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ABC News
3 days ago
- Business
- ABC News
How a $10,000 block of land has given me freedom
I always thought that by my mid-20s, I'd have a life like Monica Geller from Friends, living in a cosy apartment in Sydney's bustling CBD. But life had other plans. I suppose that's the beauty of being young and naive; when you're in your early 20s, you believe life will turn out just as you imagine, even when reality suggests otherwise. For me, reality was loud and clear: "You can't afford to rent, and you're not eligible for a large mortgage loan." Nothing highlighted my inability to access the housing market more than my employment status. Despite being among the minority of people with disabilities who were gainfully employed, my earnings were rarely sufficient. I drifted between two worlds: living at home with stability but limited independence, and subletting a room and sacrificing personal space. Attempts to improve my financial situation were often met with silence from potential employers, who seemed to see my disability before they saw my qualifications. Being locked out of the housing market forces you to rethink your options and face an uncomfortable truth: the dream of home ownership might always remain just that, a dream. For me, this was a problem that needed to be solved. Growing up as a first-generation Australian with a disability, thousands of kilometres away from my extended family, I often worried about the lack of support for me beyond my mother and sister. With no inheritance or 'bank of mum and dad' to rely on, securing my future wasn't just a goal, it was a necessity. A TV show called Building Off Grid — about people who have chosen a less travelled path to home ownership — opened my eyes to the freedom I have to choose my own path. I had a light-bulb moment; why not buy 1,000 to 2,000 square metres of land and build a place of my own? I set a maximum budget of $20,000, a figure that made my friends and family think I was bluffing. However, it was an amount that my savings could easily cover and I would be mortgage free. My criteria was simple: the land had to be within five hours of a capital city, surrounded by nature and mountains, classified as residential or agricultural land, and have access to water, electricity, and plumbing. It also needed to be accessible by a public road. Finding a block of land that met all my requirements was easier said than done. Perth was out of the question. The Northern Territory and Queensland felt too remote, and land in New South Wales was either overpriced or had building restrictions that meant it was suitable only for camping. Then in April 2023, I found the perfect block in a small country town called Carrieton, located on Nukunu land in South Australia. Four hours from Adelaide and one hour from Port Augusta, the land cost only $10,000 — well within my budget. As soon as I saw the online listing for the 1000sqm land, I was sold. I decided I didn't need to see it in person and jumped. Once I took the plunge, the actual process of purchasing the block became a daunting experience that I was completely unprepared for. The entire transaction took place online, which made me anxious. I was dealing with people in a different state, meaning different regulations, and for the first time in my life, I was making an adult purchase that would change the trajectory of my life. This was nothing like spending $50 at a restaurant or on a dress to treat myself. I constantly questioned my judgement: Have I lost my mind? What am I doing? Am I being serious, or just hopelessly naive? Is this a scam? That self-doubt lingered, but I pushed forward, driven by the promise of freedom. When my friends and family found out I had purchased the land, they were stunned and I was suddenly flooded with questions like "What are you going to build?" and "How will you make it work?" Their curiosity was both validating and intimidating, underscoring the enormity of what I had committed to. Had I bitten off more than I could chew? Absolutely! Buying land in the middle of nowhere comes with significant challenges, especially when the goal is to live there full-time or turn it into a short-term rental. These are challenges I have yet to work out. Logistics such as building permits, designs, arranging shipments and funds, and accessing basic amenities are all ahead of me. But the benefits of owning something are undeniable; I've created a foundation for myself, a safety net that offers both stability and independence. I've been able to shift my focus from worrying about my future to imagining the possibilities ahead. Owning this land is my declaration of freedom. Am I worried about being isolated? Not at all. Living with a disability and being excluded from society teaches you a tough lesson: if you let isolation define you, you'll always be treading water, barely keeping your head above the surface. It comes down to a choice: keep begging for a seat at the table, or make your own rules. Vanessa Mbeve is a New South Wales-based writer with Cerebral Palsy, passionate about exploring social dynamics and sharing her unique perspectives through her writing, both fictional and non-fictional.
