How Singalong Starmer got his deal … and a bit part in Trump, the Musical
A huge day in import-export yesterday, as even Rome's billion-per-cent tariff on American popes was lifted. The much bigger news, though, concerned the partial easing of recently imposed import taxes on British goods in the form of a starter UK-US trade deal, leaving the biggest little country in the world basking in the glow of an achievement our own prime minister seemed to hint had something of VE Day to it. In Britain, we have an old saying about dejection – 'you look like you've lost a pound and found a sixpence' – but this was an entirely new spin on that scenario, given we were mostly celebrating being back to paying 10% more tariffs than we were subject to a few weeks ago. Yessss! A sixpence! Good times.
Before we get to the specifics of the deal, the theatre. I do find myself increasingly mesmerised by Trump's Oval Office tableaux, which typically feature him surrounded by a cluster of sniggering mooks (eg the vice-president). Trump is like the boss in a cartoon about a crew of gangster dogs. Like Fat Sam from Bugsy Malone – but a bloodhound-chinese crested cross. Call him The Dogfather. So yes: the big dog was seated at his desk, while the henchdogs stood awkwardly round ready to laugh obsequiously on cue. And, bless them, they hit every single one. On this occasion, the boss dog was basking in their oleaginously indulgent chuckles, but you get the feeling that on a bad day it could go quite the opposite way. 'Shaddup, Vance, you idiot. Did I say you could snigger?' 'No, boss. Sorry, boss.'
Anyway, to each mook his day. Surgically removing his own dignity live on TV with no anaesthetic was Howard Lutnick, the former Cantor Fitzgerald CEO turned commerce secretary, who at one point burbled: 'I want to make this clear. This was the president's deal. People think, 'Oh, that's not the way it works.' If you got to sit next to him – I have the BEST dealmaker to my left. And if you don't think that we take advantage of him calling the prime minister and getting that deal done, you don't understand who's the president. He's the closer. He gets deals done that we could never get done, because he understands business, he understands deals. And that's why we're here today.'
Watching this speech, I was seized by the powerful apprehension that this was the buildup to a musical number. It had all the hallmarks – Lutnick becoming suddenly more animated and mannered, his delivery even slowing slightly, until the only thing missing was the striking up of the band for the debut of your new ear-worm song, He's the Closer!
Lutnick: Well, here's a poser …
Vance: Just who's the closer?
Lutnik: Could it be …?
Vance: Yes, it could!
Lutnick: He's our orange bulldozer!
(Keir Starmer joining in over speakerphone for the second chorus.)
Anyway: the deal, which was either 'maxed out' or 'the end of the beginning', depending on whether you were listening to the boss dog or the British ambassador, Peter Mandelson. It was understandably received very well in the car factories of the West Midlands, but less so in the outrage-manufacturing plant presided over by the Conservative leader, Kemi Badenoch. 'Keir Starmer called this 'historic',' she posted. 'It's not historic, we've just been shafted!' Ooooooh! I think it's better when party leaders don't talk like this – it's certainly less of an excruciating cringe for everyone else. But my working theory is that Kemi Badenoch has decided to spend her tenure as Tory leader either calling for things she could have done but didn't when her party was in power, or explaining why you'd never catch her doing anything anyone might regard as an achievement by her rivals. I'd give her six months, tops – potentially in dog years.
'The US and UK have been working for years to try and make a deal and it never quite got there,' declared Trump as Starmer joined the announcement remotely. 'It did with this prime minister, so I want to just congratulate you.' Most compliments from Trump have the potential to be a stab in the back, and this one may yet turn out to be a lesson in being careful what you wish for. The UK-US trade deal has been an El Dorado-just-around-the-next-corner for so long that notions of its capabilities and value have grown outsized in the public imagination. To have heard all the prime ministers who couldn't close it talk, it could save us from decline, it could sweep away all the losses incurred by severing ties with all our nearest geographical neighbours, it could make us the rich global buccaneers we once were. Time after time over the past few years, politicians keen to get us to live on the never-never have suggested that just as soon as they landed it, it might be the answer to everything.
As the prime minister who did land it, Keir Starmer now has to return the public imagination to the realms of reality by November, when the budget will surely bring both tax rises and spending cuts, which have somehow not been headed off by ensuring the price of a Range Rover Evoque is only quite a bit higher instead of quite a lot higher. It's probably best he starts managing expectations on that front sooner rather than later. To the victor go the spoilers.
