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Telegraph
21-05-2025
- Business
- Telegraph
‘I have a secret pot of money my partner doesn't know about'
From secret stashes of cash to unspoken debts, money remains one of the final relationship taboos. While most couples are happy to share everything from streaming passwords to toothbrushes, they're far less forthcoming when it comes to their finances. New research from insurer Aviva has revealed just how widespread the secrecy is – and how rarely couples are having honest conversations about money. The survey, which polled 2,000 people in relationships, civil partnerships or marriages, found that 47 per cent of adults are hiding at least one pot of money from their partner, often referred to as a 'rainy-day fund'. While the majority (53 per cent) claim full financial transparency, the rest admit to keeping savings – sometimes significant ones – under wraps. On average, individuals with secret accounts had £6,495 squirrelled away. The most common motivation? A desire to maintain a degree of financial independence (31 per cent, of all Britons). However, nearly as many cited wanting to fund a holiday (27 per cent), and a striking one in four said they kept hidden savings to avoid feeling 'trapped' in their relationship. Despite this secrecy, nearly half of respondents (45 per cent) said they believed they knew everything about their partner's finances – a notable contradiction. A further 30 per cent said they had some idea, though they didn't suspect any deception. When it comes to communication, the picture is mixed. Just 8 per cent talk to their partner about money daily, while 18 per cent discuss finances around once a month. Alarmingly, 5 per cent said they never talk about money with their spouse at all. On average, couples discuss financial matters around seven times a month – but also argue about them more than five times in that period. The most common flashpoints? Overspending, debt, and who pays what. Some say their partner is too extravagant, others say they're too tight. It seems financial opposites don't just attract – they also argue. With gambling, debt and financial secrecy topping the list of red flags in relationships, the findings are clear: money matters, and we're not talking about it enough. We spoke to two couples and one woman to find out how they manage their money, from completely joint accounts to independent finances — and the negotiations in between. 'I do trust him but I keep a secret stash' Tracey, 53* has been married to David for 20 years. They have twin daughters, who are at university. Tracey says: We've been together for over two decades, raised kids, shared mortgages and somehow muddled through. But when it comes to money? We've always been on different planets. It started small. When our twins were born, I earned more than him. Then I stopped working to care for them – a decision we made together, but the impact hit me harder. Suddenly, I was dependent. And he, bless him, is terrible with finances. He works in IT but used to be in the navy. He was used to everything being sorted for him. He once spent £6 on a bottle of wine that nudged us over our overdraft limit, and we got slammed with £40 in fees. When the twins came along, I thought: I can't live like this. I need a fallback plan. I tried to talk to him about it but he'd go mad and we'd just end up rowing. So I started putting money aside. Quietly. It wasn't some master scheme. It started with cash-in-hand admin work or some child-minding for friends when the twins were young. I'd come home, stick £20 in an envelope in a drawer, and forget about it – until I needed it. Sometimes it was just to get through the last week of the month. Sometimes it was to buy the kids school shoes without a row. Once the kids went to school, I retrained to work in the NHS and I made sure we had separate bank accounts. Now, he pays the mortgage and some bills, but I cover the council tax, car insurance, water rates and all the food. I handle the essentials; he forgets what day the direct debits come out. Recently, he texted me: 'Grab me some beers on your way home – I'll pay you back.' I replied, 'Sure – if you ever paid me back for anything!' Just to wind him up. He hit the roof: 'I pay all the bills!' And I thought: you have no idea what I contribute. Or what I've saved. After my mum died, I used part of my inheritance to pay off debts we'd built up – quietly, efficiently, without fanfare. He never asked where the money came from. I didn't offer it. There might be more money coming in from another inheritance, from my mum's brother this time. I haven't told him. Not because I'm planning to run off to the Maldives, but because I've seen what happens when women are left with nothing. A friend of mine split from her husband and he gave her £300 a month — to feed and clothe the kids. She ended up walking his dogs just to get extra cash. I won't end up like that. So yes, I have a secret savings account. He doesn't know how much is in it. I'm not telling you how much. But yes, it's over £5,000 and it makes me feel safe. I know it's there. For me. For the girls. For emergencies. For peace of mind. Because while I might not wear the trousers financially, I know how to hem them, iron them and make them last another season. And that little stash? It helps me sleep at night. 'We have separate accounts because he used to be too reckless – he pays his wage into my account and I give him spending money' Gill Grist, 61, a carer from the Highlands, has been with her husband Steve, an administration clerk, for 13 years. They have three grown-up children between them, who have all left home and live independently. Gill says: When Steve moved in with me, we didn't have a big sit-down conversation about finances – we just did what felt practical. I already owned my house outright, and all the household bills were in my name. So when Steve joined me, it made sense for his income to go into my account to cover our living costs. From there, I'd transfer any surplus into our respective private accounts – one for him, one for me. I have no idea how much money he has in his account. It's up to him what he spends his money on. I've always been better at managing money, so I keep track of everything – day-to-day bills, savings for Christmas or a rainy day, even long-term