I play alongside my kids now that they're older more than I did when they were toddlers
While I was spending all day with other people's kids, I also had three young kids of my own. As a single mother, after work, I was completely "played out." I couldn't stand the idea of spending even more time sitting on the floor, doing the same repetitive task.
But I knew that quality time and communication were important for my kids' development. Instead of playing with toys, I focused on embodying playfulness. I prioritized meaningful, joyful engagement during everyday tasks.
We spent time together in other ways
When we cooked together or did chores, we got silly and danced. When we went on walks, we talked about everything we saw. We rode the ferry, hiked, and tried new cuisines together. Wherever we went, I made sure to keep my phone in my purse unless I really needed it.
When I truly needed time to myself, I made sure to tell my kids we'd spend time together after I recharged. But I'd do so in a soft, developmentally appropriate way by saying something like, "Let's bake cookies in 20 minutes," and setting a timer. Because this was a normal part of our routine, my kids didn't seem to mind. They often played independently or with each other.
From my training, I knew that the most important part was telling my kids the plan in a way they could understand and sticking to it. This built trust, modeled healthy communication, and set kind boundaries.
Now, my kids are 15, 13, and 10. As they've gotten older, we started scheduling designated fun time together to make sure we don't get lost in the rush of dinner, homework, and extracurriculars. Last month, my 10-year-old wanted to wander around the local plant nursery, where he could smell the herbs and buy a vine for his bedroom window. My 15-year-old and I spent time learning to animate our illustrations together on Procreate Dreams. My 13-year-old and I still love baking unique treats, and we use The Great British Baking Show as inspiration.
I actually like playing with them now that they're older
I've also realized I love "big kid" toys more than I expected. A couple of years ago, we invested in board games for our family Christmas present, and last year, we had a blast playing our first video game together. I love finding new ways to goof off together, and we try to play games together twice a month as a family.
My favorite part of the year with my kids is Thanksgiving, when we travel to a rural cabin. Half the trunk is filled with new board games, rackets, DIY obstacle courses, and craft materials. The best part is that all three of my kids often teach me how to play, and as I learn their games, I learn more about how they think.
My son recently guided me through Roblox, and even though I called on my vintage Nintendo skills when we found Kirby's Return to Dreamland, I still had a lot to learn. As he explained strategies in both games, I could tell he cared about both of us having a good time. He often came to rescue me in Kirby when I couldn't figure out how to get out of a maze or beat a villain. When I truly couldn't understand the point of Roblox after several sessions, my son said, "Figuring it out together is the whole awesome point!"
And he was right. My relationship with my kids has grown and changed over the years. For us, joyful connection is all about discovery and finding ways to make ordinary moments extraordinary.
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