From "Jokes" To Dismissive Doctors — Women Of All Ages Are Revealing The "Normalized" Misogynistic Behaviors That Creep Into Their Everyday Lives
That's why when Redditor u/shelly_seafunk asked, "What examples of misogyny have crept into your life unnoticed?" Women of all ages took to the comment section to share the "micro-misogyny" they have encountered throughout their lives. From paperwork mixups to car care — here are 19 of their most enlightening stories:
1."I am the primary income earner in my household, and did the majority of the work to buy our house — filled out mortgage applications, figured out homeowners' insurance, found the realtor, served as the point of contact for the builder, completed all of the paperwork paperwork, read all of the warranty stuff, etc."
"Yet, the mortgage company put my husband as the 'primary borrower,' and now everything is addressed to him."
—u/lurktasticallylurky
2."My partner's boss won't let him work from home with our baby because 'men can't multitask.'"
"Implicitly low expectations of men equal higher expectations of women, which means we have to do more."
—u/SJWP
3."That I'm expected to move out of the way when walking towards a man on the street. COVID was the first time I wasn't ducking and diving around the pavement."
—u/Ellf13
"I actually had a moment a few weeks ago that wasn't a huge deal, but it sticks out: A man was walking towards me, and I consciously made the decision to keep walking and either slam into him or make him move. He moved at the last second and actually looked surprised, not annoyed in a mean way, but surprised. It was glorious."
—u/mcdonaldsfrenchfri
4."My husband and I are big baseball fans, especially of our local minor league team, and I'm much more involved than he is. I generally know more about the game and our team's players than he does."
"When he talks baseball, no one questions him, and they give him grace if he mixes things up or simply doesn't know something.
When I talk baseball, I get quizzed on my knowledge constantly! I have to 'prove' that I'm genuinely a fan. Many men assume I'm only pretending to like baseball to make myself more appealing to them or to make my husband happy. God forbid a girl have a passion for a sport she played with her dad and grandpa."
—u/Belle0516
5."I'd say one of the more 'unnoticed' examples of misogyny is all of the 'I'm just a girl' jokes and discourse, which, yes, 98% of the time, is self-aware, but a tiny part of it reinforces female helplessness."
—u/eden-sunset
6."Men are genuinely only friendly towards me if they want to have sex with me. They can be nice and kind without wanting sex, but when they are friendly, I have learned it comes with expectations — even men in relationships."
"I can tell like a bloodhound which men would cheat on their partners."
—u/amiinvisibleyet
7."My family doctor not taking me seriously is one of my biggest examples: I was struggling with severe pain, fatigue, anxiety, and insomnia. I was so desperate that I asked him if I could get a prescription for sleeping medication."
"He declined and gave me an entire speech about how addictive meds are and that I should try mindfulness instead. He said that pain is normal during periods and that it can impact sleep, 'It's just a part of womanhood,' etc.
My husband had an appointment with him a couple of days later, and got a prescription with no speeches, warnings, or questions."
—u/mrsmajkus
8."When I was joining a church, one of the elders asked me some general questions for their records."
"When he asked me my husband's name, I replied that my husband wasn't joining the church. He said they just needed an emergency contact, so I provided my husband's name and phone number.
A week later, I received my tithing envelopes and the new church directory. Both of them listed 'Mrs. Joe Smith.' My name was nowhere to be found."
—u/retirewhenidie
9."I get so mad when I'm given car repair quotes. At my last appointment, the place suggested a maintenance service that was $300+. I decided to call around to another place (another dealership, a town over) and get a quote for it. It was half the cost. It feels incredibly disrespectful that people try to take advantage of us like this."
—u/fallen-fawn
10."This one really ticked me off: My dad was getting my grandparents' house ready to sell after their deaths, so he chose a local property manager (who had no business acting as a realtor). I told my dad that the house needed to be painted, but he told me to wait and see what the property manager thought."
"The property manager, whom I'll call 'Guy', showed up and asked, 'Paint where?' I pointed out the line of dirt that all walls get when they've had appliances or furniture pressed up against them for 60 years. Guy said, 'I don't think you need to paint. It looks fine.'
Dad said, 'Great. No paint.' Fast forward a few weeks, Guy changed his mind and told my dad that he needed to paint the house and had a painter he could use. Dad told Guy, 'You're right. We need to paint.'