Marina Hyde is a Guardian columnist
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Sky News
an hour ago
- Sky News
PR-savvy and now finally a knight - Beckham always knew how to turn on the charm
A sporting icon courted by prime ministers past and present, newly knighted Sir David Beckham is renowned for being extremely media savvy. Never more so than when I interviewed him for Sky News at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, after he took part in the closing ceremony having played a key role in London's winning bid to host the 2012 Games. Speaking about Sir Alex Ferguson in the interview, canny Sir Becks heaped praise on his old boss in our interview. But he'd been less complimentary about his old boss in a conversation with prime minister Gordon Brown, I later learned. I'd travelled to Beijing with Mr Brown, via Afghanistan, and we spent the final evening of the Games at the handover party, when Boris Johnson - then London mayor - famously spoke in his speech about "wiff waff" (table tennis) coming home. During his Beijing visit, Mr Brown had been promoting the idea of a Great Britain football team competing at the 2012 Games and there was speculation about Sir Alex being the team's coach. "Aah, Sir Alex," Becks said wistfully and apparently affectionately when I asked him about being re-united with his former Manchester United manager during the interview. "Like a father to me." Later, on the flight home to the UK, when I told Gordon Brown about the interview, the prime minister laughed. "That's funny," he said. "Why?" I asked him. Beckham played for Fergie at Manchester United from 1995 until 2003, when he joined Real Madrid amid claims that Ferguson disapproved of the player's showbiz lifestyle. By 2008 he was playing for LA Galaxy in the US. But despite his canny, PR-savvy answers in my interview, I saw him work the room that night in Beijing and glad-hand relentlessly. He gave every interview asked of him and turned on the charm on behalf of UK PLC to everyone present. For politicians and prime ministers, sportsmen and women like Beckham are pure gold. David Cameron was also a fan and was photographed sitting alongside Becks at the London Games. When "Goldenballs", as wife Victoria called him, retired from football a year later, a No 10 spokesman gushed: "The prime minister's view is that David Beckham has been an outstanding footballer throughout his career. "But not only that, he has been a brilliant ambassador for this country, not least if we remember all the work he did on helping us win London 2012." There was indeed a Great Britain men's football team at the Olympics, but it was coached by former England legend Stuart Pearce, not Sir Alex. And Pearce, nicknamed "psycho" for his aggressive style on the pitch, didn't pick Becks either, though he claimed he'd faced pressure from Downing Street to include him. Then in 2017, David Cameron's former spin doctor Craig Oliver claimed a senior Tory cabinet minister - thought to have been George Osborne - suggested giving Becks a peerage and appointing him sports minister in a 2013 cabinet reshuffle. That never happened either, obviously, though at least now David Beckham is also a knight - just like his "father figure" Sir Alex.
Daily Mail
an hour ago
- Daily Mail
How a surge in late-night pizza orders at the Pentagon predicted Israel's attack on Iran
Israel 's attack on Iran fueled online rumors that an influx of pizza deliveries to the Pentagon was an indicator that a foreign disaster was on the horizon. Pentagon Pizza Report, an account on X with over 69,000 followers, posted a photo on Thursday night of a traffic surge at the Domino's Pizza in Arlington, which is about a 10-minute drive from the Pentagon. The account monitors online orders for pizzerias near the Pentagon and the White House and posts screenshots of when they're busy. At around 7 pm on Thursday night, Pentagon Pizza Report posted, 'As of 6:59pm ET nearly all pizza establishments nearby the Pentagon have experienced a HUGE surge in activity.' A few hours later, the account shared wait times for a nearby bar, writing, 'Freddie's Beach Bar, the closest gay bar to the Pentagon, has abnormally low traffic for a Thursday night. Potentially indicating a busy night at the Pentagon.' Israel launched the first air strikes against Iran on Friday at 3 am local time/8 pm EST, just an hour after the Pentagon Pizza Report noted a drastic surge in activity. Pizza takeout only grew as the night continued, with the account noting that the Domino's on 2602 Columbia Pike had abnormally high traffic just before 9 pm EST. Traffic continued to skyrocket, and the second closest Domino's to the Pentagon also picked up some additional customers, experiencing 'extremely' high levels of activity around 11 pm EST. Social media users were quick to point out the connection online, with one comment reading, 'This was a great catch, within an hour bombs flying in Tehran.' 'I feel like this really is telling us that there's a panic at these places,' another added. 'The pentagon needs its own pizza place inside the building. this is embarrassing,' a third noted. A fourth agreed, 'This is a security risk.' Pentagon Pizza Report screenshots data from Google, which uses an algorithm to track what times of day certain businesses are popular. Google displays the graph when someone uses the search engine to look up a business. Live visit data is also displayed so customers can check Google to see how busy a business is at that time. Google uses an algorithm from users who have opted in to Google Location History to display the data. Owners can't manually alter the information, and the tracking graph only comes up for businesses that have enough data from Google Location History. Although the data isn't perfectly accurate, it does give an estimate of when businesses tend to experience their busiest hours. Social media users have taken to accounts like Pentagon Pizza Report online to not only track if nearby businesses are experiencing high activity, but have also used the platform as a way to see if military personnel are staying late at the office. The attack in the Middle East on Thursday night indicated a foreign relations emergency for high-level officials in Washington DC. Israel's attack against Iran on Friday morning targeted the country's nuclear facilities. Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said that the operation was intended to 'roll back the Iranian threat to Israel's survival. ' Three of Iran's top military leaders and two nuclear scientists were killed in the strikes. sending over 100 drones to Israel, most of which were deflected.
