5 days ago
Expert reveals the 'desperate' text you shouldn't send if you want a second date
Dating in 2025 can be a hugely stressful and complicated affair as most singletons know all too well.
Many people go on enjoyable dates, and then are surprised when the person they shared a pleasant evening with just disappear.
This can be especially galling when everything seemed to go well, and a second date seemed to be in the bag.
Not knowing what went wrong can mean daters are left questioning their behaviour, ruminating on what happened - and why.
According to sex and relationship expert Anita Fletcher, many daters are likely jeopardising their chances of securing a second date by sending 'desperate' text messages that can put off a prospective partner.
She said: 'We've all been there, but some texts scream desperation louder than others.'
Anita has identified six texting mistakes people make that can make them appear desperate and needy, and come across as red flags to potential partners.
1. 'Hey, you there?' (The desperation check-in)
This seemingly innocent message is a major red flag, according to Anita.
She explained that sending it multiple times throughout the day shows you're constantly checking if they're available – and that you have nothing better to do.
'This text reveals anxiety about being ignored,' she said.
'It puts pressure on the other person to respond immediately, which feels suffocating in early dating.'
Better alternative: Wait until you have something specific to say. Try: 'Just saw that new coffee place you mentioned! Have you tried their cold brew?'
2. The triple text trap
Message 1: 'Hey! How's your day?' Message 2: 'Hello???' Message 3: 'Guess you're busy…'
Nothing says needy like bombarding someone with multiple messages when they don't respond fast enough. This behaviour shows you can't handle even brief periods without validation.
'Triple texting demonstrates poor emotional regulation,' said Anita 'It suggests you'll be high-maintenance in a relationship.'
Better alternative: Send one thoughtful message and give them time to respond. If they don't reply within 24 hours, move on gracefully.
3. 'Why aren't you responding?'
Asking people why they aren't instantly replying to messages 'reveals deep insecurity and an inability to respect boundaries', according to Anita
This confrontational text is relationship kryptonite. Demanding explanations for response times shows controlling behaviour before you've even met in person.
Fletcher notes: 'This message reveals deep insecurity and an inability to respect boundaries. It's manipulative and will make anyone run for the hills.'
Better alternative: Simply don't send it. People have lives outside their phones.
If someone consistently ignores you, take the hint.
4. The Overshare Avalanche
'I had such a terrible day at work and my boss yelled at me and then I got a parking ticket and my mum called about Thanksgiving drama and I'm so stressed I can barely function…'
Dumping your emotional baggage via text before establishing a real connection is overwhelming and inappropriate.
'Early dating should be fun and light,' Fletcher advises. 'Save the heavy stuff for when you've built trust and rapport.'
Better alternative: Keep early texts upbeat. Try: 'Work was intense today! Looking forward to unwinding. How was your day?'
5. 'I Miss You' (After one date)
Texting someone to say 'I miss you' after just one date comes across as needy and suggests unhealthy attachment patterns
Declaring intense feelings too soon is a classic needy move. Telling someone you miss them after minimal interaction suggests unhealthy attachment patterns.
'This text implies you're already emotionally dependent on someone you barely know,' Fletcher warns. 'It's too much, too fast.'
Better alternative: Express enjoyment without intensity: 'Had a great time last night! Would love to do it again soon.'
6. The Validation Seeker
Fishing for compliments or reassurance through text screams insecurity. These messages put the other person in an awkward position of having to boost your ego. Fletcher explains: 'Confidence is attractive. Constantly seeking validation suggests you don't believe in your own worth.'
Better alternative: Build confidence through actions, not texts. Focus on sharing interesting thoughts or planning fun activities instead.
Discussing why people send needy texts after just meeting someone, sex and relationship expert Anita Fletcher said: 'Most people send needy texts because they're operating from a place of fear – fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, or fear of not being good enough.
'When someone doesn't respond immediately, anxious attachers spiral into worst-case scenarios. They think silence means disinterest, when really the other person might just be in a meeting.'
According to Anita, the irony is that in being needy, the texter 'creates exactly what we're trying to avoid – rejection'. She continued: 'When we bombard someone with desperate messages, we're essentially saying "I don't trust you to like me unless I constantly remind you I exist". That's exhausting for the recipient.
'My advice? Put down the phone and work on yourself. The best relationships happen when two complete people choose to share their lives, not when one person desperately clings to another for validation. Remember, the right person won't need constant texts to remember you exist – and you won't need constant reassurance that they care.'
