6 surprising signs you're lonely according to experts

Yahoo

2 days ago

Loneliness is a deeply personal experience that can affect anyone, often in ways we don't immediately recognise.
While it's easy to associate it with being physically alone, the reality is far more nuanced. Loneliness can be emotional, social, or even existential, manifesting through feelings of disconnection, emptiness, or being misunderstood, even when surrounded by others.
As Loneliness Awareness Week (9–15 June) reminds us, this feeling is not a personal failure or weakness; it's a natural part of life that most people experience at some point.
According to the Campaign to End Loneliness, in 2022, nearly half (49.63%) of adults in the UK – approximately 26 million people – reported feeling lonely at least occasionally, with some saying they felt lonely often or always.
But loneliness doesn't always show up in obvious ways. Yahoo UK spoke to two experts to unpack the lesser-known signs and offer advice on what you can do if you're struggling.
Relationship expert and British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy-accredited counsellor, Georgina Sturmer tells Yahoo UK: "When we feel lonely, it can be tempting to fill our diary with as much as possible or surround ourselves with people all the time. But the problem is that when we feel lonely, what we really crave is not the company of lots of others but a real sense of connection."
Sturmer says that it is possible to feel lonely in a crowded room, to which Ruth Lowe, the head of loneliness services at the charity Age UK, agrees. She adds that the key to tackling this feeling is forming meaningful relationships.
"If you're out with lots of people, but you don't actually feel connected to them or like they care about you, or you don't have any meaningful connection there, then you can feel even lonelier," she explains.
Lowe says that loneliness can also result in people declining social invitations.
"Somebody declining invites and not engaging in things they used to might think, 'Maybe I'm declining these things because I don't want to go anymore.' But it could be that you are feeling lonely and you are struggling with your confidence," she continues.
"Loneliness can bring up a lot of negative thoughts and feelings. People might actually start to feel nervous about going to things and start thinking, 'Does anybody actually want me there?' Because it impacts your self-worth."
Lowe says that loneliness can result in you feeling angrier or more emotional than usual.
"You might find that things are continuing to go round in your head, and maybe you're overthinking things. You might experience moods that make you behave or act in ways that you don't usually," she explains.
"Loneliness isn't a mental health condition, but it is closely linked to our mental health and our mental wellbeing."
Loneliness also might inhibit you from taking time off work, or it might drive you to say 'yes' to extra projects, even if you're already feeling stressed.
"Work might be full of pressure and deadlines, but it often offers us a certain level of structure and an opportunity to escape from other worries," Sturmer explains.
The counsellor says you may also experience "free time anxiety," explaining that in a society that prizes friendship, spending time alone can make you feel like a failure.
2.1 million older people (15%) say they take less care of themselves when they're lonely, according to research by Age UK.
"Loneliness can make it feel like there's no point in your existence, that you don't have a purpose. That might mean that you're struggling to make the effort and get the motivation to take care of yourself, to take care of the space that you live in," Lowe shares.
This sign of loneliness is cross-generational, as Sturmer states that it can result in anyone feeling like they are "not good enough," leading to low self-esteem.
"When we think about self-care – eating well, exercising, getting out in the fresh air – it's important to recognise that we are only able to look after ourselves if we feel that we deserve to do so," she says.
"And then it becomes harder to prioritise ourselves and to do the things that we need to do in order to feel healthy and well."
According to Sturmer, when you're in a state of loneliness, it's natural to crave connection. While people will often seek comfort online, she warns against this.
"At a very surface level, it might feel that scrolling on social media delivers us a sense of connection, so we can find ourselves scrolling mindlessly through our newsfeed. However, that social media feed might actually amplify our loneliness," she says.
Some people turn to drugs and alcohol to help them ignore their feelings of loneliness. Lowe explains: "Loneliness can make you feel like you've got very little self-worth, and people might try and find solace in using drugs or alcohol to try and make themselves feel better, to try and numb how they're feeling."
Lowe recommends speaking to someone about your feelings, whether it be a family member, friend or a GP.
"We know that talking about loneliness can be difficult. It can take a lot of courage, but the most powerful thing you can do for yourself is speak to someone and say the words out loud," she says.
"1.1 million older people feel embarrassed to talk about their feelings of loneliness, and they might not feel as comfortable as younger people do to talk about their emotions and their mental health. Older people can contact Age UK for support, and there are other organisations out there for different groups of people."
Lowe says it's important to take small steps to improve your situation. She advises against joining multiple groups and clubs at once, as that could be overwhelming.
"Try and take small steps. It could just be something like, 'I'm going to try and reach out to a friend that I haven't spoken to for a little while. I'm going to send them a message or give them a call.' Don't put too much pressure on yourself to do too much too soon, especially if you are feeling quite down about yourself."
Volunteering is a great way to expand your social circle and can help when you're experiencing any negative feelings.
"Meet new people, give yourself a sense of purpose, and give yourself some routine. Having people relying on you and going to do something can really help," Lowe says.
Read more about loneliness:
Loneliness increases as we age, study suggests (PA Media, 3-min read)
5 ways loneliness can negatively affect your health (PA Media, 4-min read)
The loneliness myth: what our shared stories of feeling alone reveal about why you can't 'fix' this very human experience (The Conversation, 15-min read)