planning. Steve doesn't know the balances in any of our pots, and he doesn't ask. He trusts me to handle it. That said, I don't control his personal account – he has full autonomy to spend from that as he wishes, and I wouldn't want it any other way. We've never argued about money. We see his salary as our joint income – I manage the home and care for my mum, which is work too, even if it's unpaid. When times have been tough, for example, when I was working and we both lost our jobs right before Christmas, we adapted. We agreed to buy everyone £5 presents that year. It was hard, but the kids understood. I wouldn't say I have a positive relationship with money. In the past, I have known what it is to live frugally, to be truly frightened about how to get through the week. But I've also learned to trust myself. I know how to make a home feel warm, how to live simply and how to stretch a budget. I bake our bread, grow vegetables from seed, make my own jam and jumpers, and find deep joy in the small things. We don't live extravagantly – our lifestyle in the Highlands is quiet, frugal and fulfilling. For us, money isn't about control or secrecy. It's about survival, trust, and living well with what we have. Steve says: In my younger years, I was completely reckless with money. I lived for the moment – spending freely, building up debt, never planning ahead. My parents died when I was young, so it shaped that attitude. I didn't think I'd live this long, so why save? When I met Gill, everything changed. She's practical, grounded and brilliant at financial management. I've kept my own bank account and pay my wage into Gill's account every month to cover our joint expenses. Although Gill gives me money out of the joint account to cover the likes of the odd drink with a neighbour or the occasional bit of golf kit, we talk about any big expenses and agree them together. But I do keep my own bank account separate for any emergencies. Gill doesn't know how much money is in there. We've never had rows about money – Gill's approach is fair and sensible. If I want to do something, she'll just remind me of what's ahead: 'Let's not eat out this weekend, we've got a trip coming up.' It's not about control – it's about shared priorities. I think of our finances as a true partnership. I may be earning the salary, but Gill is working just as hard – caring for her mum, running the house, managing our money. She's brought a level of financial stability I have never had before. If anything ever happened to her, I'd manage – but I'd be lost without the balance she brings. She hasn't just steadied our finances, she's steadied me. 'We have one account – we can't even keep birthday presents or treats for ourselves secret' Lizzie Beattie, 47, property sales executive from Seaton Delaval, Northumberland, has been married to accountant Craig Beattie, 50, for 20 years. They have three children aged 17, 16 and 13. Lizzie says: I'm not great at admin, but I like things simple. One account. One set of incomings and outgoings. So ever since Craig and I bought our first house together – long before we got married – we've had a joint bank account. Everything goes into it. Mortgage, food, the kids' school stuff, holidays. It just made sense. I do the online banking and keep an eye on what's coming and going. I'm the one who says, 'Hang on, we can't get a takeaway tonight, the car tax is due.' We do have the odd row – usually about small things, like a splurge when we're supposed to be saving. I'm not monitoring Craig's spending like a hawk, it's more that someone has to be the voice of reason when three teenagers are hoovering up our money like a Dyson on steroids. We don't keep secrets – not even birthday presents. If I want to surprise him, he never looks in our joint account, so it's easy. He's less into online shopping, so it's easier for me to sneak things through like a bottle of wine with the girls or a shopping trip for a new dress. Craig earns more than me now – I work part-time and do more with the kids – but I don't feel weird about that. At the start, we earned the same, and we've always seen it as a team effort. We make every big financial decision together. Bonuses get pooled. There's no 'mine' and 'his', it's all 'ours'. Do I sometimes get tired of the constant budgeting, especially when I'd love a shiny new handbag? Yes. But I've learned it's often better to go for experiences over stuff. And besides, we're proud we've raised three kids, kept things steady, and never had to panic about money. That's worth more than any designer label. Craig says: I've worked in finance all my life. But at home? Lizzie's the one managing the money. She does the online banking and keeps us on track. I joke that she runs the books – and I just fix the WiFi. We've always shared a bank account. We set it up when we bought our first house, and never looked back. Everything goes in there: wages and bonuses. And everything comes out: bills, school trips, the lot. We don't have separate accounts – which means total transparency. If I spend £30 on takeaway, Lizzie sees it. That can be tricky. I get an annual bonus, and although it's technically 'ours', I sometimes wish I had a bit of freedom to buy her a surprise without her knowing the price tag. I wanted to get her a ring for her birthday – something lovely and unexpected – but the minute I spent the money, she'd spot it. So I didn't. The bonus is still sitting there, waiting for us to decide together whether we'll put it towards a holiday, the kids, or something else. We've always made joint financial decisions. I've never really understood couples who split everything 50/50, or keep separate accounts with different rules. For us, everything's always been joint – the wins, the bills, the hard bits. Even during the 2008 crash, when I lost my job, we stayed unified. I took voluntary redundancy, which in hindsight, with two toddlers, was probably mad. But Lizzie backed me – and we made it through. Lizzie's a realist. She worries more than me – especially with the current interest rates – but we've always been open about everything. No secrets. No 'his money, her money'. Just us, trying to do our best for the family. Do I sometimes miss having my own financial space? Sure. But I'd rather have the openness we've built. Even if it means no surprise jewellery – yet.