Forbes
5 days ago
- General
- Forbes
3 Phrases To Avoid That Excuse Harmful Parenting — By A Psychologist
You can care for your parents and still prioritize yourself, particularly when they hurt you ... More emotionally or physically. How often do you find yourself retelling an argument with a family member, struggling to make sense of the way they treated you? You decide to open up to someone close in your life because you're overwhelmed with emotions and you need to lighten your mental load. But you also feel guilty right after the conversation. To avoid giving your friend or partner the wrong impression about your family, you try to reduce the impact of your words by adding something like: It's almost as if we are trying to convince ourselves that we should stand by them because they're family. Here are some things we commonly say to cover up our families' wrongdoing even when it hurts us, and how we can reframe our perspective. This phrase might come up in friendly chats or therapy conversations. You start sharing how your family treated you and how hurt you feel, but then you pull back. You feel compelled to soften the blow, to justify their actions by saying how much they mean to you and that you don't want to distance yourself — because they are family. Some of us prioritize loyalty to our family over and above emotional safety and boundaries. It could be because we understand that they took care of us when we were children; when we didn't know how to look after ourselves. But that does not mean all our emotional needs were met when we were kids. As adults, we may carry remnants of our childhood by continuing to find ways, often impractical ones, to find or regain our self-worth. This could be by trying to please others, staying quiet or always helping around to feel safe or valued. These habits are called codependent traits and they help us survive emotionally as children. Growing up with codependent traits does not make us inherently flawed, but if we want to accept ourselves as we are, we also have to come to terms with the fact that our parents may have failed us in some capacity. But exactly how far are we willing to go to prove our loyalty to our blood ties? To explore this question, a 2020 study published in Memory & Cognition created practical moral dilemmas for participants to imagine, so they could check the extent of a family member's loyalty to their kin. Researchers asked participants to imagine witnessing their brother possibly doing something bad, like street battery. They found that family members will often bend facts to favor another family member, even in the face of their wrongdoing. This is a practice called 'coherence shift' where our mind adjusts how we see things to make our beliefs, feelings and decisions line up. Loyalty is a powerful force but it shouldn't be an unquestionable one, here's why: In the long run, constantly justifying the behavior of those who hurt or mistreat us can drain us emotionally. Instead of using the 'but' statement, try to rephrase it with an 'and' statement like 'I can love them and recognize their behavior hurt me.' You can respect and love your family, while also loving yourself. As children, we see our parents as God-like beings who could do no wrong because we lack the mental faculties it takes to understand that our parents are, in fact, fallible. It's only when we grow up that we realize that our parents are not as perfect as we may have made them out to be. Despite our resentment toward them, we try to view them from a place of understanding and empathy, which can, counterintuitively, minimize your family's damaging or controlling behavior. This kind of justification often shows up in areas like academics, marriage or career paths. We say 'They wanted the best for me' to rationalize the pressure we have on us, but it eventually leaves us burnt out and disconnected from our own sense of purpose. 'Filial piety,' or the deep cultural expectation that children must respect, obey and serve their parents, is often seen as a virtue. But when that respect is one-sided, it can blur boundaries. A 2020 study published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence found that children who were expected to submit to and be obedient to their parents, especially ones who did so out of fear rather than love or respect, were more likely to engage in cyber-bullying. This could stem from their inability to stand up to themselves at home, and instead lash out at others to regain a sense of personal control. Some families expect children to take responsibility in maintaining harmony, even if their parents are the ones behaving unreasonably. But clearly, these behaviors can have adverse consequences. This is why you need to change your understanding of what your parents truly want. They may have wanted the best for you, but that may not have led to the best possible outcomes. You can balance out your perspective, by saying: 'Their intentions might have been good, but the impact still caused harm.' There could be many different ways you say this. Perhaps, you say, 'They had a rough childhood' or 'They were just stressed.' Despite the choice of words, what you're ultimately trying to do is switch to an objective stance to possibly circumvent the emotions coming up for you — a classic case of intellectualizing emotions. On one hand, understanding that they did their best at parenting us with the resources they had available is important. But on the other hand, that doesn't mean we have to excuse or accept behavior that was hurtful or damaging. Recognizing their limitations doesn't erase the impact their actions had on us. Research published in Educational Philosophy and Theory suggests that when we learn that the person who hurt us is also suffering, we start to see them not as morally blameworthy, but as someone who needs help. This creates a tension between excusing and exempting abuse. We excuse their behavior when we think the harm was unintentional or based on ignorance. But when we exempt them, we think the person isn't fully responsible due to a deeper condition like severe trauma or mental illness. In this case, we try to shift our mindset from blame to compassion, but that doesn't mean we forget or accept the harm done. We need to remind ourselves that understanding does not require us to tolerate or excuse the harm they've inflicted on us. If the person is currently capable of making choices and understanding right from wrong, they're still responsible for their actions, regardless of the past. Setting boundaries is, therefore, necessary no matter how guilty and regretful we feel. They're still your family, they still may want the best for you and they may have had difficult lives that led them to act in damaging ways due to lapses in judgment. But if they harmed us, especially over and over, that harm is real and it matters. You can feel compassion for their suffering and set boundaries to protect yourself. Understanding where someone comes from is not the same as excusing what they did. You deserve safety and healing, no matter what kind of pain shaped the people who raised you. Did you have to take on the role of a parent as a child? Take this science-backed test to find out: Parentification Scale.
