‘His love letter was riddled with spelling mistakes': Your biggest ‘icks'

Telegraph

28-02-2025

My friends and I have been compiling 'ick' lists for years. High up on mine: ordering vanilla ice cream or tomato pasta, having a green driver's licence, black bedsheets and – perhaps the ultimate deal-breaker – holding your nose when you jump in the pool.
For Telegraph readers, their lists include Sir Keir Starmer, bad table manners and incorrect use of language.
Reader Vicki Lester puts it bluntly: 'If I wrote up all the first dates where something totally horrified me and I bolted, it would be as big as the Encyclopaedia Britannica.'
As Suzy Walker described on Thursday, the term 'ick' has been around for decades – first cropping up in Ally McBeal and Sex and the City, before Love Island contestants popularised it in 2017. It describes that sudden, unshakeable wave of revulsion towards a romantic interest, often triggered by something seemingly trivial.
Now, science has caught up. New research from Azusa Pacific University in California suggests that having an ick isn't just about picky dating habits; it's an evolutionary tool. The study describes it as a 'rapid rejection mechanism' – our brain's way of instinctively weeding out unsuitable partners before things get serious.
However, for Telegraph readers, none of this is new – they have been experiencing icks since at least the 1980s.
From fashion faux pas to unforgivable dining habits, here are some of the exact moments you knew you could never see someone again.
'A love letter riddled with spelling mistakes'
For many Telegraph readers, linguistic slip-ups aren't just minor annoyances – they send them running for the hills.
Yvonne Twiss sets the tone: 'Urgh, bad grammar. If a man doesn't know the difference between 'they're', 'their' and 'there', it's an instant swipe left [rejection].'
Aunty Vee has a full list of linguistic pet peeves: 'Anyone who says 'me and…', people who punctuate everything with 'like', those who answer a question by starting with 'So…', and anyone who calls people 'bro, bruh, dude'. All absolutely out of the question.'
P Sutherland shares a family anecdote: 'My late mother once ditched a boyfriend after he sent her a love letter riddled with spelling mistakes. This was nearly 80 years ago.'
Euphemisms are an absolute no-no for one anonymous reader: 'Using 'passed' instead of 'died'. Sorry, but it's 'died' or 'passed away' – nothing in between.'
But for Ralph Davidson, it's inauthentic accents: 'Middle-class people who drop their Ts to sound 'street'.'
Reader Michael Gates recalls hearing an unforgettable ick while at the pub: 'A friend of a friend met a chap at a disco while on holiday and took him back to her hotel. He couldn't find the 'Do not disturb' sign, so he wrote one himself: ' Do not disterb '. She promptly threw him out.'
Emma Dixon can't stand vocal quirks: 'Anyone who speaks in ' upspeak ', where every sentence sounds like a question, makes me want to rip off my ears. I'm not an imbecile – I can understand you without the unnecessary inflection.'
Meanwhile, Mr P has had enough of email small talk: ''I hope this email finds you well.' Well, as long as they've typed my address correctly, it won't have gone astray… or do they mean I need to be in good health to read the rest of it? Frankly, I feel I should charge an extra on my hourly rate for reading such nonsense.'
'I asked him if his parents hadn't taught him how to eat'
For some, poor table manners – particularly a lack of cutlery training or eating with one's mouth open – are bigger red flags than a criminal record.
Tracy Campbell doesn't mince her words: 'My personal off switch kicks in when people can't use a knife and fork properly. Cutting up food and then eating with a fork only? Appalling.'
Robert Lee is equally unimpressed: 'Why do people think it's acceptable to hold a cutlery knife like a pencil?'
Moirelyn Turner still shudders at the memory of one particularly chaotic diner: 'A boyfriend once shovelled food into his mouth with such force, I half expected it to come out the back of his head.
'To make matters worse, he spun his fork in a full circle before doing so – like some kind of cutlery gymnastics. He seemed amazed when I asked him if his parents hadn't taught him how to eat.'
Reader Chris Bowen Jones had an equally horrifying experience recently: 'When a woman came to lunch the other day, she stabbed her meat with her fork and cut it with her knife, put the greasy knife down on the table, transferred her fork to her right hand and put the contents into her mouth.
'This was repeated continuously until her plate was empty. I didn't say a word, but if looks could kill, she won't be setting foot in my house again.'
For Simon Horton, a lack of dining sophistication is unforgivable: 'Not knowing the difference between a demitasse spoon and a teaspoon.'
However, for Sarah Kramer the ultimate sin is: 'When you cook someone a meal and they start eating before you've even sat down.'
Few things kill the mood faster than a fussy eater – something Stuart Drummond learnt the hard way on a disastrous pub date: 'She decided there was absolutely nothing on the menu she could eat because it wouldn't be cooked exactly how her mother made it. I can't remember if she went entirely without or forced herself to eat a bag of crisps.
'Needless to say, I had a full steak-and-chips dinner. I never saw or spoke to her again after I dropped her home. Presumably, her mother has died now, and she's starved to death.'
'She walked with duck feet'
However, for some readers, an ick isn't about a single habit or trait; it's simply who that person is.
Robert Ireland has had it with oversized coffee cups: 'When she cradles her favourite mug in both hands, buries her face in it, and acts like a cute five-year-old warming up after a snowstorm. Grow up. Hold the handle with one hand and drink like an adult.'
Lester Burnham's deal-breaker was all in the walk: 'Started chatting to a beautiful girl at a bar and all was going well until she went to the loo and I saw she walked with duck feet. Taxi for Lester.'
Jo Walton has learnt to look away after nearly three decades of marriage: 'My husband does something that gives me the ick, but he's only started doing it relatively recently. After nearly 30 years, I just turn away when he uses his middle finger to type on his phone.'
For Dee Bee, tattoos are an immediate turn-off: 'For things to even get as far as a first date, she'd have to pass the tattoo test. In other words – none. I can't understand why some women who are blessed with breathtaking natural beauty would want to vandalise themselves so.
'Obviously, this is purely a personal opinion, but permanent graffiti – even a teeny tiny one – on smooth and flawless skin would have me going straight for the eject handle.'
Tom Morgan's sister had no appetite for her date's fashion faux pas: 'My sister lives in Virginia and was once taken on a date to a restaurant for New Year's Eve where every man, without exception, sported a baseball cap at the table. She felt unwell and left.'
Tannith Rayment has an ever-growing list of icks: 'People who can only drive automatic – it just stinks of low goals and lack of faith in their own intelligence. Anyone not wearing socks with shoes, unless they are sandals.
'An ex failed to do this, and his trainers stank so badly we had to leave them in the porch. I can't contain the horror. Men with long, yellowed nails give me serial killer vibes. And anyone taking a 'comfort break' – it's such an irritating affectation.'
For Emma Weisblatt's mother, one small moment was enough to end a relationship: 'I remember my mum telling me about the boyfriend she had before she met my dad. She had intended to marry him, but one evening he bent over to pick up something she had dropped, and something about his body posture instantly revolted her. And that was that.'
Jo Random couldn't overlook one major hygiene issue: 'It was goodbye from me when the man I was dating left his sweaty running top out to dry (without washing it) so he could wear it the next day.'
For Pip Macaulay, a long-time crush turned into instant regret: 'It was the mid-1980s. I'd had the hots for this young man all through sixth form, admiring him from a distance and blushing furiously every time he caught my eye. Finally, he asked me out on a date and arrived at my home in his cousin's green Ford Capri – wearing a stupid pork-pie hat. Ick.'