27-05-2025
Humanoid Robot Boxing Is a Thing Now and Tesla's Optimus Should Be Very Scared
Bad news for Optimus—things are getting physical.
There's just something about robots that makes us really want to kick them. Like this one, this one, or all of these ones. I know that the kicking technically has a purpose, but let's be honest, it's not the harrowing trial of human-like locomotion and stability that makes us want to kick, it's the uh… kicking part. Abusing robots is fun, apparently, but also very tiring. I mean, who has time to kick and punch? In this economy? Luckily, this is 2025, and now the robots can kick and punch each other. No, really, they're going in.
Humanoid robot fights have officially begun.
— CIX 🦾 (@cixliv) May 25, 2025
Welcome to this week's hottest new bloodsport (greasesport?), humanoid robot kickboxing, aka the China Media Group World Robot Tournament, which is, according to the overlords of robot violence themselves, the 'world's first combat competition exclusively featuring humanoid robots.' Ding, ding, ding: In one corner, we have Unitree's G1 robot, and in the other corner, we have… another Unitree's G1 robot! Watch them as they perform feats of kicking and punching and wobbling around after being kicked and punched! It's almost as exciting as human violence! Especially if you're a nerd who's really into engineering.
The event, outside of entertaining us with the spectacle of robot-on-robot fisticuffs, is obviously supposed to showcase the agility and humanness of Unitree's G1 robots and China's acumen and advancement on that front. But I'm not sure—technically speaking—there's much to fawn over here. Kicking is cool, don't get me wrong, but robots have been astounding us with feats of agility for a while now, and to be honest, I'll be more impressed when I see a robot that can adeptly fold laundry. But I guess I'm probably missing the point here—this is more about the exhibition than it is the technology. So, to borrow a phrase from everyone's favorite fictional gladiator, Maximus Decimus Meridius, ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?
The answer? Kind of. But to be honest, I'd be a lot more entertained if there were a celebrity in the mix. Not a human one (relax, Danny Bonaduce, you can rest those mittens for now), but a robot one. Pie-in-the-sky scenario? I'm tapping in Tesla's Optimus robot. Sure, Optimus may be better suited for factory life right now (at least Elon Musk hopes so), but how do we really know that Optimus is up to the task of home care and revolutionizing the supply chain until we know whether or not it can kick another robot's metal ass in a fight? I don't know about you, but I always trust the strong guy more. You hear that, Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson? You've got my vote in the bag.
No, but seriously. This is your call to action, Mr. Musk. You may be too much of a coward to take on the metaverse's favorite f***boy, Mark Zuckerberg, in the ring, but now is your time to shine—we all know you need the attention. If your robot is really as useful as you say it is, it's time to put your money where Optimus' shaky hands are and show us what Tesla's humanoid bot can do. Though, to be honest, I think the G1 and Optimus are in a different weight class—the former is just a lil guy after all—so we may need to address that first, even if Musk is no stranger to punching down.
