Hearing loss can put a strain on relationships
Just about every TV programme I watch with my husband is peppered with questions from me about who said what and what's going on.
He finds it irritating to say the least but, even though the volume is set high, I find it difficult to hear. I'd like to turn it up to full but he says it's already at 'pensioner level', it makes him uncomfortable and would be unbearable not to mention unfair to the neighbours, were it any higher.
My hearing has been deteriorating for decades. Having virtually no hearing in my left ear due to Meniere's disease, I rely completely on my right, which is good but is blighted by constant tinnitus in my left. So, all in all, it's not great.
There's many a conversation in my house that goes something like this:
Husband: 'Have you moved the beans I left outside?'
Me: 'No, but you don't need to put the bins out, they're not collected until Thursday.'
At the weekend he sent me to the garage for a hammer. I came back with a spanner.
Those are the occasions when I reply to him: there are many when I don't hear him at all, so don't answer, leaving him exasperated. I often ask: 'Can you come into the room and face me when you ask something, then I can answer you?'
We are far from alone in experiencing this sort of exchange. Nearly half of all couples have argued because of hearing loss, according to a poll of 2,000 adults. The problem leaves two fifths feeling frustrated, a third feeling ignored, and a fifth feeling disconnected from their partner.
The poll by market research company OnePoll also found couples ask each other to repeat themselves an average of four times a week. And just under half reported having to shout to be heard. With more than a third of adults admitting getting the gist of a conversation wrong and 17 per cent to offending their partner, it can easily lead to disagreements.
Living with hearing loss presents challenges in the home.. Picture: Pixabay
The survey followed a series of public stunts by Hilary and Michael Whitehall, the parents of UK comedian Jack Whitehall, who leaked CCTV footage of themselves arguing due to problems with Michael's hearing, before revealing it was part of a campaign to raise awareness.
The short film could easily have been made in my home and made me realise how frustrating my condition is for my husband. He accepts it and is very accommodating, but sometimes finds it difficult.
Michael Whitehall has since been fitted with hearing devices, which have been transformative. He said: 'I've realised how much I was missing before - and the issues my hearing was causing.'
My local NHS hearing department is excellent and after undergoing tests I was fitted with a hearing aid, but sadly it makes no difference.
Of course, we could use subtitles when watching TV, but it's not as enjoyable. I will persevere with it for foreign language films, but I'm not a fan, especially when they text is not in synch with the dialogue. It's not fair on my husband either, although he would readily accept it.
I have to turn my phone alarm up high in case I'm asleep on my right ear when it goes off. But even then I sometimes fail to hear it. There is one advantage though - I simply turn over if I want to block out the dawn chorus.
It's ten times harder to hear if I'm in a group and more than one person is speaking. It takes every scrap of concentration, and feeble attempts at lip reading, to be able to join in the conversation.
I am glad that my husband's auditory system is functioning well, but living with hearing loss isn't easy for either of us.
