Like JoJo Siwa, I dated a man after women — we're both still queer

Metro

2 days ago

Ever since JoJo Siwa and Chris Hughes left Celebrity Big Brother in April, speculations surrounding their relationship have followed them.
Throughout their time in the house, their friendship only grew closer and closer; they were constantly seen cuddling together in bed, enjoyed a few memorable moments in the hot tub, and were generally inseparable for the two-week experiment.
Former Dance Moms star JoJo also made a couple of realisations about her gender and sexuality while inside the house, notably stating that she could potentially identify as non-binary, that she's still exploring her gender identity, and even changing her label from lesbian to queer.
The pair's relationship has continued to blossom outside CBB too, as their latest selfie (posted on Chris's Snapchat) shows JoJo asleep on his chest. They've also now officially confirmed their relationship is 'not platonic anymore'.
'I'm absolutely head over heels for him and he's the same way,' she added.
What I can't shake from my mind though is the endless criticism that JoJo has faced in the wake of CBB. The worst bit? Many of them are LGBTQ+ – and it reeks of bi and queerphobia.
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'What happened to gay pop?' @funinika penned on X, formerly Twitter, while @MissTostapane said that the 'straightification of JoJo Siwa wasn't on my bingo card.'
'Chris Hughes posting a picture of himself in bed with the self-proclaimed inventor of gay pop, JoJo Siwa, on the first day of Pride Month has got to be some sort of homophobia?' @brvttie added, and @lesbianyoshi accused JoJo of being a 'lesbophobe.'
Now, like JoJo Siwa, I too changed how I identified – but having previously dated women, the fact that I've been dating a man for the last six years doesn't make me any less bisexual.
The first time I came out – when I was about 18, following a few drunken confessions to my friends on nights out – I told the world I was bisexual. But a couple of years later, having only really dated women while I was at university, I changed my label to lesbian for a brief period. At the time, it felt the most fitting, and I confidently explored my identity.
Fast forward to 21, though, and I boomeranged back to bi. Shortly afterwards, I met my partner, and the rest is history.
Time and time again though, I've felt invalidated for being a queer woman who is dating a man.
There have been times where I've been made to feel like switching my label was somehow a betrayal of my queer identity (friends have jokingly suggested that I 'was a lesbian' until I met my boyfriend), and that I'm 'less than' for choosing to date a man when I could date a woman instead. But that's not how falling in love works, is it?
I don't choose people to date purely based on their gender; for me, it's personality and shared interests that are attractive. And in the future, I actively want my kids to know that I'm not straight – even if I might be married to a man.
Likewise, any suggestion that I'm heterosexual because I'm in a straight-facing relationship is offensive to me – and I'm forever correcting people along these lines.
While I might be dating a man and I recognise the privilege that this affords me in situations that might be unsafe for LGBTQ+ couples in same-sex relationships, the simple fact that I'm bisexual means it innately doesn't fit the definition of a 'straight' relationship.
Just because my partner isn't a woman – and I changed how I identify a couple of times – that doesn't mean that I'm not as equally as queer as a woman who is dating another woman. More Trending
I'm forever wanting to stay connected with my community; I never stopped going to LGBTQ+ clubs, and Pride is still a yearly event in my calendar. It always will be.
So, the fact that JoJo Siwa is now seeing a man doesn't make her any less queer. And while I don't necessarily condone the circumstances in which they got together – with JoJo's ex-partner forced to watch their relationship unfold and eventually being broken up with less than 24 hours after she left the house – sexuality can be very fluid.
It's offensive to suggest that she's somehow 'less than' or a 'fake lesbian' because she realised that her previous label wasn't quite the right fit. It happens.
Admitting as such takes guts, particularly in the public eye; sometimes, we're not born knowing everything about ourselves. We have to take a little bit of time to explore it – and that's OK.
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