I tried Heathrow's £3,177 VIP terminal — how the other half fly
But did you know there's a level even higher, so elite they don't call it a lounge, they call it a suite?
That's where I'm writing this from.
I'd heard that Heathrow Airport had reopened their Windsor Suite – used by the likes of the Beckhams and Prince Harry – after a major upgrade.
Up until 2008, only diplomats and royals could use the service, but it was expanded ahead of the London 2012 Olympics.
And, when I was invited to test it out, I thought I'd never live it down if I didn't take my family along with me.
The first excitement came when our chauffeur pulled up at an entrance far from the normal drop-off zone and said 'I've got four VIPs' over the intercom.
My four-year-old son still refers to himself as a VIP.
I then gave my husband – who told me off for not telling him to dress a bit smarter – a quick briefing on what to expect: 'Give them our passports, and don't worry about the bags'.
Immigration, bag-drop, check-in and security were going to be done as discreetly as possible; all we had to worry about was what we wanted from Michelin starred chef Jason Atherton's a la carte menu.
There are eight suites at the terminal, but our very own waiting area was the Mayfair Lounge, one of the largest private rooms on offer.
We had comfortable seating, a dining area, private bathroom, and – our children's favourite feature – a button that summoned staff in seconds.
We weren't in the market, but if you're interested in high-end shopping, a private shopper will appear in a flash to guide you through the best Hermes and Louis Vuitton have to offer.
Initially, I was worried that the bell would become irritating, but the staff seemed to love having the children around.
In fact, they even took them for a 'backstage tour' of the kitchens and security so my husband and I could enjoy a glass of wine in peace.
Once I'd polished off my rigatoni and a cheeky chicken burger on the side (well, why not?), representatives from our airline came to greet us and find out if we wanted to be first on the plane, or last.
All too swiftly, it was time for our flight. After a rapid scan through the private security scanner, our chauffeur was waiting to take us on the seven-minute trip from terminal 5 to terminal 3. Regular passengers are told to allow 90 minutes for the same journey. More Trending
As much as I enjoyed the luxury, service and comfort of the lounge, this was the most exciting bit.
Our car was escorted along a city-sized road network, through the secret network of tunnels and along the runway to our waiting plane.
We climbed a staircase that took us through a door most people wouldn't have seen as they boarded, and our host passed us over to the cabin crew's capable hands.
I doubt we'll be travelling like this again soon, and taking our children to the airport will be a painful experience in the future, but overall I think if I could afford to do it again, I would.
Arrival and check-in
Regular terminal: Piccadilly Line, sweaty armpits, jostled by other people's bags, carrying your own bags. Queues and self-serve bag drops.
First class lounge: You've still got to go through the main airport, you just do it a little quicker.
Windsor Suite: Chauffeur driven, private entrance, concierge, bags taken care of.
Regular travel: Queuing, rushing, processed cattle.
First class lounge: Fast track, but still face potential for queues with other first and business class passengers.
Windsor security: Private security with no queues, no rush and no public scrutiny or stress.
Regular terminal: Lots of plastic seating, noise and distraction. No privacy and you've got to pay for all your snacks/restaurants.
First class lounge: Shared space with other travellers, buffet or a la carte dining, and champagne.
Windsor suite: Complete privacy, ample space to lounge around, a TV you can control, full a la carte menu, fine dining and a butler service.
Regular travel: Walking forever to get to the gate, more waiting and more queuing.
First class: You still have to walk to the gate, but you get priority boarding.
Windsor suite: Chauffeur driven from your lounge to your aircraft – you can request being let on first or last.
Regular travel: Most travellers.
First class: Premium passengers and frequent flyers.
Windsor suite: Royals, celebrities, the new Pope and (for one time only) me.
Regular terminal: Free.
First class lounge: Free with first class ticket.
Windsor suite: Packages start at £3,177 (+VAT) for you and three guests. Access is reserved for high-profile travellers or can be booked separately if you're in business or first.
MORE: Emirates business class review: I 'turned left' — now I'm ruined for life
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