The Guardian
an hour ago
- The Guardian
Mahmoud Khalil: US judge denies release of detained Palestinian activist
A federal judge declined to order the release of Palestinian activist Mahmoud Khalil, a setback for the former Columbia University student days after a major ruling against the Trump administration's efforts to keep him detained. Khalil, a green-card holder who has not been charged with a crime, is one of the most high-profile people targeted by the US government's crackdown on pro-Palestinian campus activism. Despite key rulings in his favor, Khalil has been detained since March, missing the birth of his son. His advocates were hopeful earlier in the week that he was close to walking free. On Wednesday, Judge Michael E Farbiarz ruled the Trump administration could no longer detain Khalil on the basis of claims that he posed a threat to US foreign policy. The federal judge in New Jersey said efforts to deport him based on those grounds were likely unconstitutional. Farbiarz had given the US government until Friday morning to appeal against the order, which the Trump administration did not do. Khalil's lawyers then argued he must be released immediately, but the government said it would keep him detained in a remote detention facility in Louisiana. The administration argued it was authorized to continue detaining him based on alternative grounds – its allegations that he lied on his green-card application. On Friday, Farbiarz said Khalil's lawyers had failed to present enough evidence that detention based on the green-card claims was unlawful, suggesting attorneys for the 30-year-old activist could seek bail from a Louisiana immigration judge. Khalil's have strongly rejected the government's assertions about problems with his green-card application, arguing the claims were a pretext to keep him detained. 'Mahmoud Khalil was detained in retaliation for his advocacy for Palestinian rights,' Amy Greer, one of his attorneys, said in a statement on Friday evening. 'The government is now using cruel, transparent delay tactics to keep him away from his wife and newborn son ahead of their first Father's Day as a family. Instead of celebrating together, he is languishing in [immigration] detention as punishment for his advocacy on behalf of his fellow Palestinians. It is unjust, it is shocking, and it is disgraceful.' Khalil has previously disputed the notion that he omitted information on his application. In a filing last week, he maintained he was never employed by or served as an 'officer' of the United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees, as the administration claims, but completed an internship approved by the university as part of his graduate studies. Khalil said he also stopped working for the British embassy in Beirut in December 2022, when he moved to the US, despite the administration's claims that he had worked in the embassy's Syria office longer. The Friday ruling prolonging his detention came the same day a group of celebrity fathers filmed a video reading Khalil's letter to his newborn son. The Father's Day campaign, published by the American Civil Liberties Union, called for Khalil's freedom and included actors Mark Ruffalo, Mahershala Ali, Arian Moayed and Alex Winter. Earlier in the week, when there was a ruling in Khalil's favor, Dr Noor Abdalla, his wife, released a statement, saying: 'True justice would mean Mahmoud was never taken away from us in the first place, that no Palestinian father, from New York to Gaza, would have to endure the painful separation of prison walls like Mahmoud has. I will not rest until Mahmoud is free.' Marco Rubio, the US secretary of state, has previously claimed Khalil must be expelled because his continued presence would harm American foreign policy, an effort that civil rights advocates said was a blatant crackdown on lawful free speech.
