When Alice reported her husband to SA police, they said ‘people fight'. But it was far more than fighting

The Guardian

2 hours ago

Alice* says that when she met the man who would become her husband, she didn't see any of the red flags that eventually led to her being 'physically, emotionally, verbally, financially and systematically abused by him'.
'Whilst pregnant he would shove me into walls, pushed me and backed me into corners yelling in my face,' she wrote.
When she tried to report him to the police, she was told 'people fight'. He was eventually charged with aggravated assault.
Alice's story is one of many that Natasha Stott Despoja says will haunt her. It's one of hundreds submitted to the South Australian royal commission into domestic, sexual and family violence, a commission Stott Despoja describes as being 'born out of unimaginable loss'.
After four women were killed in a single week in South Australia, the state government set up the commission in July last year. It heard 'harrowing' stories from hundreds of victim-survivors.
Stott Despoja, a former senator and ambassador for women and girls and founding chair of Our Watch, was appointed as commissioner.
The royal commission's report, With Courage, was released on Tuesday and runs to almost 700 pages. It includes 136 recommendations, some of which the government has already agreed to, including a dedicated portfolio for domestic violence.
Stott Despoja wrote in the foreword that the commission received more than 380 submissions, held 48 public hearing sessions, more than 170 listening sessions, and consulted with hundreds more people. She wrote that the report was a 'call to action' for SA, which has 'lost its way' on domestic violence.
The recommendations focus on structural reform to create a 'cohesive and effective system'; increasing the awareness and visibility of violence; supporting victim-survivors to get help; programs for people who use violence; longer-term supports for survivors, and a 'strong foundation for prevention'.
Some specific recommendations include a national standard for responsible media reporting, more resources for police, more accommodation, free healthcare for victim-survivors, screening for non-fatal strangulation, and strategies to minimise harm to young people on social media from pornography, the manosphere and incels.
Other recommendations included restrictions on overnight alcohol sales, a 24-hour crisis line, and addressing rape myths and misconceptions.
The commission found many communities are underserved, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people, the LGBTQ+ community, people with disabilities, children, culturally and linguistically diverse people, and men who use violence.
An accompanying report, Voices, lays out victim-survivors' tales of violence and struggles with the system.
Stott Despoja said the stories were 'confronting'.
'They tell the authentic stories of victim-survivors from all genders, backgrounds, beliefs and postcodes,' she wrote.
'While their stories share heartbreak and sadness, many exhibit resilience and strength.'
One said: 'Every time a woman dies at the hands of her partner, a little piece of me dies. This will be my daughter one day as no one will stop him.'
There were tales of sexual abuse being livestreamed, choking, coercive control, and stories of not being heard or believed, and of not being able to leave. People reported abuse by their partners, parents and children. The commission heard of the childhood trauma from an abusive home, of lingering injuries and financial suffering.
There were also male victim-survivors, although the report noted victim-survivors were predominantly women and the overwhelming majority of perpetrators were men.
Premier Peter Malinauskas said the stories made for 'harrowing reading'.
'But this report is also a document filled with hope,' he said.
'It sets out a pathway to improve the way we respond to this scourge, and to prevent it from happening in the first place.'
* Not her real name
In Australia, the national family violence counselling service is on 1800 737 732. Children, young adults, parents and teachers can contact the Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800; adult survivors can seek help at Blue Knot Foundation on 1300 657 380