The Sun
20-05-2025
- Business
- The Sun
A quarter of Brits are ‘silent savers' who keep their financial affairs private
ARE you a 'financial freewheeler' or an 'anxious avoider'? Take this quiz to find out your financial personality. The tool will ask you a series of questions based on your approach to conversations around cash in the bank and reveal one of four outcomes. 1 It follows research which revealed a quarter of Brits are 'silent savers' who keep their financial affairs private - with just one in 20 an 'open book' when it comes to money matters. A poll of 2,000 adults also revealed 18 per cent identify as a 'cautious calculator'; a careful planner and meticulous mathematician when it comes to their finances. And 12 per cent were a 'casual conversationalist', discussing money in a relaxed manner and sharing personal experiences. According to psychologist and broadcaster Dr Linda Papadopoulos, the research showed that typically Brits tend to look to avoid conversation around money, despite 50 per cent believing it's a positive thing to talk openly about it. Speaking in collaboration with KPMG UK ahead of National Numeracy Day on May 21, Dr Linda said: 'The research has shown a real mix of confidence when it comes to finance and dealing with money. 'And confidence is key – this isn't just about maths; numeracy is all around us in every way. We're always dealing with numbers in some form in our lives. 'The good news is, many do rate their understanding, but as soon as things get a little complex, confidence levels drop. 'Talking about numeracy and financial topics more frequently would absolutely help people to build confidence, hearing whether other people thrive or struggle – and enable one another by listening and lending a helping hand.' When provided with 10 personality approaches to money, only three per cent considered themselves an 'oversharing optimist' and four per cent a 'competitive comparer'. Respondents are most comfortable speaking to partners (46 per cent), family (20 per cent) and friends (10 per cent) about money but only one per cent would openly discuss it with a work colleague. And when it does come to chatting about finances with friends and family, 24 per cent do so only a few times a year. Three in 10 wish they were more comfortable talking about money with others according to the OnePoll data. More broadly, 88 per cent said they were confident in their ability to work with numbers, but 37 per cent did admit to struggling to understand financial documents such as utility bills and bank statements when it comes to numerical complexity. While 49 per cent said they openly talk about financial topics such as the value of money (61 per cent) and encouraging responsible spending habits (52 per cent) with their children to increase their exposure from an early age. And despite a generally strong understanding of numbers, 35 per cent do find themselves short of cash at the end of each month, with 23 per cent lacking funds halfway through. Typical reasons included unexpected costs (38 per cent), high bills (33 per cent) and not enough income to see them through (29 per cent). However, a lack of savings, bad budgeting and money mismanagement equated to 28 per cent of reasons why. With 30 per cent of those polled saddled with a form of debt, such as a credit card, mortgage or loan. Bina Mehta, chair at KPMG UK, which commissioned the research, said: 'Number confidence can have a significant impact on our lives, especially when it comes to understanding 'everyday' numbers like mortgage or credit card interest rates. 'Good numeracy skills can improve confidence with financial decision making, enhance job prospects, and even guard against vulnerability to fraud and debt, all of which contributes to a healthier and more inclusive economy.' Sam Sims, chief executive at National Numeracy, added: 'This research highlights just how deeply personal our relationship with money is - and how confidence with numbers shapes our financial decisions. 'While it's encouraging that so many people feel confident with numbers, the reality is that millions are still struggling with budgeting and understanding bills and financial documents. 'We know that boosting numeracy isn't just about being better at maths - it's about building the confidence to face everyday financial challenges and make informed decisions. 'That's why National Numeracy Day exists: to inspire people to feel good about numbers and take that first step towards improving their skills - because better numeracy can lead to better opportunities, and brighter futures for everyone.' TOP FIVE MONEY PERSONALITIES BRITS RELATE TO MOST 1. Silent Saver - Prefers to keep financial matters private, rarely discussing savings or investments with others. 2. Cautious Calculator – A careful planner and always analyses financial decisions, often creating detailed budgets and tracking expenses meticulously. 3. Casual Conversationalist – Discusses money in a relaxed manner, often sharing personal experiences and anecdotes without much concern for details. 4. Reluctant Realist - Talks about money with a pragmatic approach, acknowledging financial challenges and limitations. 5. Generous Mentor – Loves to share financial advice and tips, often helping others with budgeting and investing.