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Yahoo
an hour ago
- Yahoo
People Who Divorced In Their First Year Of Marriage Are Revealing The "Final Straw" Moment That Ended It All
We recently wrote a post where people who got divorced in their first year of marriage revealed the shocking reasons why. In the comments, more readers shared their stories, which range from devastating to absolutely shocking. Here's what they had to say: 1."We were together for seven years before getting married, so I thought it was a sure thing. About six months after the marriage, he started getting distant. One night, I asked what was wrong. Completely blindsided me by saying he couldn't do it anymore, and he wanted out. He moved out shortly after claiming we had grown apart and weren't the same people. It turns out he was with a woman from his work; they married two years later and have a kid now." "I thought I'd never get over him and that heartbreak, but I've been in a long-term relationship for eight years. I'll never get married again; that ruined it for me." —Anonymous, 40, Canada 2."I was in my early 20s and had a young child from a previous relationship when I married my high school sweetheart. I broke up with him in high school because he cheated. I never felt the same about him. He had never gotten over me and pursued me consistently. Against my better judgment, I gave in because marrying him seemed to make sense. He proposed, probably a month after I agreed to be his girlfriend. He went out of his way to care for my daughter and me. After marriage, he flipped a switch." "He became aggressive and controlling. We didn't last long after that. I learned that pushing for a quick commitment can be a sign of an abuser. I don't think he ever stopped cheating, either. I wish I had followed my intuition and stayed away." —Anonymous, 45, Florida 3."I married the Mormon missionary who baptized me. Moved from California to Tennessee, where his mother refused to let go of her 'baby.' I was pregnant after one month of marriage. His mother convinced him that he didn't love me and needed to divorce me. She had us over for dinner, where she tried to convince me to give our son up for adoption to his only sister. My dad flew out to Tennessee and packed my Ford Ranger up and drove me back to California." "Horrible 18 years of raising our son alone with my ex-husband, who was diagnosed many years later with bipolar disorder. Also, Tennessee racism is appalling, and I would never want to raise a child there. It was the most traumatic experience." —Anonymous, 43, California 4."She was emotionally cheating on me with a friend for about 10 months and had had multiple physical affairs I never knew about. We'd been together five years, living together for three, and had a house together. We got married last June, then in September, our mutual friend, with whom she was having an emotional affair, gave her an ultimatum of either leaving me for him, or he would break things off. She freaked out and wrote me a letter about how she had been having this emotional affair since our engagement, six months before the wedding, and it was going strong, but she wanted to be honest with me and tell me herself. ... I decided to stay with her and give couples therapy a chance because I was raised that you don't just give up on a marriage. After all, a situation gets difficult, or someone makes a mistake. Through that, though, she ultimately confessed that she had several physical affairs in the past five years." "Her last long-term relationship broke up because she had a sexual affair with him. She has been cheating in every relationship, ever. By January of this year, it was clear that her issues were a lot deeper than I was equipped to handle. The divorce went through a week or two ago. Ultimately, what happened was awful, but at least now I know, and my mutual friend and I talked everything through. We're not friends by any means, but we have an understanding. When I first found out, I definitely blamed him, but now, knowing everything, I'm 99% sure she pursued him for the attention and preyed on his existing struggle to find a solid long-term partner, I have better empathy for the situation he found himself in and am grateful that 1) he was the kind of guy to not take it physical, and 2) I found out when it was still early days of the marriage, and I had time to get out. No kids, no obligations, really. It sucks starting over again and losing five years with the wrong person, but at the end of the day, it is what it is, and I know I did everything I could to save the marriage and made the right choice for me. Oh, and the day I moved out, she was blowing up his phone (though he had blocked her), then got a friend to call him from their phone so he would pick up, not knowing it was her, and he blocked her again. And when I pushed through the divorce paperwork, she was blowing up my phone, but I later found out she had two other guy friends over at the house for 'emotional support.' Yeah, fun times, but pretty sure I dodged a bullet in the long term." —Anonymous, 29, California 5."I had just turned 21, and he was 31 when we first got together. We were together for four years, and it was alright (in hindsight, there were tons of red flags I ignored). We rushed the marriage because I needed health insurance. We were already engaged, but I had doubts that I chose to ignore because of health insurance. We had a little court wedding, and that night, he started laying out 'rules' for how a wife *should* act. I knew then I had messed up badly. Four months later, I filed for divorce." —Anonymous, 31, Texas 6."He was a Navy corpsman stationed out of state. When I called in the wee hours to tell him I was taking our infant son to the ER, a sleepy woman answered. I heard her tell him, 'It's your wife. Tell her, don't call here anymore.' When he came