'What Jeremy Corbyn's new party means for Keir Starmer'
So you take over the stereo and slap on some mainstream rock. Pop open the Pringles, flourish some red meat, tell everyone "let's make this a REAL party!" People start wandering back. They're maybe not quite convinced - some bloke called Nigel has a pub lock-in down the road, and the sound of Quo is thumping through the shrubbery - but they'll give it a whirl, for now.
So you head to the kitchen, where you realise the place is a mess and you should have planned ahead to bring gloves and matches. Rachel can't locate the powerhouse, Wes has his head in the oven and Angela is complaining bitterly, having just realised the shopping bag contains vegetarian sausages and some special offer mayonnaise.
You pop your head round the door to see how it's going, and someone's put Morrissey on. The sofas are filled with row-energy resentment, and someone asks you for a minicab number. From the front door comes the sound of laughter, and when you push through the guests you see Jezza having a screaming row with Zarah in the front garden. It spills down the street, and half the party follows just to see what happens next.
This is where Keir Starmer now finds himself - leader of a party few people were that convinced by, drained of oomph, wondering why no-one wants his non-alcoholic, not-much-punch. Other parties are starting up left, right, and further right, with irresponsible offerings, nerve-shattering sound levels, and 100% more vibrancy.
There is only one thing that works in this situation. And what Keir needs to do for the Labour Party is the same thing Jeremy Corbyn did just by talking about having a new party: make things more interesting.
Were the metaphor to extend this far down the page, it would have to involve a current affairs equivalent of putting on Primal Scream and breaking out the vodka. Instead, we've got wall-to-wall cuts, u-turns, a narrative of failure, gloom and irreversible decline. It's like watching Milli Vanilli when their CD got stuck.
Keir got rid of Jeremy once, and it did make his party more attractive to the mainstream voter. But that was 5 years ago, when people were desperate to be done with the hurly-burly of Boris and Brexit. A professional capable of combing his hair was always going to be the last man standing, but he was never going to be the best person to hold the attention of a public attuned to clickbait and chaos.
Enter Nigel, stage right, and Jeremy, stage left. Both of them formed from splinters of mainstream parties that the voter fell out of love with, both occupying a radical niche, and both capable of causing division quicker than the Large Hadron Collider. Nigel of course is popular and on course to be PM, if you believe Nigel and forget that no-one's questioned him properly yet. Jeremy is a tried-and-tested failure at the ballot box, but that's not to say his time won't come: when the centrists fail, the extremes arise.
Nigel's outfit is tainted by a near-total lack of fact-checking, both in who it recruits and what it says. Jeremy's managed the amazing feat of splintering his split, with his cohort Zarah Sultana announcing it before there was a name, and reportedly before Jeremy was ready. Nigel always argues with comrades and flounces out. Corbyn always ignores what he doesn't like. None of it matters: both men are magnets to the mentally ill, and these days, just about everybody is.
If Keir wants to know what's next, he could do no better than gaze across the Despatch Box to Kemi Badenoch, where a desultory leader is detached from reality and apparently unfazed by the growing threat to her flank. Wannabes are turning into social media vigilantes in the vacuum of her total lack of energy, ideas, or approachability.
The same will happen to Keir if he doesn't buck up. Angela will arm, Wes will weaponise, and Rachel will become his Kwasi Kwarteng, the failed Chancellor desperately trying to pour some common sense in his ear.
But the only thing that will work is the political equal of proper music, and proper food - a wealth tax, a National Care Service, a pandemic plan, a Hillsborough Law to end national scandals, chunky electric vehicle subsidies, solar panels for every roof paid for by the National Grid, employer incentives to get the disabled into work and, for the love of Pete, some NHS parity for mental health services because if you're not depressed yet, then you've not been paying attention.
Radical policies, wealth redistribution, a super-rich level of inheritance tax, a Robin Hood tax and a few of the things the Left have wanged on about for years but which the mainstream will happily swallow will see off the threat of Corbyn, and move Labour narrative onto firmer ground. It is doubtful, though, whether someone who has tacked so far to the right on immigration, crime and the economy is capable of tacking the other way. And could his job withstand what would inevitably be packaged, by Nigel and Jeremy, as a capitulation to the loonies?
There's risk on all sides. All that's keeping Starmer in post is that his party is disappointed, rather than angry, and that could change at conference in autumn. He needs to realise people are thirsty for something he's not giving them, and then he has to decide whether he will deliver it.
