Trump's right-hand man is pretty smart, isn't he? Isn't he?
'One of the boys in my class used a slightly rude expletive,' revealed the teacher. 'So I naturally explained that it wasn't a nice thing to say.'
She continued: 'Immediately, your Beatrice backed me up by saying, 'And Miss, you must never ever say 'Oh my God' or even 'For folk's sake', like my Uncle Harry does.'
The Diary concludes that Beatrice is a very well-brought-up little girl.
(Though we're not so sure about Uncle Harry.)
Cruellest cut
A Diary tale that took place in a hairdressing salon reminds David Donaldson of something that happened to his wife Marion.
She phoned her salon and requested an appointment.
'Who did your hair the last time?' asked the receptionist.
'I can't remember,' replied Marion. 'Just give me the head cutter.'
Healthy option
Our readers continue impressing us with their exercise regimes.
Chris Byers says: 'Every morning I get out of bed and do diddly-squats.'
Future imperfect
Depressed reader Jenny Casely says: 'The older I become, the less I feel that I have much to look forward to in the future.
Adds Jenny: 'When I was younger I read my horoscope every single morning. I still do. Though nowadays I called it my horror-scope.'
Fighting talk
The modern shop assistant isn't as knowledgeable as the legendary sales person of yore, who had an answer to every query, no matter how esoteric.
Leah Parkins visited one of the largest and best-stocked emporiums in Glasgow city centre, on the hunt for a punch bowl.
She asked a young sales person if the store stocked such an item.
'Is that something to do with boxing?' replied the girl, a look of confusion flooding her face. 'I'm afraid we don't sell gym equipment here.'
Hard to swallow
Waiters can be exceedingly rude: a condition no doubt brought about because they have to stand on their feet all day, taking orders from smug people sitting in chairs.
Albert Sullivan tells us he was once in a French restaurant with his wife, who asked the serving chap if there was anything she could eat which didn't have salt, sugar or fat.
Without overly considering the matter, he replied: 'A napkin?'
Kitchen cop-out
Thought for the day from Donna Reynolds, who says: 'Any pan can be non-stick if I non-cook in it.'
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