2 days ago
Ilana Glazer Is Not a Chill Mom—but She's Working on It
Fact checked by Sarah Scott
You'd be forgiven for thinking comedian Ilana Glazer is a chill mom given her most famous role as stoner Ilana Wexler on the popular Comedy Central series Broad City. But the real Ilana, the one with a 4-year-old daughter, is quick to recount the many ways in which she's decidedly not chill: 'When I have expectations of how a trip is supposed to go, how bedtime is supposed to go, how a nap is supposed to go…'
The list goes on, reminding me that Ilana, much like the rest of us, is doing her best. And unlike her free-spirited character, she isn't using as many substances as she once did. 'Although it's nice to have a little break from reality sometimes," she jokes. What she is doing is embracing those things within her control and letting go of the rest.
My childhood best friend and I had our kids around the same time and we're still tight. It's so much easier to be gentle with my close friends than it is when I'm alone in my own head. So, thinking it out loud and then feeling the compassion I give outwardly makes it possible to point that compassion back toward myself.
I learned to slow down and be gentle with myself in the past five years, including during my pregnancy. It's a muscle that needs exercise and breath. I was just texting my husband because the afternoon didn't go as planned. When you have kids, they're not a plan to be executed. They're little magical human beings who need support.
My husband has beautiful instincts to make space for our daughter to have whatever process she's having. And it's so much more delightful than making my kid my little employee, whose job it is to do what I need her to do. I like to plan for things and produce, so it's been a gift to see our combined parenting unfold. It's shown me how much I've been holding on to that I need to let go of.
I want my daughter to make room inside of herself for whatever feelings come up. I want her to gently pay attention to them and, over time, accept them. I've spent a lot of time and money going to therapy to build this practice. At 4 years old, she's embodying this in the most beautiful way by naming her feelings. It's astounding! She's already 30 years ahead of me.
I'm able to separate the private and personal from the public and professional. My career has a lot of function around it, whereas my art is driven from a need, and then my parenting—gosh, what do you even call it—is a pre-need. It's just primal. Not necessarily the conscious ways we raise our kids but the instinct to have a kid. Those moments with my daughter reward my heart in a way that's different from my career and art.
I love Ilana's description of motherhood as primal. It speaks to our deepest desire to care for and protect another person however necessary. Because being a parent is not always neat and organized. Oftentimes, it's raw and messy. And we're here for it all.
Until next time,
Grace
Read the original article on Parents