home, the top picture in his wallet was a strange baby girl. I found out that it was his daughter. He had started a new family near his post. I was done." "After I got a divorce, I found out he had told people at both our wedding and the reception that if it didn't work out, he could always get a divorce. They thought it was just a bad joke. We're Catholic, so it was also grounds for an annulment. He hasn't seen our son since the boy was 11; he's 35 now. I'm a happily married mother of three and grandmother of two now. My second husband raised my son and our children with me." —Anonymous, 63, Pennsylvania 7."I was older, 36, previously married, and had a child. He was younger, 30, and never married. After a few dates and starting to have strong feelings, I had a conversation like, 'It's early and probably too soon, but it's pointless to go further if you want to have children. I'm not having any more, my tubes are tied.' He reassured me that he would be happy with me and my child. Fast forward, we get married within a year of dating, and then after a couple of months of marriage, he asks me to have my tubes untied. Um, no, that's why I told you that from the start." "He should have been more honest with me and himself. We were divorced within the year. He remarried a few years later to another older woman, but convinced her to untie her tubes; they had a child." —Anonymous, 62, New Hampshire 8."We met in college and stumbled through years of an on-and-off, mostly long-distance relationship. I was young, hopeful, and maybe too eager to become a wife. We hopped from state to state, chasing fresh starts, but everything shifted once we landed in Texas. That's when the distance between us wasn't just about geography anymore. He started pulling away, blaming stress from his new job. His phone was always off. When I asked why, he casually turned it on like I was overreacting. When I questioned the woman who kept calling, he brushed it off: 'Just a colleague,' he said. She even vouched for their 'friendship,' managing to convince me I was out of my mind for doubting it. Still, something felt off. Marriage — once the topic we danced around with excitement — suddenly became a conversation he avoided like the plague. When I finally threatened to leave, he flipped the script." "He said the reason for his distance was that he was secretly planning to propose. And three months later, we were married. That should've been the happy ending, right? Instead, it was the unraveling. The 'friend' turned furious and spilled everything to me and the world. She started harassing him nonstop. Frankly, he deserved it. But then, she started calling my job. Reaching out to my family. Turning her rage on me. And she wasn't alone. His so-called 'lesbian' best friend — yeah, her, too. Another secret. Another lie. What he exposed me to — the emotional wreckage, the betrayal, the danger — was more than careless. It was cruel. I don't care to ever see him again. Some endings aren't bittersweet; they're necessary. And mine was overdue." —Anonymous, 30, Texas 9."I asked for a divorce exactly a year later when his drinking became his only priority, and his family made excuses for it. In our year of marriage, he lost his job, drove drunk with my child in the car, and told his mom every 'bad' or 'wrong' thing I did so she would yell at me for her son. It got so toxic, I felt like the only good thing I could do was walk away." "Hindsight being what it is, I knew we would divorce eventually, walking down the aisle. Always trust your gut or the little voice when there are concerns BEFORE you say I do." —Anonymous, 36, Minnesota 10."I knew it was a bad idea. His horrid mother had pushed us until we married after canceling a wedding that she had taken over. My parents were shell-shocked that I still married the guy. It was over as it began, but we stayed married for nine years. Again, my mother-in-law pushed us to stay together, have a kid, etc. We were so young that neither of us realized that his mom just wanted to dominate our lives." "Well, she's dead now after driving one son to die by suicide, turning her daughter into a drama queen responsible for a boyfriend's death, and permanently stunting my ex's emotional development. If you let crap in, it splashes on you." —Anonymous 11."It all started in January when I met my ex. I wasn't looking for love — just something new, a shift in my routine. But he had this way of making everything feel alive. We clicked instantly. Conversations felt effortless, like we'd known each other in another life. By March, we were practically inseparable. It was fast — too fast, according to some. But to us, it felt right. We got married in June, in a small ceremony with just our closest people. There was so much hope at that moment. We really believed love could carry us through anything. But by September, the cracks started to show. Living together uncovered more differences than we anticipated — how we communicated, handled stress, and what we each wanted out of life. What used to feel exciting started feeling like constant friction." "He struggled with trust; I needed space. I needed calm; he thrived in intensity. It wasn't one big blow-up that ended things; it was a slow unraveling. By December, we both knew it wasn't working. It wasn't that we didn't love each other — we did — but love just wasn't enough. We got divorced before the year hurt more than I ever thought it would. I questioned everything — my choices, my sense of judgment, even my ability to recognize real love. But time has a way of putting things into perspective. I started to heal. I realized that two people can care for each other deeply and still not be right for each I'm doing better. Things are calmer. I've been focusing on myself — rebuilding routines, reconnecting with people I lost touch with, finding joy in solitude. I'm not bitter. I'm