He then hired the painter, who SUCKED. He missed spots, cut corners, and painted single coats where there should have been double coats."
—u/Campyteendrama
11."When men are surprised that I'm funny."
"It always surprises me when men explain to women why what they said was funny, as if we accidentally made a joke."
—u/mushroom_gorge
12."When I worked a corporate job, I was given a name badge that said 'assistant' for a conference. I was a product manager."
"I was also asked many times if I was my boss's assistant when I managed my own portfolio of projects worth $500,000,000 a year."
—u/Cutieincalvins1020
13."I broke my car key while on a weekend trip with my boyfriend and didn't have a spare, so we had to walk to a nearby garage with the two halves of my key to see if they could copy it. I explained it was my car, and what happened, the guy then asked my boyfriend tons of questions about the make, model year, etc. of the car, all of which I answered as it was MY car."
"When we came back an hour later to collect the copied key, I paid, yet he handed the key to my boyfriend and wished him good luck.
I grabbed the key out of his hand and said, 'It's not luck he needs, it's a driver's licence.' I was fed up with the garage guy assuming it must be the man's car."
—u/Pathetic-Fallacy
14."I'm transgender (male-to-female), and I've had a front row seat to unrealized misogyny, including from coworkers I've known for more than a decade. The other day, one guy I've known since 2017 tried to explain how units of measure work. I'm the Senior Director of Master Data. He never tried doing that before."
—u/ShannonSaysWhat
15."I was an engineer at a tech company that made applicants give a tech talk to the engineers as the final stage of the hiring process. When I walked into the room, carrying my laptop, dressed in shorts and a t-shirt like every other engineer, the applicant looked at me, surprised, and said, 'I thought the audience was supposed to be technical.'"
"It was so wild I didn't even [understand] what had happened; my teammates got offended on my behalf and I had no idea why. He didn't get the job."
—u/Daffodil_Bulb
16."When I was younger and lived with my parents, my dad would constantly talk over me and demean my opinions and feelings. Over time, I stopped trying to make my opinions known. I wasn't conscious of it, however, until I moved away and married a man who is a respectful conversationalist, and I stopped silencing myself."
"Then we visited my parents for Christmas, I couldn't get a word in edgewise when Dad was in the room, even with my husband trying to give me space to talk.
Now that I was conscious of what was happening, I was furious. It was as clear as day that my dad was more ready to listen to my husband than he was to me."
—u/Straight_Mongoose_51
17."Recently, I've been thinking about the term: 'working mom.' Forget the fact that all moms, in fact, are working because taking care of a child is a huge task, not even considering household chores. How come I've never heard of a 'working dad?' Does being a dad mean less work than being a mom?"
"The only term that comes to mind indicating a man taking on the majority/all of the childcare is 'single dad' or 'present father.'
On the flip side, a 'present mother' is just a mother. Do dads in relationships not normally care for their children?"
—u/StopthinkingitsMe
18."In my 20s, I did genetic sequencing for a prestigious cancer research center in London. When I was going for lunch one day, the man serving me spotted my ID badge and asked where I worked (for safety reasons, our badges had no identifying institution logos/ building names, etc)."
"When I told him, he asked if I was the receptionist. When I told him what my actual job was, he replied with 'You don't look like a scientist.' Ten years later, I can still remember how furious that interaction made me feel.
(Not that it matters, but the actual receptionist at that time was a man.)"
—u/_rbnsn
19."My family was looking to buy a minivan. I did all the research and found the van. So my husband, my two youngest, and I head to the dealership. While I am working out the deal with the finance guy, my husband was strolling around the lot with the kids to keep them entertained..."
"The first time the finance guy came out, he gave me a number. I told him, 'No, I came in here with this number, and it is what I can afford.' He replied, 'Did you want to check with your husband?' No, actually, my husband has no idea about any of this...I've worked in lending for over 20 years."
The second time, he comes out with another payment quote and says the same thing. He leaves again, and finally comes back with the payment I was comfortable with. Again, he asks, 'Do you want to ask your husband?' Dude, if I wanted his opinion, he would be in here with me.
I finally told the guy that if he asked me that one more time, I was leaving."
—u/SrslyYouToo
Did any of these stories surprise you? Women, what are some "unnoticed" ways misogyny has crept into your lives? Let us know in the comments or answer anonymously using the form below!
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
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