Lottie Ryan: `dad was my best friend, my everything'

RTÉ News​

02-05-2025

Lottie Ryan has recalled the morning she learnt that her father Gerry had died, saying "I tried to ring him, and he would never not answer the phone to me, and he didn't answer the phone."
Mr Ryan died unexpectedly from cardiac arrhythmia in 2010 and speaking on Friday's Late Late Show to mark the 15th anniversary of his death, an emotional Ms Ryan, who hosts her own show on RTÉ 2fm, opened up about her memories of her dad and how her family dealt with the pain of his passing.
"I was actually at home that day," she said. "I don't know if I was skipping college on purpose or what I was doing, but I was at home with my brother,"
"He didn't go on air that morning and I was listening and I tried to ring him, and he would never not answer the phone to me, and he didn't answer the phone.
"So, I kind of thought, oh, maybe he's not well. And I left it for about 20 minutes, and when he didn't call me back, I went to call him again, and I was like, that's really weird that he wouldn't answer a second time.
"So, I started texting him and wasn't getting anything. And then I think a couple of hours later, maybe around midday, the doorbell rang. And I think a lot of people say this when they have somebody really close to them that's passed away, there's something in you that just knows something's happened.
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"You just, I don't know what it is, but I just knew something. And then I walked downstairs, and our GP was at the front door, and I opened the door, and I just instantly, I was like, Where is he?
"You know, obviously it took me a while to process. I thought maybe he was in hospital where I knew he was under a lot of stress, and I thought maybe he had just had a heart attack. But obviously it was worse than that, but something in you just knows. I mean so many people who lose someone, the pain and the intensity of that is something so hard."
Mr Ryan's fame meant that Ms Ryan and her siblings and mother Morah had to process their grief while under constant media and public scrutiny.
"I feel we were kind of locked up in the house for quite a while," she told host Patrick Kielty. "You couldn't really go out for a walk to get some fresh air, or you kind of felt like everyone was staring at you all the time and expecting you to be crying constantly.
"So, you know, one of the big things with grief is the first morning you wake up and they're not the first thing on your mind you feel guilty about. So, it kind of felt like that constantly.
"It was like people were watching you, waiting to see you get upset. And that's really difficult. So, it prolonged the process, I think, and I think it's probably deeply affected all of us, but we are a really tight knit family.
"I think the eldest in every family kind of assumes that pseudo mother role, and we've kind of banded together, and I definitely was, and still am, really overprotective of them all.
"My little sister Bab's was only eight years old at the time, you know, and there's people rummaging through the bins at the side of the house trying to find something for a story."
Ms Ryan also spoke about how she felt when she learnt that her father had been using cocaine on the night he died.
"It didn't matter then and it doesn't matter now to me," she said. "And that's not me excusing any bad behaviour. That's me saying it's my dad, like my dad is gone. I don't know what you're looking for. It's, it's pretty black and white. I can't get them back. And that's kind of all that matters,"
Speaking about how the family mark the anniversary of his passing, she said, "We kind of do the same thing every year. We get together and we reminisce and watch old family videos.
"We have a very dark sense of humour when it comes to grief and death at this point so we get out the old cardboard cut-out that used to be in the radio studio and mess around with it and I know everyone's going to think that's really weird haha.
"Fifteen years is a long time and it's probably taken me this length of time to be comfortable talking about him because I think there was always a fear of drawing attention to us. There was so much attention on us when he passed away and that was really, really difficult to navigate and process.
"I felt for a long time that if I didn't talk about it and we didn't address it, it would help the family to process things. Now I think I am a t a point in my life where a lot of people do talk about him and it's nice when it's own family members doing the talking."
She added, "Also, I am a mum now and it has changed my whole perception of him as a dad. That changed me as well. I am feeling much more strong and comfortable in my own skin they I am able to talk about him without being worried by what people think."
Asked what he was like as a father, she said, "He was just so much fun. He was a child himself. He always wanted to go to Disneyworld and play games, he was front row at all the school plays. He videoed everything. There is not a minute of my childhood that hasn't been recorded.
"He was a real messer. He was my best friend, my counsellor, he was my everything."
"I was bullied really badly in school when I was 13 and he used to drive me up the door of the school and give me this big pep talk about I'd go in but the consequence was that he was always late to go on air. He did it because we were always first for him."
Asked how she would like her das to be remembered, she said, "I'd like people to remember him as somebody who deeply cared about sharing people's stories and deeply cared about people like that's what mattered to him.
"He loved learning about people's stories and genuinely really cared, and that he was the most incredible dad, like he was a family man, and I think he should be remembered for that and for the good and all the wonderful things he did."