Yahoo
22-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Sarah Michelle Gellar Celebrates Her 'Tribe' for Helping Her Succeed as a Working Mom
Even the rich and famous need an extra hand when raising kids, according to Sarah Michelle Gellar, who is opening up about how much extra help she needs raising her kids as a working mom. The 48-year-old got very candid about how much she relies on her nearest and dearest to step in when she can't be around during a recent appearance, telling People magazine just how grateful she is to have so many people willing to step in and help out. Related: Sarah Michelle Gellar Goes Into Full Mom Mode When Son Takes It a Little Too Far Dancing on the Megatron at Chiefs vs. Chargers Game Gellar chatted with the magazine while attending the Ask2BSure and Lifetime's Pretty Hurts premier, which is where she confessed that she relies pretty heavily on those around her when it comes to her children. "When you're up at 3 in the morning and you're feeling helpless, and there's a tribe of people you can call at 3 in the morning that are also up, and [will] be reminding you you've got this and you can do this," shared before confessing that she often has to miss things because of her job. "My daughter had a huge recital last week. I couldn't be there. I was working in Toronto, and my tribe was sending me videos, even though you weren't supposed to video the show. They all secretly had their videos out," she explained. "They brought extra flowers, and those were the things, especially in our situation, where that tribe really comes in handy because we're not always physically here." And it doesn't sound like things are going to get any less busy for the mother of two anytime soon. Between the news of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer reboot, and Gellar's decision to join a vaccination awareness campaign, the star's plate is pretty full. Thankfully she has a lot of people around her who are willing to step in and help when she can't make it in person. We should all be so lucky! Up Next: Sarah Michelle Gellar Celebrates Her 'Tribe' for Helping Her Succeed as a Working Mom first appeared on WeHaveKids on May 22, 2025
Reuters
20-05-2025
- Sport
- Reuters
Angel Reese grateful for support from WNBA, Sky
May 20 - Chicago Sky forward Angel Reese thanked the WNBA and her team for their support as an investigation into verbal abuse directed at the 23-year-old during Saturday's loss to the Indiana Fever. Reese was praised on Tuesday by head coach Tyler Marsh for her handling of the incident, who said his team will continue to be there for the second-year star. "Obviously it's tough," Reese said. "But I think I have a great support system. I'm loved by so many people and obviously, in the moment it is hard to hear. But my support system is great. "I've gone through so many different things in the past couple of years in my life, but I think just having the support and this love, and being a part of an organization that really supports me and loves me is something I just couldn't imagine not being a part of." The league launched an investigation into conduct after social media users alleged that the ABC/ESPN broadcast of the game at Indianapolis picked up the incident in question. One video showed a male fan -- wearing a red replica Caitlin Clark jersey with matching shorts -- sitting courtside and making high-pitched noises while Reese shot a free throw with 4:38 left in the third quarter. On Sunday, the WNBA released a statement saying that it was "aware of the allegations" and looking into the matter. "There's no place for that in our game, there's no place for that in society," Fever guard Caitlin Clark said Monday. "We certainly want every person that comes into our arena, whether player, whether fan, to have a great experience." Clark added that she did not personally hear any hateful comments from fans. Marsh said the Sky will stand behind Reese while shifting the focus to returning to the court Thursday to face the New York Liberty. "I mean, for her, it's about basketball, so I think that's where her mind is at," Marsh said. "And for us we want to be as locked in as possible to our game plan and what we want to do moving forward into Thursday. I mean, Angel's a winner. Angel's a competitor. And she wants to be there for her teammates and we're certainly there for her as well." --Field Level Media
Irish Times
14-05-2025
- General
- Irish Times
‘I've met someone and would like to explore a relationship with them, but I'm worried about my children'
