. We were long-time platonic friends, and the guy and I had been friends since second grade. They broke up shortly after the conversation. I was living out of state and didn't realize they were having a lot of issues. About a year after I said it, we were walking down the aisle."
— emmettfitz
16."I had a close guy friend in high school whom I had a huge crush on. When we were 14, we said that if by 30 we were both single, we would get married. We ended up dating at 16. I moved into his family home a few months later. We're in our 30s with a baby now. We did get married, but at 32, so a few years off."
— Mysterious-Ad4550
17."I have a teen who has made this pact with their best friend that if they're single when they hit 30, they'll marry each other. They're both 18 right now, so I have a few years to see if it happens. "
— fookewrdit
18."My husband and I did! We met in sixth grade and were just casual friends who had classes together, that sort of thing. Fast forward to freshman year, our friend groups meshed together, and we became incredibly close. By junior year, we were inseparable. We made a pact that if we weren't married by 30, we would marry each other."
Netflix / Via
"Just after my 25th birthday, we FINALLY started dating. Four months later, we were in our apartment. Nine months later, we bought our home just down the street from his parents, where all of those teenage memories were made. Two years later, we had our first son. Two years after that, our second son. Here we are nearly 10 years later, happier than ever. I think, in a way, we always knew we were going to be together, pact or not. I love that man so damn much."
— StatusSelf2458
19."My college best friend was on track to do this with her childhood best friend. Turned out, he was a shithead who expected her to give up her life to pop out babies once wed, and when dumped, he immediately started going out with her roommate/ex-sorority sister, who then kicked her out of the house. People grow up and grow differently (she is doing much, much better now)."
— MojoShoujo
20."I used to joke with a coworker that we'd do this if neither of us were married by 30 (me) and 40 (him). I was 22 and he was 32…and we've been together for eight years, married for a year and a half, at 29 and 39, lol."
— No_Space_4me
21."Not me, but my ex-colleague did. When she hit 30, she married her long-term friend with whom she had a pact. I met her about a decade later and asked her how the marriage was. She said it was like having a roommate. "
"When they got married, they weren't in love or anything, so the starting point was already low in terms of an emotional connection. After that, it just got lower, she said. She wanted a family and a baby, so she got what she wanted, but she didn't look particularly happy, but not sad, either."
— TKYRRM
22."My two best friends did. They've been married for five years with two kids. We all saw it coming, regardless."
— uhacciodom
23."Yes. We got married as agreed upon, and are now divorced."
— Adventurous_Froyo007
Have you ever considered a marriage pact, or gone through with one? Share it in the comments!
Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity.
Dial 988 in the United States to reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. The 988 Lifeline is available 24/7/365. Your conversations are free and confidential. Other international suicide helplines can be found at The Trevor Project, which provides help and suicide-prevention resources for LGBTQ youth, is 1-866-488-7386.
