Why me? Unpacking the silent burden of survivor's guilt

Hindustan Times

17 hours ago

Vishwash Kumar Ramesh, a British-Indian businessman, was returning to London from Ahmedabad when the Air India flight AI171 crashed just minutes after takeoff. Of the 241 passengers and crew on board, he was the sole survivor. His brother Ajay, who was also on the flight, didn't make it.
'The plane broke, and my seat came off. That is how I was saved,' he told doctors at the Ahmedabad hospital where he's being treated. However, while speaking to his family over video call, Vishwash expressed disbelief: 'I don't know how I am alive.'
For survivors of such traumatic events, the road to recovery is often as much mental as it is physical, with some of them struggling with psychological distress known as survivor's guilt.
Survivor's guilt often follows tragedies like crashes, attacks, or disasters, leaving survivors asking, 'Why me?' or 'Could I have done more?' A 2021 study in the Electronic Journal of Social and Strategic Studies found that reactions to such incidents can vary based on factors like damage severity, proximity, incident cruelty, and coping skills.
Neuro-psychologist Deeksha Parthsarthi at PSRI Hospital in Delhi explains, 'Survivor's guilt often appears as deep sadness, confusion, or a sense of unworthiness. Events replay in the mind, even when the situation was out of control. This is the brain's way of trying to make sense of a situation that feels too big and too painful. Blaming yourself feels easier than accepting the incident and the unpredictability of life. '
Stephen Joseph, a psychologist at the University of Warwick, studied survivors of the MS Herald of Free Enterprise disaster, where 193 of 459 passengers died in 1987. He found that 60 per cent of survivors felt survivor's guilt. He explained three types. First, guilt for staying alive while others died. Second, guilt for not helping enough, which caused people to relive the event again and again. Third, guilt for actions they took to survive, like climbing over others. These people often avoided thinking about what happened. Joseph's work shows how deeply survivor's guilt can affect people after a tragic event
They may struggle with sleep, avoid loved ones, or lose interest in life. Survivor's guilt can be quiet — a person may avoid certain places, stay constantly busy, or feel shame after moments of joy.
Personal relationships may get strained, causing feelings of unworthiness or excessive self-sacrifice. Milestones like birthdays may feel painful or undeserved, confusing loved ones.
Emotional burdens may cause sleep issues, withdrawal, poor concentration, fatigue, or loss of appetite, and can lead to anxiety or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Symptoms may also include helplessness, numbness, intense fear, irritability, low motivation, and suicidal thoughts.
- Inputs by neuro-psychologist Deeksha Parthsarthi
It might be a challenge to comfort someone experiencing survivor's guilt. Well-intentioned phrases like 'at least you're alive' or 'you should be grateful' may feel hurtful, while telling someone to 'be strong' or 'move on' may deepen their isolation.
What truly helps is simple presence — sitting quietly, listening without judgment, and offering gentle reassurance like, 'It's okay to feel this way' or 'You are not alone.'
Therapy and support groups can play a vital role in healing. Group settings remind survivors they're not alone, while one-on-one therapy provides a safe space to explore deeper emotions.
Daily habits such as journaling, walking, deep breathing, or engaging in creative activities like painting or music can make a difference.
Prioritising good sleep, eating well, and connecting with kind people can also matter more than we often realise.
- Inputs by Dr Sneha Sharma, psychiatrist and co-founder, Anvaya Healthcare
After the fatal 2021 shooting on the set of his film Rust that killed cinematographer Halyna Hutchins, Alec Baldwin shared on a TLC reality show that he had experienced suicidal ideation. His wife, Hilaria Baldwin, added, 'He has survivor's guilt… He goes back to that day; he wishes it were him. He would change places [with Hutchins] in a second.'
Actor Nina Dobrev revealed on Instagram that after narrowly escaping the January 2025 Los Angeles wildfires, she felt survivor's guilt. 'I have been absolutely sick to my stomach with all the destruction and devastation that these fires have caused… I have been feeling survivor's guilt,' she had said.
Gura Pallay, a survivor of the 2023 Odisha train crash that killed 275, told reporters from his hospital bed that he was 'haunted' by what he had seen. Thrown from the train during the collision, he said, 'I never imagined something like this could happen.' Despite injuries, his deepest pain comes from surviving when so many didn't.