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Yahoo
17 hours ago
- Health
- Yahoo
'There was no option': Scottsdale PhD warns against parents pushing their kids into sports
Just like there's no textbook on how to become a perfect father, there's no exact blueprint to follow when it comes to teaching, coaching and training your kids on how to become an accomplished athlete in his or her chosen sport – if that's what your son or daughter truly wants. 'The first important thing is just that they ensure this really is the kid's dream,' said Dr. Bettina Lehnert, a Harvard-trained psychologist who has been in private practice in Scottsdale since 1991. "I have certainly had people on my couch who come in years later when they're adults and talk about how their parents pressured them, or one or the other parents pressured them, because the parent is actually living out their own dream for the kid." 'That's obviously a danger because kids are eager to please their parents. They need to have the conversation with the kid and ask them, 'Is this really your dream? Don't do it for me; do it for you if that's what you enjoy.' We've all probably heard, seen or know about the gung-ho dad who was hellbent on turning little Johnny into an NFL quarterback, shaping tiny Tommy into a major league pitcher or pushing petite Pam into becoming an Olympic gymnast. Sometimes, it might work. Usually, it doesn't. Dr. Lehnert says it's important to give your children 'permission to not pursue that dream.' 'When I look back at my patients,' she said, 'they don't want to disappoint their parents, so sometimes they abandon themselves in that process and don't stand up for themselves because they are so motivated by getting their parents' approval. Kids are very vulnerable to that because kids haven't developed that internal sense of, 'I'm OK even without this approval.' 'That's a process that happens throughout human development, which is long and complex. It's a very powerful reinforcer that makes it feel impossible for kids, I think sometimes, to not do the thing they know their parents want them to do.' Read More: 'You can't want it more than your kid': How dads inspired 2 Arizona Cardinals rookies As an example, Lehnert mentioned a recent female patient who had been pushed into a sport she didn't love and didn't wish to pursue. 'But there was no option for her not to in her family, unfortunately,' Lehnert said. 'She was very talented in the sport, but she didn't enjoy it. … It's hard to imagine anyone being able to do that.' The best thing a parent can do to help a child or teenager who is interested in becoming successful in a sport of their own choice, Leinert says, is to provide quality and meaningful support and encouragement. Instead of pressuring their son or daughter, they should praise the effort and progress at each turn and be careful not to solely focus on the outcomes or the wins. 'It plants good seeds for self-esteem in that we have a sense of confidence in things that we're good at,' Lehnert said. 'We have a sense of contribution, and we have a sense of belonging. Being on a sports team provides those things in spades, especially if it's coming from a good, supportive place from the parent as opposed to the pressure." 'It's also important to keep the focus on allowing it to continue to be fun. If they're not enjoying it anymore, they're going to quit at some point, or they're not going to excel.' This article originally appeared on Arizona Republic: There is a right and wrong way to raise a young, inspiring athlete
News.com.au
04-06-2025
- Entertainment
- News.com.au
Mary Fowler reveals family plans with Nathan Cleary as she declares her only dream is to ‘be a mum'
Matildas forward Mary Fowler has revealed she and Nathan Cleary plan on having several children, adopting and living on a farm when their respective sporting careers draw to an end. The 22-year-old is currently signed to English giant Manchester City, where in two short years she has established herself as one of the stars of the team. But after picking up an ACL injury in April, Fowler has been sidelined, giving her an abundance of time to think long and hard about what her future after football may hold. In that time she has come to the conclusion she wants kids and lots of them, and says she is excited by the prospect of eventually moving back to Australia to start a family with the Panthers superstar. The couple first went public with their relationship in January, 2024. 'I really want to have a big family,' Fowler told the Keegan and Company podcast. 'The only dream I have at the moment is to be a mum and have heaps of kids and be in a space where they can play outside a lot. 'We can do the gardening and feed the animals together and be able to run wild in the place; be in the mud.' Mary, who hails from Cairns and is one of five siblings herself – Caoimhin, Seamus, Ciara and Louise – said she is after a similarly large family herself. 'I would love to have two or three kids of my own and then adopt,' she revealed. You can watch Mary Fowler open up about her family plans in the player at the top of the page. 'I don't know how many I would adopt, it's a long process. 'But in an ideal world, I would like to adopt siblings. I would bring all of them into the home. 'The dream would definitely have a lot of outdoor space because I would love to have lots of animals. ' I'm not as bothered about what the house would look like, I just want to have space for a garden set-up to grow my own crops. I really want to have a whole range of animals. It's very random and I'm trying to convince Nath that it would be a good idea. 'I really want to get a cow, some little goats, maybe a pig, some geese and I also really want to get a Great Dane.' However, that dream still appears a while away, with Fowler still having many years of professional football ahead of her if she so desires. And while the 22-year-old admits long distance has been hard on her and Cleary, she ruled out making a move to the A-League to be by his side. 'Long distance sucks – I don't recommend it,' she continued. 'From the get-go with Nathan, it was like 'I'm not going to be playing football in Australia any time soon, if ever'. 'We would really like to be with each other now but it's also kind of nice that we both still focus on our careers, get the most out of them, and then look forward to the time when we are going to be able to be with each other. It helps that we're both busy. 'The hardest part about long distance is when something bad happens and you're not able to be there with the person. 'We both really hate that. The amount of times just having a hug would solve your (problems), but we can't do that. 'We just enjoy having deep conversations. It has just worked for us, having phone calls and quality time on the phone. We have gotten really good at communicating. 'I think we see a lot of positives about being in a long-distance relationship before you transition into being together.' A move to the UK is not out of the question for Cleary, however, with speculation mounting in recent weeks that Cleary may be set to move to the UK at the end of his current Panthers deal to be close to Fowler. Veteran commentator Andrew Voss hinted the 27-year-old may end up being the face of a new franchise if the 'NRL Europe' concept comes into fruition in the near future. 'Nathan has won four premierships, Origin, he's a Test player, World Cup; he has achieved all the things you want to do in a career and I'm saying love might win out here,' Voss said on SEN on Tuesday. 'It's obvious they're in love and how long can that relationship be on the other side of the world when there is a solution?' 'If NRL Europe comes into being and I think it will be announced later in the year with grandiose plans Teams in London and France, they will pick how they want the comp to look. 'I don't know where the money comes from but I think a London marquee signing of Cleary at some stage makes sense. Nathan Cleary ticks a massive box, that gives them the headline they want, they become an A-list couple, I'm talking massive picture here.'
