Cancer Diaries: EPF comes through, while I start turning into the Tin Man

Malay Mail

3 days ago

JUNE 4 — Last week I talked about the unexpected challenges of getting my EPF medical withdrawal application approved.
The good news is that it's sorted and for the moment, I can set any money concerns aside and just focus on building up my strength.
I'm grateful that it has all been resolved and thankful to the EPF staffers who, throughout all this, have always been polite and as helpful as they could be, all things considered.
Since my last column I've made visits to my physiotherapist and the dentist.
Alas, I've been too tired and weak to keep up my rigorous dental routine so I needed to extract a wisdom tooth as well as patch up a few cavities.
What's more pressing is that my body is so stiff that I have to pause, steady my core muscles and pray each time I need to get up.
I asked my physiotherapist if my body was supposed to be like this — muscles hard and stiff, legs especially so.
He said no, it was rather unusual but he joked that my legs had had to carry me throughout such a challenging journey.
I've tried various stretches and exercises, muscle relaxants and finally multiple sessions with my handheld TENS/EMS machine but relief has been difficult to find.
The EMS machine has helped me loosen up my left quad but I overdid it on my right leg so I'm hobbling around with multiple heat plasters slapped on wherever I feel pain — they need to make a whole body heat plaster as at this point there's very little surface area that doesn't hurt.
From my reading, it's likely what's going on is from the cumulative effects of all my cancer treatments, inflammation from recovering from surgery, and general muscle weakness.
There's nothing that can be done besides just doing my best with at-home rehab, finding time to take walks around the neighbourhood, while bringing my cane to ward off my creepy neighbourhood stalker uncle.
I miss my dog most right now because a cane is no substitute for a protective canine companion but I don't have the stamina nor the headspace for a new pet.
My one remaining cat is currently mad at me and has gone off in a huff to hang out with neighbours, as she does not appreciate her daily routine being disturbed with how often I sleep in or need to stay elsewhere for medical reasons.
When she does make her appearance she will perch on top of a chair to nag me, perhaps a reproach for not adhering to her feeding schedule.
My days are spent napping, exercising, laughing at TikTok videos. and mostly ignoring whatever is going on in the local political scene because whatever I have read makes my eyes hurt from all the rolling they've been doing.
The silliness in Malaysian politics is never ending and while I do like the occasional dose of unseriousness, there are more pressing issues to be faced.
We are still bleeding workers in the public healthcare system, we still keep getting conned by 'build another highway' rhetoric in addressing traffic congestion, and the loud rumblings about the cost of living are becoming ominous enough for the people who should be listening to them.
I resume immunotherapy this week and am not looking forward to another round of 'find the vein'.
Still, thinking back on how much has happened since my diagnosis last year, I have a lot more to be grateful for than to grieve.
On Reddit, a man posted asking for recommendations for what games to play on the Steamdeck he was gifted 'before I die'.
His cancer has not been responsive to treatment, his prognosis bleak so he is just finding comfort in his greatest joy — video games, because his body is too weak for him to do much else.
I think of him often as well as a man in Gaza, Mohammed, who on Monday said goodbye to his cat, Leo.
It was a sad day on social media too as there were many, myself included, who'd followed Mohammed's journey with his feline companion, surviving so many attacks on their homeland.
Mohammed's devotion to seeking out vet care and food for his cat, even while living in the middle of a genocide, is a stark contrast to those careless Malaysians who dump their cats at wet markets.
Leo died from starvation in the end as food for humans, what more for pets, is scarce now in Gaza, with a bag of flour now costing US$500 (RM2,126) due to scarcity.
Mohammed is now seeking funds to help feed his family including his sister's very young children so if you can spare some ringgit, you can send some over to him at his campaign here.
Will there still be Gazans left by the time I finish my cancer treatment?
It would be easy to turn inward and think only of surviving my cancer but the world still goes on; my cancer will not get better by turning away from the sadness out there.
In a better world, Leo would be lazing on a cushion being doted on by Mohammed's young family members, and there would be laughter and peace in Palestine.
Believing that a better world is possible is necessary and almost an act of defiance in this present time.
I will stay believing and advocating because hoping for something better is a shared dream of all humanity, even if some of us don't realise that yet.
May Gaza in my lifetime be a safe place for its people, their children and even, yes, their pets.