16-05-2025
‘Sex With Emily' Host Reveals What's Ruining Your Sex Life
It's been a long time coming for sex to be considered part of 'wellness,' especially for women. Long-time sexpert and 'Sex with Emily' podcast host Emily Morse recently reflected on 20 years of working to reshape how people think about sex and bringing whole-life sexual wellness to the forefront.
In a discussion with TV host and entrepreneur JJ Ramberg at the Flow Space Women's Health Summit LA held at Penske Headquarters in Los Angeles, Morse emphasized sexuality as wellness, which involves a mentally healthy relationship with yourself, as well as healthy communication with partners.
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Part of this is working through what she calls 'pleasure thieves.'
So what exactly are pleasure thieves? Morse explained: 'If we are not feeling sexually well in our bodies and healthy, if we have stress, trauma or shame—I call those the pleasure thieves—the things keeping us from actually feeling good in our bodies.'
She went on to say that 'pleasure thieves' can have a trickle-down effect.
'It's going to impact every other area of our life, no matter if we're taking hormones, or how much protein we're eating or fiber, or pills or all the things.' Shame around sex is one of the major 'pleasure thieves,' Morse said. 'If we still have some internalized shame, which many of us do around sex, if we're not communicating with our partners in a healthy way… that's why sex is wellness, and it impacts every other area of our life.'
Pleasure thieves also contribute to a gap in information and therefore knowledge around sex.
'Sex has been shrouded in mystery for so long because those damn pleasure thieves—stress, trauma and shame—have kept us from really paying attention to it,' Morse explained.
And that's part of the reason why people don't explore what sex and pleasure could be for them. Thinking about your sex life as part of your overall health gets put on the back burner, until you have more time, or until the kids have left the house, or once the 'honeymoon phase' of a relationship wraps up.
'But over time, when that fades, and it will, most people are going to struggle at some point with their sex lives. We're not sure what to do,' Morse said. Midlife is not too late to reinvigorate the conversation around asking for what you want sexually, she added. 'We never really even knew what was on the menu.'
One of Morse's biggest points of emphasis is that sex doesn't just mean penetration. It's not about checking a box of 'how many times per week' it should happen. 'Really, it's about intimacy and connection,' she said.
It can be a massage to turn you or your partner on before you get into anything sexual or having an in-depth conversation about what actually feels good to you. Morse also encourages the use of toys and exploring solo sex, because it's not just about sex with a partner.
Getting comfortable with these practices are all steps toward shedding the shame, the main pleasure thief innately associated with sex. For Morse, fighting back against pleasure thieves means 'rewriting that narrative that your body is beautiful as it is and deserving of pleasure, and then leading a life that is more pleasure-focused,' she said. 'My mission is to prioritize pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex.'
