Asking Eric: I'm lonely
As I no longer drive, thank God, there are days when I do not see or hear from anyone. I know lots of people, and I get lonely and sometimes cry. I have come to terms with Alzheimer's. It is the lack of social events that brings me down.
I am lonely. What do you suggest?
– Wanting Company
Dear Company: I'm so sorry to hear that you're lonely. It doesn't have to be this way. Illnesses like Alzheimer's can be isolating, but there are ways that your friends and your husband can show up for you. Start by writing down a list of social connections that you're missing and share it with your husband. Ask him to help by thinking through alternatives or modifications that meet you where you are. You and your care team know your capacity. While some things might not be workable anymore, prompting your husband to think creatively might open some new doors for you. As you write, he means well, but it would appear he's not fully grasping some of the most difficult parts of your experience.
This isn't your problem to solve alone, of course. But giving your husband – and, perhaps, close friends – concrete ways they can show up for you may make them better advocates and give you back some of the connection you're seeking.
Additionally, you may want to make use of an Alzheimer's support group – online or in person. You can find great resources at alz.org. Not only do these groups connect you with people who understand what you're going through, but they'll also provide meaningful social connections.
Dear Eric: We've had some improvements done on our home lately, and for each job I would get quotes from two different contractors for comparison. There would be the typical friendly back-and-forth between us and the contractors as we work out the details of their proposals.
My husband and I then go over the quotes and make our selection of contractors. I always follow up with the contractor we do not go with, thanking them for their time and their quote and offering a very short explanation (always politely worded) about why we went with the other contractor (price; lead time; etc.) as I think they would want some feedback as to why they weren't chosen.
These follow-ups are invariably met with radio silence. I understand that the contractor we did not go with has spent time with us which did not ultimately lead to a sale, which is undoubtedly disappointing for them. But as consumers, my husband and I need to make the best choice of where and how we spend our money, especially on big-ticket home improvements costing thousands of dollars.
Am I wrong to expect any sort of reply from a contractor after declining their quote? If I go into a store and ultimately do not end up buying something, I am 100 percent more likely to return to the store or recommend the store to someone else if I hear 'thanks for coming' or 'have a good day' as I am leaving. I appreciate their good will. If the contractors we don't go with would even reply with a stock email saying that they hope they can work with us on a future job, I would definitely consider them again. But being ignored just doesn't sit right with me. Isn't at least an acknowledgment of our final communication in order? Or am I expecting too much from a contractor who didn't get our business?
– Confused Homeowner
Dear Homeowner: Having worked with my share of contractors, I can attest it can be difficult to get and hold their attention sometimes. And I get it – every moment they spend replying to an email or doing a consultation is a moment they're not billing on a project. It's a volume game. And it's different from other sales jobs, like the insurance agent who checks in every year.
So, grant them a little grace, even if this particular touch point is a little short-sighted. It is in their best interest to end the interaction on a good note. You're paying for craftsmanship and skill, and part of that skill involves good communication. But, if you liked other aspects of their work and wish to hire them in the future, proceed with caution but don't let this deter you too much.
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"From 48, my mental health and cognitive condition deteriorated significantly," she said, "and I was unable to recover, spending a lot of the time sectioned on psychiatric wards." Hormones and Mental Health Newson said: "Hormonal changes are a major factor in many women's mental health, particularly during the perimenopause and after childbirth, as well as women with premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), yet they're often overlooked in psychiatric care. "As a result of this inadequate education, women are frequently given antidepressants, antipsychotics and other unnecessary treatments without exploring whether hormonal changes might be part of the cause. Women need to have a more informed approach that considers both mental health and hormones together." Hayley became agoraphobic as her delusions made it hard to leave her home and she self-medicated with alcohol. Screenshots from TikTok showing Hayley and her son enjoying a Robbie Williams concert this summer. Screenshots from TikTok showing Hayley and her son enjoying a Robbie Williams concert this summer. TikTok/@drlouisenewson Life After Recovery "Since my recovery with HRT, I love having my grandchildren stay with me at the weekends and we have the loveliest of times," Hayley said. "I also spend time with my children enjoying concerts, meals out and doing the things we missed out on as they grew up. "I have a newfound lust for life and motivation which I haven't experienced in decades. Few things worry me and my confidence has generally returned. Despite having suffered for most of my adulthood and the elements of lasting damage, I feel so fortunate to be able to finally create many special memories in such a short space of time." Now Hayley is making up for lost time with her family, something her son admires greatly. "Never in a million years did I think we would have ever achieved what we have done in the past year," he said. "I feel a great sense of achievement and satisfaction that the hard work and perseverance in advocating for my mum and finding the answers has paid off more than we ever could have imagined."
