Dark true story behind hit drama What It Feels Like For a Girl: Transgender author Paris Lees endured horrific sexual abuse and was jailed at 16

Daily Mail​

2 days ago

A trans woman who was sexually assaulted as a teenager and endured a stint in prison has been praised for the 'raw' and 'totally fearless' new TV show about her life.
Critics have commended the BBC 's adaptation of journalist Paris Lees' memoir, What It Feels Like for a Girl, which looks at the British writer's tumultuous history and at times dark journey with self-discovery.
The presenter, now understood to be around 37, grew up in Hucknall, Nottinghamshire, where she at the time identified as a gay man, and at 18 served eight months in prison for a robbery she committed two years earlier.
She previously spoken openly about the shocking abuse and bullying she faced in school - including being groomed by 'grown men' who she had sex with in 'public toilets.
The show explores her painful past, injected with optimism humour, and bright Y2K aesthetics, with actor Ellis Howard at the helm as protagonist Byron - initially percevied by those around them as a boy.
'Byron' is a pseudonym Paris used in her book as well - an homage to the Nottinghamshire poet.
The first episode sees them introduced to 'sex work' - although they're underage and cannot truly consent - through boyfriend Max (played by Calam Lynch), before later becoming embroiled in a robbery plot with dangerous and enigmatic character Liam (Jake Dunn).
In her memoir, Paris detailed an account, during this time of her life, that saw her going into a public toilet and being sexually abused on her 14th birthday.
In an interview with The Guardian, she explained however that it took her years to understand the gravity of what had happened.
'Listen, I was a rent boy,' she said. 'Because it's written from my perspective at that time... And, of course, you can never completely remove your perspective of now, and what you want to say today, but I really tried to make it authentic to that time, and I didn't realise quite how bad it was.
'It's taken me many years to realise that it was abuse. I wasn't forced, but it was statutory rape. What would you call it? If somebody in their 30s or their 40s was having sex with a 14-year-old? It's abuse. And I wanted you to be horrified.'
Remarking on seeing old childhood photos of herself, she added: 'But I look at this body, and this is the body of a 14- or 15-year-old, and this is the body that older men were lusting after, wanting to grab hold of, wanting to have sex with.
'And it makes me really sad. And it makes me sick, actually. It's weird thinking about myself in the third person, but I really want to go and just give that person a hug. And say, "You poor baby, please keep yourself safe. Please look after yourself."'
Paris has also been open about her at times difficult relationship with her parents - but has also said their relationship has evolved a lot since her childhood.
When she was 16, Paris was arrested after she and another rent boy she was 'sweet on' decided to rob a client - a plotline that is also explored in the BBC adaptation.
They stole his bank cards and took out large amount of cash - but the writer has admitted jail was far from the worst time of her life.
Reflecting on it on Lorraine in 2021, she explained: 'Weirdly prison for me was a real turning point.
'There are some really difficult things in there [her book] and a lot of this was abuse, and prison wasn't the worst time of my life ironically.
'I've been thinking about prison during lockdown, because I've been here before when you don't have your freedom and we really take our freedom for granted sometimes. It gave me a real space to think and think about the direction I wanted to go in, in my life.
'I look back at that screwed up kid, who is desperately unhappy and would do anything to escape, did do anything to escape, and got into a lot of trouble and look at this person on the screen and think, "This is two different people."'
'It's why it's taken me so long and it's really emotional to be here today,' she added. 'It's taken seven years to tell this story. It's not been easy story to write and it wasn't the easiest story to live to tell you the truth.
'It has been a difficult one for my family, my mum and dad don't read this with undiluted pleasure. It's dealing with some really tough issues, but I think we need to have that conversation because that was my childhood.'
'I was just a naïve teenager when they sent me away,' she said to the BBC, of her eight-month stint in jail.
'I had dropped out of college. Basically, I had gone off the rails because I was terrified of going to prison. I ended up taking lots of drugs. I had a lot of time for thinking when I was in prison.'
Once she was out, Paris focused on getting her A-levels - but was still not out as trans.
'I didn't feel like I could transition at college because it was a little bit rough. I didn't think I could face it,' she explained.
It was when her grandmother - who she was living with for the duration of her studies - passed away that she got a wake-up call.
'She died and I just thought, "do you know what, life is too short. I can't do this, I need to express myself and who I am",' Paris said.
'In the space of six weeks I went from living in Nottingham as a boy with my grandma still alive, to living in Brighton as a girl.'
It wasn't always easy, and 'blending in' was tough. Paris admitted she was not only discriminated against for her identity, but struggled to get work because of her criminal record as well.
Eventually, a doctor referred her to Charing Cross Gender Identity Clinic - later founding META, a magazine for the trans community.
Over the years, she began writing as a freelancer for national titles before getting some impressive accolades in the industry; Paris was Vogue's first trans columnist, as well as being the first trans woman to present shows on BBC Radio 1 and Channel 4.
In 2021, she released her lauded memoir - now revered in its BBC adaptation.
Describing it as both 'deeply disturbing and totally fearless', The Guardian 's Rachel Aroesti praised the optimism and joy inherent in the series despite the at times difficult subject matter.
'Despite... the fact they are repeatedly groomed and exploited by older men – Byron never comes across as a victim,' she penned.
'We are not invited to pick holes in the fearlessness they display when propositioning a police officer while sporting a wig and mini dress. Once Byron starts regularly dressing in women's clothes, sex takes on a new meaning.
'Risky, borderline violent encounters aren't self-destructive – they're self-affirmative, an opportunity to achieve something crucial.'
'This series is very bingeable,' Carol Midgley of The Times also said.
'It is funny, heartbreaking, occasionally disturbing, sharply written and well acted, most notably by Ellis Howard, who plays Byron with wit and, at times, devastating poignancy. No one was more surprised than me that I quickly watched all eight episodes.
'Lees became the first trans woman to present shows on BBC Radio 1 and Channel 4 and also became a Vogue columnist. There is much humanity and sadness in the writing, but there is a great deal of humour too.'
Elsewhere, The i 's Emily Baker praised the series as an 'absolute riot'.
'In having such a strongly realised, fully formed character in Byron, What It Feels Like a Girl can push the envelope into territory often seen as far too ghastly for television, particularly on the BBC,' she penned.
'By the end of tonight's two opening episodes, Byron finds his tribe in the "Fallen Divas" – a gang of trans girls and gay men who show him a different side to his hometown and the possibilities within it.
'It is joyful and funny, but that dark streak returns when Byron falls in with another pimp, Liam, who involves him in a crime that will turn his life upside down.'
And writing for The Independent, Nick Hilton felt the 'messy coming-of-age tale is both universal and also rooted in the transgender experience'.
The series is available to watch on BBC iPlayer.