Dan died six weeks after our wedding. I had no idea he was struggling

The Age

4 days ago

We all know we're going to lose our life partner one day. If you've ever pictured it, your brain has probably aged you as nonagenarians or centenarians, having enjoyed an extraordinary 60 to 70 years of laughter and love. To imagine anything less is too painful.
Yet, according to the last census, many Australians experience this heartbreak at a time when peers are still raising families and building lives. The data shows 55,000 Australians under the age of 55 are widowed, 18,000 of them younger than 45. And of the 1 million-plus Australians who are widowed, eight out of 10 are female.
The challenges of young widowhood include financial insecurity and social isolation. Researchers at Edith Cowan University found widows are also at a heightened risk of poor adjustment, with two-thirds of respondents surveyed reporting decreased functioning and high rates of psychological distress.
What does it take to start over without your partner? Three women share their stories.
'My husband died six weeks after our wedding': Rebecca Adams, 45
'Daniel was the sort of person people fell in love with as soon as they met him. He was wickedly funny, but because he was also so kind, he always looked for the best in others. We met online in 2011, and when he proposed just shy of our one-year anniversary, I couldn't say yes fast enough. We were both in our early 30s and knew we'd each found 'our person'. We married in June 2013; Dan died of suicide just six weeks later.
I didn't know how deeply Dan was struggling; he protected everyone who knew and loved him from that, so his death came as a huge shock. I was still going through the process of taking my marriage certificate around and changing my name on various documents. But very quickly I had to pivot to the process of carrying a death certificate and organising a funeral. The trauma and pain of losing Dan were all-consuming, and being 33, I honestly believed I'd lost my only shot at happiness and having children.
When we think of widows, we tend to think of older women – I only knew one other widow at the time, and she was in her 90s, so I felt alone. It felt like everyone I knew was either getting married or having children, so they couldn't quite understand or support me in the way that I needed. When I found a Facebook group dedicated to connecting younger women who'd lost their partners, I realised how helpful it was for me to meet up with others who truly understood what I was going through. In 2016, I launched First Light Widowed Support, a peer-support model of care – whether it be catch-up programs, an online forum, speaking events or resources – to help others find hope, inspiration and understanding through their journey.