My bet? History shows he goes with the flow. A vegetarian who's prepared to dish up raw steak, a manager quite able to cause dysfunction, an apolitical politician leading a party of idealists while not having any ideas. I suspect it'll be left a bit, right a bit, left a bit more, before someone finally takes pity and gets him a cab home.
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
The National
30 minutes ago
- The National
We must protect what is at heart of Scottish NHS
It's really not just a debate about changing rooms, a notion in itself that has been suitably blown out of proportion in harmony with online anti-trans hysteria. It's frankly about the morals and values we allow to occupy the corridors of our fundamental institutions. I come from a big NHS family of nurses and I myself have worked in the NHS, I know the responsibility involved in the job. To care for people, from all different backgrounds and walks of life, at their most vulnerable times. The underpinning argument in this case, and the horrific slurs we have this week seen as forming part of the story, are a betrayal of that responsibility. I can't believe we're at a point in this discourse where it's even considered mildly controversial to say that. It's not. The anti-trans brigade have so much to answer for. To start with, a point the rational have made repeatedly but that will no doubt continue to fall on deliberately covered ears, trans women have had access to women's spaces since the Equality Act of 2010. It is not new, and it was not inviting of this much hysteria back then, nor was it for a good 10 years after it came to be. We're only seeing cases like this emerge now because views like these have been emboldened by anti-trans narratives that are direct cut-and-copy material from the days of section 28 – a time that we now reflect on with suitable shame, as we will this 'debate' in years to come. READ MORE: John Curtice weighs in on Corbyn-Sultana party threat to Keir Starmer's seat In fact, for more than 15 years, trans inclusion in single-sex spaces has been standard practice. Inclusive of hospital wards, changing rooms, toilets – the very spaces now thrust into the political hot seat. Inclusion reframed as a threat, in the most part to bolster right-wing politicians desperate for an opportunity to roll back the hard-won rights of minorities and, ironically, women. Politicians who have gleefully aided the manufacturing of what can only be described as a moral panic that seeks to scapegoat a vulnerable minority, so that they can hide from responsibility themselves. In the past decade, times have been tumultuous for the entire world. We've seen war in Europe, genocide in Palestine, a global pandemic and closer to home a crippling cost of living crisis and a disastrous Brexit process that has left everyone miserable and angry. A perfect storm for opportunists to save the day with a scapegoat, if a little unimaginative. Don't just take my word for it, it's plain for anyone to see from history. A tale as old as time. Instability breeds hatred because it feeds on the anger of everyday people who have every reason to be angry. It offers people who are struggling and afraid a place to channel that frustration, especially when there seems to be very little light at the end of the tunnel, which is exactly how Britain has felt for quite some time now. Whether it's immigrants being blamed for job shortages, refugees accused of burdening the public purse, or now trans people 'infiltrating' women's spaces to cause us harm, there's always someone for a certain political class to punch down on. It is a deliberate deflection from reality every single time. A cynical effort to divide at a time when society is vulnerable to that division. It's a grim pattern, but it is a familiar one and it is all of our shame that this particular instance has been allowed to fester to the extent that it has. It's contextually important to understand that cases like this one in NHS Fife are not disputes unfolding in isolation. Instead, they are part of a much larger and co-ordinated attempt to undermine long-standing protections for trans people. Which is the result of a rise in hatred – at a time of deep instability when minority rights serve as a wedge issue for the politically opportune. Are we getting it yet? These cynical dynamics don't stop at the doors of our hospitals or other public institutions – they seep into them. And in this case, its main achievement has been the erosion of trust in a service that is crucial to the Scotland we pride ourselves on being. NHS Scotland's core values are care and compassion, dignity and respect, openness, honesty and responsibility, and quality and teamwork. Everyone working for the NHS in any capacity knows that, they are the central point of everything [[NHS Scotland]] seeks to achieve and they make sure that you know it. They are not and cannot be kooky aspirational slogans, they are central to its duty as a public service. A service that is entrusted with often the darkest hours of a person's life. It is not controversial to say that those delivering care within that system must be held to the highest standard of those values both personally and professionally. Precisely nothing about this case is encompassing of what those values set out. If these narratives go unchallenged or worse even – celebrated – then the very foundations of our NHS and the concept of public healthcare in Scotland will erode. A concept, might I add, that Scotland has a world-renowned reputation for, something we have managed to preserve against the global tide for a long time. A reputation to be incredibly proud of and that we should seek to protect. (Image: Getty) What happens in this case matters far beyond the consequences for NHS Fife. It sets a precedent for how malleable our public institutions are to politically manufactured hatred. For whose dignity and respect can and will be deemed negotiable in these spaces. I'd argue that the NHS is not just our healthcare provider, it's the central hub of our public service and it should operate as a reflection of our collective values as a country. If those values mean anything at all, then now is the time to defend those they were designed to protect. Equality and compassion are not optional extras or appeasing soundbites, they are the bedrock of decent care and by extension, a decent society.
