Love in a time of Wi-Fi: How couples cultivate connection online

Daily Maverick

2 days ago

For most, WhatsApp was the go-to. It was the easiest, most intimate platform — rich with voice notes, real-time messaging, and video calls. But the communication wasn't just about logistics or surface-level check-ins.
We've all heard the horror stories: WhatsApp blow-ups, Instagram posts that notch up the jealousy factor, and an emoji that accidentally ruined a perfectly good weekend.
Social media doesn't always have the best rep when it comes to relationships.
But maybe that's not the full story.
That's what Lauren Maytham, a newly qualified clinical psychologist, set out to explore in her Master's thesis at Nelson Mandela University.
Maytham's research, completed at the end of last year under the supervision of cyber-relationships expert Dr Tania Lambert, focused on how South African young adults use social media to maintain intimacy and passion in committed romantic relationships.
'I wanted to find out how young people were staying emotionally close in an era in which we're often physically apart,' said Maytham. 'And I wanted to focus on relationships that already existed — not dating apps or how people meet, but how they stay connected.'
The real work of staying close
The study interviewed eight young adults — aged 22 to 29 — who were in stable, exclusive relationships. They weren't living together, weren't married, and spent regular time apart. These were the kind of relationships where future plans were being made, but daily routines were still separate.
The question Maytham posed was simple: How do you keep romance alive on social media?
For most, WhatsApp was the go-to. It was the easiest, most intimate platform — thanks to the voice notes, real-time messaging, and video calls. But the communication wasn't just about surface-level check-ins.
'Participants talked about small gestures that made them feel emotionally close,' Maytham said. 'Even something like a partner asking 'How's your day going?' helped them feel seen and secure.'
In several cases, couples created entire digital rituals to bridge the gap. Virtual date nights. Shared streaming. Midweek memes sent just to make each other laugh.
'One participant described how watching a movie together over the phone, with pauses to laugh or comment, created a shared moment that felt especially meaningful,' said Maytham.
Intimacy, passion — and a love app called LoveWick
While many past studies have focused on the risks of oversharing or online infidelity, Maytham's participants revealed a quiet creativity to their digital intimacy.
One of the discoveries that interested her most involved an app called LoveWick — designed to help couples log important dates, preferences, even favourite snacks or clothing sizes.
'The app has a feature called Forget Me Not,' Maytham said. 'One participant used it to remember what flowers his girlfriend liked and would order them when she wasn't feeling well. It was one of the most emotionally thoughtful uses of tech I came across.'
Passion, too, wasn't absent — it was just reimagined. Some participants were open about sending flirtatious photos, texts, or wearing a partner's favourite outfit in shared content. Others preferred more private exchanges. Boundaries mattered, and couples navigated them with care.
And then there was TikTok. One participant described how she and her partner shared cheeky TikToks and relationship memes as inside jokes. Another said the TikTok algorithm kept serving up videos that mirrored their relationship quirks — and bonding over those little moments became a daily ritual.
'There was a wide range of what people felt comfortable with,' said Maytham. 'But the key was mutual understanding — and respecting that one partner might be more private than the other.'
What the men had to say
One of the more surprising themes to emerge said Maytham was how frequently male participants brought up love languages — often unprompted.
'I didn't expect that,' said Maytham. 'They not only recognised their partners' emotional needs, but actively used digital tools to meet them. Whether it was sending encouraging messages or sharing content that spoke to their partner's personality, they were intentional.'
While popular discourse often paints men as emotionally distant in digital spaces, Maytham's findings pushed back against the stereotype.
'They may not have been as verbally expressive as the women, but the care and thought were there.'
Culture, boundaries and public declarations
The study also touched on cultural and personal beliefs that shaped how participants engaged with social media. Two women, both of Indian descent, raised concerns about the evil eye — the belief that too much public sharing of love and happiness can attract jealousy or harm.
'They grew up being told to protect what's sacred,' Maytham explained. 'For them, keeping their romantic lives off the timeline wasn't a lack of affection — it was about preserving something private and safe.'
This sentiment was echoed by others who simply preferred direct messages to public declarations.
'Some felt that real intimacy didn't need to be posted,' said Maytham. 'Others enjoyed sharing light-hearted moments but kept deeper emotional exchanges within private platforms like WhatsApp.'
From TikTok to therapy rooms
Maytham sees a future for this kind of research beyond academia. She believes it has practical relevance for couples therapy — especially when it comes to helping people navigate relationships in an age where escaping social media is virtually impossible.
'Social media can be repetitive, even shallow,' she said. 'But it can also be a powerful tool for emotional connection — if it's used with intention and awareness.' DM