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18 hours ago
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My dad wasn't there for us. I'm changing that for my daughter.
Becoming a father to a happy-go-lucky little girl (who is about to hit her third birthday) has certainly had a profound impact on my life. Before becoming a father I can say that my life had felt pretty aimless. I never grew up with any specific aspirations of what I wanted to do with my life. I never had any lofty dreams or goals such as 'I want to be a doctor' or 'I want to be a movie star.' Truth be told, I'm still struggling to find a meaningful profession that I just click with. I was also originally on the fence about having kids. Would I even be good at it? Do I want to give up the freedoms I have and dedicate my time and energy to another? But once my daughter was born, a switch was flipped, a puzzle piece just slid into place. The moment I saw her for the first time, the moment I first held her in my arms and she gripped my finger with that tiny little hand of hers – that was it. I was a dad. It instantly made sense. The love and pride I felt for her was instantaneous. Somehow, I just knew it was right. For the first time in my life, logic and instinct were in perfect synchronization and the universe became aligned. I am now a very involved parent in my daughter's life. I share in everything that my wife does, from the handling of the poopy diapers to the feedings and changings, the bedtime routine, taking her to preschool, education – all of it. Which in my personal opinion, has become way more normalized than back in the day when my own father was my age. All of my guy friends who have young children treat them with roughly the same level of care and attention. Your Turn: Being a dad means understanding your kids, even when they don't know themselves | Opinion Forum And this brings me to my own relationship with my father and how it impacted me growing up. My father, overall, was not very happy with his life. He lost his own mother at a very early age and he never really got over that. He suffered from lifelong, untreated depression. From my earliest memory of him and throughout the remainder of his life, he self-medicated with alcohol and smoking. He lost a cushy job back when I was in my single-digit years and afterward bounced around from one disappointing career change to another. He and my mother had constant screaming matches until they amicably divorced when I was about 6. He and my mother remained friendly, and she made sure to constantly keep him involved in our lives, but really, he wasn't really ever there for us. Mom did everything to take care of us, and we went to see him once a week until my sibling and I were of high school age. Then we stopped – because his problems were taking their toll on us. Do you want to take part in our next Forum? Join the conversation by emailing forum@ can also follow us on X, formerly Twitter, @usatodayopinion and sign up for our Opinion newsletter to stay updated on future Forum posts. Let's just fast-forward this part of the story about my father (because I could say a lot more) up to 2013 when he finally took his own life and end it there. Even as a child, I've always been a deep thinker and I never harbored resentment toward him, because I knew that he loved us. He was just incapable of being a dad to us. And to his credit, he is my driving motivation for how I am today with my own daughter. He became a textbook example of how not to deal with a child. His memory is a constant reminder that I need to be vigilant about my own shortcomings and to make sure that I don't become something that gives my daughter grief when she looks back later in life. Admittedly, I did inherit some problems from my father: I suffer from lifelong clinical depression with borderline suicidal thoughts. As mentioned earlier, I also struggle with a lack of direction and motivation with what I want to do with my life. Addiction runs in my family, so I have had to be extra mindful of what I put into my body or how I approach substances. I have anger and anxiety issues. So what would I say to my father on this Father's Day if I could? I would say thank you. Thank you for teaching me these very hard, very important lessons, because I took them to heart. My daughter's happiness to me is paramount, and so I am making it my mission to not have history repeat. I'm going to be the positive male role model she needs in her life. I'm going to show up for all of the important events. I'm going to share in her happiness and hardships. I'm going to walk her down the aisle one day to marry the man or woman whom she loves. I'm going to spoil my grandchildren rotten. I'm going to keep that space I occupy in her heart filled forever. Your Turn: 'I love you' was the last thing I said to her. Mom, I hope I made you proud. | Opinion Forum In terms of how I think of Father's Day compared with Mother's Day, my answer will likely be a controversial one: I don't like Father's Day. I don't like celebrating Father's Day. It's not really a question of being adequate enough or comparable with Mother's Day. I feel the same about both holidays: I believe them both to be pointless. I feel very strongly that important people in your life should be appreciated and celebrated at any given moment you feel a true sense of appreciation and