just more grounded. I understand myself better now, and I'm clearer on what I want from love and life." —Anonymous, 34, California 12."We were together for four years before getting married, and there were so many signs I should run for the hills and moments I would think, 'You don't want this; leave now!' We were both previously married and were trying to blend our families. We decided to get married before our actual wedding. I didn't tell my parents or friends, which is unlike me because they knew everything. On our wedding day, I knew I should walk away, but I didn't." "The day after our wedding, he was intoxicated and ended up punching one of my sons in the stomach. He claimed he was playing; however, the shock with our other children and the pain of betrayal from the one who was punched said otherwise. I knew immediately we were done. It took me three months to get the money and funds together to move out. I moved out while he was out of town and never looked back. Always trust yourself, even when it's hard. I could have avoided so much pain for my children if I had trusted myself from the very beginning." —Anonymous, 47, Arizona 13."My ex-husband and I had an on-and-off relationship for several years. We shared a child and later married simply because he had nowhere else to go. On our wedding day, after we exchanged vows and kissed, he told me he loved me — for the first time. I brushed it off at the time, but once he moved in, I realized he had a severe alcohol addiction. [Eventually], I knew I had to leave. I left a few months before our two-year anniversary." "My son and I deserved better. A few years ago, he went to jail for not paying child support. Our divorce cost me $47,000, and it was worth every penny." —Anonymous, 36, Virginia 14."When we married, I knew she was pregnant but didn't care. We both agreed that the child would be mine because she wanted nothing to do with his dad. After we married, every day while I was at work (I found out from a friend later on), she would see the child's dad while the kid was in daycare. Then, while I was at home with the child, she would say she had school. Yes, she did some college at night, so I didn't second-guess it. After a while, my friend finally told me what she had seen. I asked my wife about it, and she said nothing was going on. The next day, I found her moved out of our place and into his. This was all within four months of being married." "I went to the courthouse, got divorce papers, and filled them out as quickly as possible. The best part was that the divorce was finalized on my birthday, and a month later, I was overseas as a contractor. This all happened back in the early 2000s. Now, I'm happily married again and have a great job where I only work six months a year and get to spend a lot of time with my family. Me and her family don't even talk, and I still want nothing to do with her or her family." —Anonymous, 43, Alaska 15."I married my first husband when I was 21, and he was 22. We had dated for less than one year. He was in the army and was getting stationed in a new base, and he didn't want to go without me. So romantic, right? Even though I knew it was a rash decision, I did it anyway. About three months after we got married, he cheated on me with our neighbor's 15-year-old sister, who was visiting for the summer. I did not find out about it until three months after that, when I stumbled upon love letters she had written him, complete with naked pictures taken inside my house." "(He had stupidly left them in a random box in the closet, which I accidentally knocked over. While putting back all the stuff that fell out, the pictures slid out!). I confronted him, and he flat out lied that the photos weren't in our house (?) and nothing happened; it was just some random girl he met who was infatuated, blah, blah. I left the house shortly thereafter and never went back." —Anonymous, 53, Virginia And finally... 16."I had a lot of fun in high school. I played football and was very social. However, college was a difficult time. My parents' finances collapsed, and my mom committed tons of fraud on me — a whole other story — and I became super serious and lost touch with my best friends. Shortly after college, I met a very nice girl and someone I would have never pictured myself as being with when I was growing up — quiet, reserved, and kind of dull — but that's what I kind of became. People my age were getting married, so five months in, I proposed. It felt…okay. We went to different schools but were from the same town; both of us were known. When the time came to line up the wedding party, I reached out to my old friends, who were excited for me, but there were clear 'what is he doing?' vibes. Nothing felt right, except that this event brought my old friends back into my life." "At the church rehearsal, she sat with her mother rather than me. A big sign that this wouldn't have much mileage. In our few months of marriage, I became the social guy I used to be, and she tried to keep up. It wasn't fair to either of us. After 11 months, we divorced. It was public and kind of embarrassing, but it was never mean. Most saw it coming. We both maintained respect for one another. She ended up marrying someone exactly right for her — someone I've known for years. They have two children, and I couldn't be happier for them. A few years later, I met the right one. We've been married nine years and have amazing girls. My ex and I continue our respect for one another, and while we don't interact socially, I worked with her and her husband for a year, and it wasn't weird at all." —Anonymous, 40, Kentucky Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity. Wow. If you went through a divorce in your first year of marriage and feel comfortable telling your story, share in the comments. Or, if you prefer to remain anonymous, you can use the form below.