The National
30 minutes ago
- The National
New generation 'must have their say' on Scottish independence, SNP say
The party's call for a 'long overdue' vote on Scottish independence comes after [[SNP]] leader John Swinney unveiled plans to immediately establish a constitutional convention to 'marshal support' for the cause. The [[SNP]] leader will ask party members to support the move in a motion put forward at the upcoming conference in Aberdeen in October. Swinney has also urged voters to deliver an SNP majority in Holyrood in a bid to secure a second independence referendum, as he argued that the only time a referendum had been secured was after the SNP's historic majority win in 2011, when the party returned 69 MSPs. READ MORE: John Curtice weighs in on Corbyn-Sultana party threat to Keir Starmer's seat SNP MSP Mairi McAllan said that a new generation of Scots should be allowed to have their say on Scotland's future, as she said that at the next parliamentary term, there will be one million more people eligible to vote than in 2014. McAllan, MSP for Clydesdale and Cabinet Secretary for Housing, said she remembers her optimism in the lead up to the referendum in 2014. (Image: Andrew Milligan/PA Wire) She said: 'Independence is the fresh start that Scotland needs. It is the only change that will work for Scotland – and key to delivering a better future. 'The 2014 independence referendum was an energised and hopeful campaign with young people at its heart.' In April, polling by YouGov estimated 59% of 16 to 24-year-olds would vote Yes in the event of a referendum. McAllan argued that the reason why Scottish independence is so popular amongst young people is that they know a better future is possible. 'I remember how empowered and optimistic I felt – something that is sadly a rarity for Scotland's next generation,' she said. "Our young people have borne the brunt of Covid, Brexit and a Westminster cost of living crisis that have made costs grow higher, opportunities made fewer and challenges greater. 'There's a reason that independence sees such strong support among younger people – they know that a better future is possible and they want their voices to be heard. 'Westminster governments have always ignored Scotland – our young people most of all, but by 2030 one million Scots who did not have their say in 2014 will be eligible to vote. 'A generation has now passed, and it's time Scotland's young people are able to determine their own future. Only a vote for the SNP in 2026 will make that possible.' McAllan's calls come after it was revealed last month that support for [[Scottish independence]] would rise even further if Reform UK's leader, Nigel Farage, were to become the next prime minister A Norstat survey for The Sunday Times in June suggested that the rise of Reform UK and the failings of the Labour Government have helped to increase support for Scottish independence, which sits at 54%. The poll also showed that if Farage were to enter Downing Street and become prime minister, support for Scottish independence would be at 58%. The data suggested that with Farage leading the UK, it would leave independence campaigners within touching distance of 60% support, which many believe would represent a tipping point, making a refusal to grant a second independence referendum unsustainable.