Question I have three small children and have been separated for two years. My ex-husband is not involved in the children's lives, so childcare is left to me. I have recently met someone who I am interested in exploring a relationship with. Up to now, we have only met for a coffee or cinema trip. I have left the children in the care of close friends on these occasions. This person and I have spoken about moving things to the next stage, but I am concerned about how to approach it in a way that is healthy for my children. Realistically, if things continue to develop, this person will eventually stay in my house and meet my children. I don't have a support system that would allow them to stay with grandparents overnight. I also don't want my children to get hurt if things don't work out as they have already been through a difficult separation. I would be grateful for any advice. READ MORE Answer Firstly, it is wonderful that you are open to loving again after what sounds like a negative experience. It is also tough that you are on your own with all the childcare responsibilities, but this may be reassuring for the children if the breakup has been traumatic – they can now have predictability in their lives. It may be very natural for your children (even when quite small) to want to protect you from further pain or upset. With that in mind, they may be very cautious about you starting a new relationship and could react to your new partner with some degree of trepidation. You can prepare the way for them by being open about the fact that you have met someone you like. Let them know that you would like them to meet the person. You will need to pay close attention to your children's reactions as each of them may need different things at different times. They have lost one parent and for them, the possibility of losing another is a real concern. [ 'I was overheard saying my date wasn't very good-looking. Now he's blocking me' Opens in new window ] [ 'I'm a woman in my early 30s, and I'm exhausted by dating' Opens in new window ] Take this slowly and let the children know that you will involve them in every step. It might be a good idea to spend time with each child separately. This will allow them to bring up their questions or objections in their own way. It may also reassure them to know that you are making time for each of them as well as for your potential partner. It would be good to organise fun things to do initially, outside the home and in a place where there is plenty of distraction. You should not set about trying to fix everyone's worries, Instead, allow these concerns to be expressed and be patient with this process as there are a number of people's needs to be taken into account. Organising meals where your potential partner is invited over can be fun for the children, especially if you involve them in the cooking, choosing of music and other related areas. Ultimately, you are probably hoping that the person you are seeing develops their own individual relationship with each child. This does not have to be in the role of caretaker or parent, but rather as a friend and caring adult. Don't be afraid to avail of this service if you find that your situation is proving too difficult When you are broaching the idea of that person spending the night, you could introduce it as a sleepover similar to what children do on a play date. It would be nice to have some joint play, such as popcorn and a movie, but be clear that you will need time alone. Having a lock on the door and some music playing in your bedroom will help with your fear of the children walking in. All this should be done slowly, with frequent reflections, plan-making and plan-adjusting discussions. Everyone involved will have different expectations around what should be happening and you will be the focus of almost everyone's hopes and desires. It is important that you have time for yourself so that you are not always on alert. Having friends you can debrief with (who won't judge you) can be very helpful. If you are feeling particularly overwhelmed, make sure that your go-to action is to take a break for yourself before making any decisions. There are some wonderful family therapists who can assist with the complexities of this situation. Don't be afraid to avail of this service if you find that your situation is proving too difficult. Sometimes, it is very helpful to hear a professional call things out or to make suggestions. This is also good because it allows you to be a follower rather than someone who is always in charge of everyone and everything. It will also serve your family well to see that you are brave enough, and have moved on significantly, to embrace love again. To send your question to Trish Murphy, fill in the form below, click here or email tellmeaboutit@ .form-group {width:100% !important;}
