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Forbes

Are Your Attachments Crowding Out Your Aspirations?

. Let's face it, we live in a polarized, cynical world that leaves many people yearning for something better. They carry a nagging sense of unease, while not being confident about what 'something better' might look like. Award-winning psychologist and bestselling author Bob Rosen introduces a simple approach to mental freedom. He explains it in his new book DETACH: Ditch Your Baggage to Live a More Fulfilling Life. Rosen says people can become better versions of themselves by letting go of attachments that may be holding them back—attachments to the past, the future, control, perfection, success, pleasure, and other things that seem harmless until the attachment becomes all-consuming. So, how does one know when an attachment has become a negative thing? 'Healthy attachments with friends and family provide security and validation, while unhealthy ones act as mental baggage, keeping us stuck in dysfunctional patterns,' Rosen says. 'It's normal to reflect on past and future, but problems arise when we dwell on negative memories or excessive worries.' A natural follow-up question is then, how do the attachments Rosen lists affect people's willingness—and ability—to respond in a positive way to organizational change? Bob Rosen 'Self-aware CEOs recognize the link between personal growth and organizational change,' he says. 'The best leaders navigate human strategy effectively, while others get derailed by fear, control issues, and unhealthy attachments to outcomes. During transitions, leaders must foster hope and clarity rather than allowing emotional baggage to undermine morale, creativity, and performance. During change, you want people to feel excited and hopeful about the future, and clear about their responsibilities to move the ball forward.' If people are carrying too much baggage, Rosen says, they are unable to perform and reach their potential. What can leaders do to help their people successfully navigate change when they are firmly attached to stability and the status quo? 'Uncertainty is reality, yet some leaders cling to the illusion of stability,' Rosen says. 'Their attachment to security, past experiences, or lack of confidence impedes progress. Though people prefer stability, change is constant—every breath alters our world. We must teach teams to embrace uncertainty and vulnerability, which opens paths to innovation. Our brains naturally adapt to threats and learn continuously, but attachment keeps us locked in fear. Letting go is a healthy process that enables us to move forward.' What are the tip-offs that a person is operating from attachment versus aspiration? 'Our emotions signal whether we're operating from negative attachments or positive aspiration,' Rosen says. 'Pain, fear, and anger often indicate attachments requiring new learning—like perfectionism hindering progress during change. Conversely, positive emotions like hope, joy, and gratitude facilitate adaptation, improve wellbeing, and foster better decisions. When leaders embody these positive emotions, they inspire courage and commitment.' How can leaders help create and maintain an organizational culture in which people are proactively inclined to replace their unhealthful attachments with liberating aspirations? Rosen says organizations can't thrive when leaders harbor unhealthy attachments. 'Removing these barriers drives high performance. Replace destructive patterns with positive aspirations: detach from stability to embrace agility; from past grievances to forgiveness; from control to embracing vulnerability; from perfectionism to achieving excellence; from scarcity to abundance; and from self-absorption to generous relationships.' . Rosen says the secret of letting go of our attachments is to replace them with more powerful aspirations. He explains with a story shared Brian Cornell, chairman and CEO of Target. 'Leaders who are mature recognize that they can't be perfect,' Cornell said. 'I was criticized for wanting to be perfect at an early stage of my career. I wanted to make sure I was completely buttoned up. One day, my old boss sat me down and said, 'Brian, you do great work, you have an amazing work ethic, and you're always organized. Everything is perfect and every word is thought out. But you should spend more time just being yourself, being genuine and staying approachable.'' Rosen says Cornell uses this lesson everyday as he leads Target through the storm clouds in today's disruptive business world. What are some practical exercises people can use to begin their detachment journey? Rosen suggests beginning the detachment journey with four steps: When someone is deliberately engaging in detachment, what are some of the tell-tale signs of progress? 'You will feel more joy in your life.,' Rosen says. 'Less worry and anxiety will bring more peace of mind. You will feel more freedom, allowing you to become the person you always wanted to be. You will feel less bogged down by the past, more comfortable with the future, and you will be able to distinguish what you can and cannot do. You will perform excellence without being shackled by being perfect. And you will accept yourself, have the capacity to be comfortable being uncomfortable as you learn, and you will feel a sense of gratitude. As a result, you will perform better.' In what ways does detachment differ from disengagement or apathy? Rosen says detachment doesn't mean disengagement. It's liberation to pursue what truly matters: wellbeing, relationships, community, democracy and the environment. 'Our anxious and polarized world (with 40+ million diagnosed anxiety disorders in the U.S.) leave many exhausted and yearning for better,' he says. 'Half the country feels abandoned, regardless of leadership. It is time for us to stop standing in the way of our own success, to confront our fears and attachments, and live a more fulfilling and prosperous life. The choice is ours.'