4 days ago
‘My wife wants a fixed mortgage. Should she pay for our overspend if rates drop?'
If you have a conundrum that you want answered in a future column, email moralmoney@ All our letters are genuine, but writers are anonymous.
Dear Sam,
My wife and I are arguing about whether we should get a fixed rate or variable rate – we have a joint mortgage and we can't agree.
Should I be able to insist that I am compensated when I am proved right and we end up overpaying our mortgage because she is too scared to track the Bank of England Bank rate?
I believe (and so does every other expert on the subject) that interest rates will fall over the next two years, but my wife would prefer to lock us into a fixed rate for two years, so we know what to budget for. I strongly believe this will end up costing us hundreds of pounds that we could avoid by tracking the headline interest rate as it falls.
Even if it did rise, we can afford our repayments. If she insists, I feel she should have to compensate me for the over payment of interest – that way her over-cautious nature doesn't rob me and she will have consequences for playing it too safe.
– Anonymous
Dear reader,
You're not the first couple to fall out over money and you certainly won't be the last. It's completely understandable to feel frustrated when you believe logic, data and expert opinion are on your side, but your partner doesn't share your outlook.
Financial decisions, especially big ones such as choosing a mortgage, often tap into deep-seated emotions like risk tolerance, fear of the unknown, a need for control. No economic forecast can completely override those very human instincts.
You clearly feel confident about the future of interest rates and your ability to weather short-term fluctuations. Your wife, on the other hand, prioritises predictability and peace of mind.
Neither position is inherently wrong, just different. What's becoming dangerous is the idea that one of you must 'win', and that the 'loser' should pay a price for their view.
My personal interest in how men and women often think and behave differently around finance leads me to mention the gendered dimension here. This is a typical husband/wife dynamic you are displaying, and taking a moment to acknowledge that and respect the 'why' of your gendered positions may be useful.
In general, women tend to value security and predictability in financial decisions, especially where household stability is concerned. Men, on the other hand, are often more comfortable with calculated risk and can lean toward competitiveness – wanting to be proven right, to optimise every opportunity, or to beat the system.
These traits aren't universal, but they do reflect broad tendencies that might help explain the emotional weight behind each of your positions.
Marriage is not a zero-sum game and framing your disagreement in terms of compensation risks damaging the emotional partnership that sits behind the financial one.
You're not business partners striking a deal. You are life partners navigating uncertainty.
If your wife chose a fixed rate and interest rates did fall, she'd already carry the emotional burden of seeing that her cautious approach came at a financial cost. Adding financial penalties would turn a shared decision into a battleground of blame.
Instead, I encourage you to take a step back and reconsider the purpose of the conversation. Is it about being right, or is it about feeling safe and secure as a couple?
You say you can afford repayments even if rates rise, which suggests your argument isn't about financial survival, but about principle. That's valid, but it's also an invitation to find common ground, not a chance to 'win'.
You could propose a compromise product: some lenders offer 'tracker with a cap' deals, which follow the base rate but protect against extreme rises. Alternatively, you could consider splitting the mortgage into two parts (some lenders allow this) where one part is fixed and the other tracks.
This way you each have a stake in the outcome and no one is left feeling overridden. Even if that's not possible with your lender, the exercise of seeking middle ground may be more valuable than the marginal gain of saving a few hundred pounds.
What's really at play here is fear, not just fear of rising interest rates, but fear of being dismissed or not heard in the relationship.
You're both trying to protect your future just through different means. So rather than seeking compensation, seek understanding.
Ask your wife what she needs to feel secure. Share what you need to feel respected and listened to. And remember, it's often the conversations behind financial choices, not the choices themselves, that shape the long-term health of a relationship.
In the end, if you can come to an agreement that reflects both your risk profile and her desire for certainty, you'll not only save yourselves some money – you'll save yourselves a lot of emotional interest too.
Good luck,
– Sam
