Rejection Stinks—Here's How To Deal With It, According to Experts

Yahoo

09-05-2025

The classic Rolling Stones song, "You Can't Always Get What You Want," is more than a timeless hit. It's a fact of life. Still, rejection doesn't feel great, whether you get turned down for a job, date or platonic happy hour invite. In the moment, it can feel impossible to figure out exactly how to deal with rejection."Rejection is hard because people all have a need to feel seen, accepted and loved," says Anna Hindell, LCSW-R, CIYT, an NYC-based licensed clinical social worker and Iyengar yoga teacher providing psychotherapy. "When people are rejected, their feelings of self-worth and acceptance are threatened."Just the word "rejection" has weight—and not the good kind."Rejection often carries a negative stigma, leading us to think there's something wrong with us," says Tina Fey, a relationship expert and founder of the love and dating website Love Connection.But, as the Rolling Stones song says, "If you try sometimes, well, you might find what you need." Experts shared how to flip the script and develop a positive outlook on rejection.Related: What To Say to Someone Who's Been Laid Off, According to Psychologists
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There are many different scenarios of rejection happening in life. Whether it's in the workplace, a romantic relationship or friendship/family relationship, there are a number of unique instances when we might feel jilted or abandoned.These situations largely require a lot of introspection and the right perspective to get through in a healthy way. Hindell and Fey share exactly what to do in the following events.
You made your resume, checked it twice and felt you really clicked with people during interviews. But you just got an email from the human resources rep at your dream company—thanks, but no thanks. If it helps, this type of rejection happens to basically everyone. You're not alone."If you apply for enough jobs, you will get a rejection," Hindell says.Still, it can sting, especially if you were already envisioning yourself working there. Work can feel personal and like a part of our identity, but not getting a job isn't a total reflection of you as a human being.
"Taking the rejection in stride and not taking it as a personal attack is key to moving through difficult feelings," Hindell says. Before hanging up the phone or deleting the email, respond with grace."Thank the interviewer for the opportunity to interview and for their time and consideration," Fey adds. "Politely inquire about areas where you could improve or what the company is looking for in a candidate. This feedback can help you in future job searches."
Then, keep sending out your resume—or focus on your current gig."Don't let the rejection consume you and impact your work performance," Fey says. Focus on the present and future, not the past."Related: The Benefits of Mindfulness—Here's How to Live In the Here and Now (And Why You Should)
Unlike an external job rejection, you still have to work with the people who decided not to promote you. Awkward much? It doesn't have to be."Avoid getting defensive or negative, even if the rejection feels personal," Fey says. "Maintaining a professional demeanor shows respect and maturity."There may still be opportunities to show your worth to the company or pad your resume to find your desired role elsewhere. "Ask for additional responsibilities or projects to work on to demonstrate your value and help you grow professionally," Fey says.
If you think you deserved the promotion, look forward—even if it means acknowledging you've reached your ceiling at your current employer. "Network with others in your industry and seek out opportunities to learn and develop new skills that can enhance your chances of success in the future," Fey says.Related: If You Use These 8 Unexpected Phrases, You Have Higher Self-Confidence Than Most, Psychologists Say
You mustered up the courage to ask someone on a first date. You may have even practiced what you would say in front of a mirror or with your dog. Turns out, you'll be spending Friday night with your pup because the person said no.Your next steps will depend on your current relationship with the person."When it comes to dating, being rejected by someone you don't know well can be a little easier to handle than rejection from someone close to you," says Fey. "The rejection is less personal."
The lack of emotional connection is a silver lining. Fey says the person likely isn't interested in a relationship–lick your wounds and look to reel in another fish in the sea. It can feel a bit murkier if had an established friendship with the person. But it doesn't mean you need to go through a friendship break-up."Try to avoid any awkwardness or tension between the two of you by having an open and honest conversation about how you both feel," Fey says. "Reassure your friend that your friendship is important to you, regardless of whether or not you are dating. Remember to maintain your boundaries and keep your interactions friendly but not flirtatious."Related: Women Who Are Lonely in Life Often Display These 10 Behaviors Without Realizing It, Psychologists Say
They say it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. But getting dumped is the pits. It can leave a gaping hole in your schedule for you to dwell on the also-gaping hole in your heart."Want to know what makes getting dumped so challenging?" Fey asks. "It's because it not only hurts our emotions but also our self-esteem."But you can emerge stronger. First, Fey suggests prioritizing your mental and emotional health. "Take a step back from social media and focus on spending time with the people who matter most to you—your friends and family," Fey says. "This time will help you process your feelings and heal."
Your former flame may want to remain friends. That's up to both of you. "If you feel like you need to talk to the person who dumped you, be honest about your emotions," Fey says. "Let them know that you're hurting and need time and space to heal. However, if you're open to maintaining a friendship, express that too."Related: Living in the Present Isn't Always Easy—Here Are 50 Mindfulness Quotes To Help Make It Happen
Everyone at work is psyched for the weekend. They're all going to hang out together at a party. Your invite didn't get lost in your inbox. You simply didn't get one—on purpose—from a work clique you thought you were a part of."Being left out of a social event can be tough, especially if it's someone you're just getting to know," Fey says. "But here's the thing, it's not the end of the world, and there's always next time."Keep things in perspective. "There is a likely reason you weren't included, such as you don't know the person so well, or they are keeping the party small," Hindell says.
But don't deny your feelings, either. "Start by reflecting on your feelings," Fey says. "It's normal to feel hurt or left out, but don't let it consume you."
There's no need to sit home and wallow. "Focus on finding other ways to socialize and have fun, whether it's with other friends or by trying out a new hobby," Fey says. "It's also a good idea to remind yourself of your own self-worth, and that one event does not determine your value as a person."
No rejection does.
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