CNA
13-05-2025
- Business
- CNA
CNA938 Rewind - Financial Transparency - Is my money, your money?
CNA938 Rewind Many things make or break a relationship - and that includes discussions around money. How should couples approach the topic, and navigate the conversation if it takes an uncomfortable turn? Hui Wong spoke to Amanda Yeap, Senior Journalist at Today, who wrote an article on CNA, 'Financial infidelity can erode trust as badly as emotional or physical betrayal, experts say'.
Yahoo
11-05-2025
- Business
- Yahoo
Is your partner ambitious? 3 financial red flags in a relationship
Nearly a third of Americans feel uncomfortable when talking money and finances in their relationships, according to a Talker Research survey. Never Date a Broke Dude: The Financial Freedom Playbook author and content creator Pattie Ehsaei comes on Wealth to underline the importance of matching your partner's ambitions, three financial red flags, and how money fits into dating and long-term relationships. To watch more expert insights and analysis on the latest market action, check out more Wealth here.
Entrepreneur
08-05-2025
- Business
- Entrepreneur
Money Problems Are a Leading Cause of Divorce. Here's How To Avoid Them
Plus, here's how celebrity couple Sharna Burgess and Brian Austin Green are planning their financial life together Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own. Money can ruin your relationship — so when you say "I do" at the altar, you need to also say "I DO" with your finances. I DO is a framework I developed for navigating your finances as a married couple. It goes like this: Initiate the Conversation Divvy Up "Yours, Mine and Ours" Accounts Opt For a Prenup To show you how it works, I'll give you a real-life example — with the celebrity couple Sharna Burgess and Brian Austin Green. Step 1: Initiate the Conversation Initiating a money conversation seems like it would be a no-brainer — but a lot of couples put it off. This is what happened with Sharna and Brian. " We had a baby a lot quicker than we thought we were going to," Sharna told me on my podcast Money Rehab this week. "I think because it was like going through a tunnel at full speed in the beginning of our relationship, there were some conversations that just got missed.'" If you haven't had this conversation yet, have it now. Don't wait a moment longer. If you wait until the "right time" to have the money talk, it'll be too late. So, what should you talk about? Here's a place to start: Step 2: Divvy Up Accounts Here's the first question that couples face: Whose money is whose? This is a personal decision, and there's no system that works for every couple. Some couples combine finances. Some keep them separate. Personally, I like a system I call "Yours, Mine, and Ours". It's simple: You keep a bank account that's just for you, your spouse keeps an account just for them, and you both contribute to a shared account. This way, you retain some financial independence but also build a financial life together. This is what Sharna and Brian do. For Sharna, it helps keep the magic alive. "I don't want to be over his books, because that's not my job," she said. "I feel like that takes some of the romance away." But as you create a plan to merge finances, you should also create a plan to disentangle them. Which means… Step 3: Opt for a Prenup If you have any form of an "Ours" or joint account, a prenup is critical. This conversation can make people uncomfortable. I first spoke to Sharna a year ago, and asked her whether she and Brian have a prenup plan. She visibly froze, then told me it would be too awkward to discuss with Brian. But a year later, she's changed her tune. " I think protecting yourself is a beautiful thing," she told me more recently. "Knowing that everything is fair and you've made the big decisions, I think it's incredibly smart." I completely agree — but I understand her fear from a year ago. Prenups feel unromantic and stressful, mostly because people think of prenups as divorce planning. But really, it's just insurance. You don't get car insurance because you're planning on getting into a car accident. You get insurance in case of an emergency, and you hope you'll never have to use it, but it makes you feel a little more comfortable in your car. That's how a prenup should feel — it's an emergency measure that makes you feel more secure in your relationship, not less. The intersection of love and money can be messy, but if you follow the I DO framework, you'll be doing right by your partner, yourself and your wallet.