The National
30 minutes ago
- The National
4 Scottish Green leadership candidates set out their campaign pitches
Here, Dominic Ashmole, Ross Greer, Lorna Slater and Gillian Mackay set out their campaign pitches. We are living through the collapse of climate, nature, and the foundations of society. My candidacy challenges the [[Scottish Greens]] to speak more plainly about the dangerous times ahead, and to demand emergency-scale action — at Holyrood and across civic life. The party has the rare advantage of two co-leaders. Let's use that well. While my colleague leads in Parliament, I would focus on the wider movement — working with the public, civic society, and our excellent Green councillors to accelerate and scale up the change we so urgently need. We have a problem with hope. Everyone craves it — and voters demand it. But 'hope' has also become a smokescreen for delay. A marketing strategy used by the powerful to deny the scale of the emergency, sell imaginary solutions, and protect their control. We must learn to spot the difference between genuine hope and 'hopium'. READ MORE: Scottish Labour silent on support for Sandie Peggie after racist jokes 2.5°C of heating is now likely by 2040. Four degrees before 2100 is increasingly probable. Scientists warn we'll soon cross multiple "tipping points" that endanger continued life on Earth. The suffering ahead is unimaginable. Food and water systems will fail. Billions of people — and other species — face unliveable futures. If the Greens — as scientific and social realists — cannot call out this disaster, then who will? What's our role, beyond modest policy gains, if not to demand a proportionate and credible response? We're rightly proud of Green successes, both national and local. But the brutal truth is: the crisis demands more — and faster. Rather than selling hope, we should be sounding the alarm and mobilising society for resilience, adaptation, and transformation. Let's lead a grassroots emergency response. Let's empower a politics equal to this moment. Let's prepare for the worst, strive for the best — and protect what we love. Ross Greer MSP One legacy of the 2014 Yes campaign was the sense of hope that Scotland could be a fairer, greener country. Our movement convinced people of this country's potential. That hope faded fast in recent years though. Brexit, Trump, Tory governments and a Labour government which acts like a Tory government have drained the hope from our politics. The Scottish Greens can bring that hope back. But to do that, we must become a far more effective campaigning movement. That's why I'm standing to be our co-leader. As a campaigner, organiser and MSP, I have consistently delivered meaningful change for the Scottish Greens and for the people of Scotland. Working with anti-poverty campaigners, I expanded free school meals to more young people and cancelled millions of pounds in school meal debt. I co-ordinated our record-breaking 2021 election campaign. And I've fought alongside the people of Balloch to protect our natural heritage at Loch Lomond from the corporate greed of Flamingo Land. We have the radical ideas that Scotland needs. But to strengthen our party and movement, we must improve how we organise. Climate justice requires social and economic justice. That means being brave enough to confront the super-rich, the big polluters and Westminster. I want to bring my track record of fighting winning campaigns to the co-leader role and help elect record numbers of Green MSPs and councillors in 2026 and 2027. Our party needs a clear strategy. A focus on tackling the climate and cost-of-living emergencies means easily explained proposals like expanding free bus travel and stronger rent controls. Clearer messaging and simpler party structures will make it easier for members to campaign for these policies. Scottish Greens are at our best when we're delivering the transformational change that people and planet desperately need. That will be my top priority." Gillian Mackay MSP At a time when politics is dominated by ego and inaction, we need bold, progressive leadership, especially from women with strong voices. From Safe Access Zones, to pushing for a ban on disposable vapes, securing free to air football and helping to re-instate school buses in North Lanarkshire, I've consistently delivered on causes I champion, securing real change. Growing up in Grangemouth and living in Falkirk, I understand the challenges facing working people. I believe that my voice will resonate with people who live and work not only in our cities, but in post-industrial, rural and industrial towns the length and breadth of Scotland. As a disabled woman and new mum, I know first-hand the struggles families face. That's why I'll champion a four-day week, better parental pay, and universal basic income, policies that will transform lives. I'm proud to stand with marginalised communities and will always be an ally for those underrepresented in politics. As Greens, we must lead with courage, with our members at the heart of our movement. We are the only party willing act and tackle the root causes of inequality and injustice. It's time for fresh leadership. Lorna Slater MSP The next co-leaders of our party will be debating the future of Scotland in televised debates with parties of the far-right. As the only remaining women leader of a Scottish political party, I want to be on that platform, confidently and clearly taking on these men and their harmful ideas. I can reframe the debate from being about hate, to being about hope for a genuinely better future, in an independent Scotland. I am re-standing for the role of co-leader to bring my years of experience of countering the anti-immigrant, anti-trans and climate denial, to the debates ahead of the 2026 and 2027 elections, and support the Scottish Greens to win the largest numbers of MSPs and Councillors ever. It has been my privilege to represent the [[Scottish Greens]] in our Parliament since 2021. As one of the first Green government ministers in the UK, I delivered a national upgrade to recycling infrastructure, and the transformative Nature Restoration Fund. It was my work in government that ensured that every organisation in receipt of Scottish Government grants, has to pay the living wage, increasing the wages of thousands of workers. My experience as a minister makes me especially effective, because I know exactly how to press ministers on their decisions and to follow up when the Government drops a commitment. In the next term of parliament I intend to press the [[Scottish Government]] to action on cost of living, housing, climate and LGBT+ issues. I will continue work to reform council tax and give councils more powers, including those to raise funds. The Scottish Greens are in transition from being a small, yet effective party, to being a major force in Scottish politics. We can build on our successes and build the Scotland that we want to see.