celebration, not just on one specific day of the year. I think a lot about my father and the lessons he taught me and the time I wish I could have spent with him. If he were alive today, I would feel compelled to give him a big hug, a "thank you" and maybe even possibly a steak dinner (cooked the way he taught me how). I know he would love that. I know I would. I don't need a special day for such things. These moments carry way more meaning when provoked by a spur-of-the-moment feeling of love. My special day happens to be my birthday. On that one specific day of the year, I expect pampering. What day even IS Father's Day? I couldn't care less. To my daughter who will probably never read this: I love you more than life itself. You are my whole entire world. My reason for existing. I could never find my own happiness in life until you took form and entered the world. Now you are that happiness. I gave you my heart and would gladly give you the rest of me for you to be whole and happy forever. — Ross Bradfield, Roswell, Georgia This piece was submitted as part of USA TODAY's Forum, a new space for conversation. See what we're talking about at and share your perspective at forum@ You can read diverse opinions from our USA TODAY columnists and other writers on the Opinion front page, on X, formerly Twitter, @usatodayopinion and in our Opinion newsletter. This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Like my dad, I have depression. Being a father lifts me up | Opinion
Yahoo
25-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Older People Are Revealing The Modern Parenting Trends That Completely Confuse Them, And I Low-Key Agree
Every generation tries to parent differently to the one before. But how different is too different? We recently asked older people in the BuzzFeed Community to share the modern parenting trends that completely confuse them. Here's what they had to say... over-the-top birthday parties. "I am shocked how elaborate children's birthday parties have become. Also that schools want people to invite the whole class." —greenphone66 overprotective. "Shielding your kid from any and everything to 'protect' them. Family can't hold the baby because she might get sick. Don't let her fall asleep on you because we don't want her to get used to 'contact sleep.' Never getting a sitter because we don't trust anyone to be with her. Homeschooling because we know better. Get over yourselves. Raising your kid in a bubble doesn't help them in the long run, it makes them incompetent and entitled. Kids need to experience life to learn to navigate it, be happy, and find purpose. " —Anonymous, Pennsylvania not protective enough with social media. "Creating social media accounts for your babies. Why aren't you protecting their right to anonymity?" —Anonymous, UK parenting. "Kids can learn about their feelings and how to handle them without driving the rest of the world mad with their tantrums and complete meltdowns while their parents just coddle them and tell them it's OK. Drives me your kids to be respectful of others." —stylishchair815 reveals. "Not sure if it counts as a parenting trend, but pre-birth gender reveals." —Tez devices. "I cannot stress this enough; an iPad is not a babysitter. I will never get over the fact that parents use devices with addictive app games that rot their children's brains as pacifiers. This needs to stop. We don't need another ruined generation. " —Anonymous double duty working from home. "Working from home as a way to keep your kid out of daycare. It was a necessity during Covid, but has turned into a 'mom hack' that leaves both your child and job neglected." —Anonymous, Charleston, SC "Co-sleeping! Then, when they want the child to sleep in their own bed, they get upset and sometimes even angry with the child when they refuse to sleep in their own bed and cry!" —Anonymous everything. "Obsessively tracking baby stuff on apps and baby monitors (when you live in a small apartment)." —Hannah letting kids "lose." "Not letting your kid learn what it means to lose. Participation trophies." —Anonymous, SC "unique" names. "Ridiculous names. Poor kids will have a lifetime of explaining where their names come from — and how to spell them." "Swearing at/with your kids. I'm not a prude or anything, but I've noticed that people are so nonchalant with their swearing that 1) the kids use it without understanding the meaning or context, and 2) the words have lost their bite in general." —surprisedlegend852 their battles for them. "Over-parenting. You need to let them make mistakes. Do your best to make the hardest lessons hit less hard, but in the end, they don't learn unless they experience it themselves." —Trent "Let them be bored! Kids need time for independent and creative thinking. The times I was bored was when I learned how much I loved art and reading. Kids don't get a chance to learn how to self-regulate when you pack every moment of their day, or give them a tablet because you don't want to engage." —magicalshield808 parents. —Kay beige aesthetics. "The sad beige mom trend. If you want to make the rest of your home sad and beige, that's up to you. But my god! Please let your child's nursery have some colour for their own development and well-being." —Ok_Procedure4993 What modern parenting trends truly baffle you? Share in the comments. Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity.