Yahoo
an hour ago
- Yahoo
Archaeological dig at pub 'huge success'
An archaeologist has hailed an archaeological dig open to the public as a "huge success". As part of the redevelopment of the Rose & Crown pub in St Albans, an excavation was opened to visitors between Friday and Monday. During the dig, volunteers from St Albans Museums found pottery from medieval and Roman times, which members of the public could then see up close while visiting the site. Archaeologist Tom Lucas said: "It's just given people a chance to see it happening and to understand the planning process and then the excavation process- it's the museum's mission to share this with everybody, I think it's been a huge success." He noted that some of the Roman materials found during the dig, such as pottery, tesserae and painted wall plaster, had not been found in that part of the city before. At the site, a handling table was set up where visitors could see material after it was excavated. Children were also invited to learn how to wash pieces of pottery that had been uncovered. About 2,400 people visited the dig over the four-day period. Mr Lucas will now write a report on the team's findings, which will be considered as part of the planning process. He said: "Planning archaeology is not usually seen in this way, it's not hidden, it's just usually on construction sites. "People don't really see it going on, but it's happening all around us all the time because it's enshrined in our planning policy. So it's good that it's been seen and everybody enjoyed it." Follow Beds, Herts and Bucks news on BBC Sounds, Facebook, Instagram and X. Creating modern theatre in an ancient space Women who helped unearth Roman town celebrated 'Significant' finds in Roman town dig
Yahoo
an hour ago
- Yahoo
New baby animals welcomed at rural college
New baby animals, including a wallaby, have been welcomed at an agricultural college. Suffolk Rural, based in Otley and part of Suffolk New College, said it was "delighted" to see one of its wallabies, Jessie, had given birth. Senior technician, Andrew Waddingham, said the team witnessed the joey's arrival last month. Two small skunks have also been born in recent weeks. "We first noticed a head pop out of Jessie's pouch about three weeks ago," Mr Waddingham said. "Although with Wallabies, it could be up to six months old as they crawl up into the pouch for nearly half a year. "Hopefully within a couple of weeks it will hop out of the pouch." Two baby skunks, one of which is albino, were also born about nine weeks ago and have been at the college for the past fortnight. They have been named Winston and Ralph by the college's animal centre manager, Helen Pearson, who used the names of her childhood gerbils. The new additions were just some of the animals welcomed at the college after it unveiled new facilities earlier this year. Other animals given a home included meerkats, with the site hoping to introduce capybaras in the near future. "We currently support over a hundred students who get to work with lots of different animals in some amazing new facilities - so it's a very exciting time for our department," Mr Waddingham added. Follow Suffolk news on BBC Sounds, Facebook, Instagram and X. First seal pups of season born at nature reserve Suffolk Punch foal gets timely Star Wars name One in a million sheep births five lambs Suffolk Rural
