Why Neena Gupta forbade daughter Masaba from living with her fiance before marriage: ‘They separated, and I was devastated'

Indian Express

9 hours ago

Neena Gupta's bold take on love, relationships, and dating has prompted several people to pause and reflect. Her personal experiences have reimagined conventional notions laid down for women in society, and the actor has been associated with all things progressive and empowering. During a recent conversation with podcaster Ranveer Allahabadia, the Badhai Do actor, however, surprised audiences with her somewhat traditional views on live-in relationships and marriage.
When her daughter expressed the desire to live with her fiancé before marriage, Neena firmly said no. She explained that marriage has its own phases, and it's only by staying together through difficult times that real understanding and strength are built. However, Masaba's experience had her rethinking her take.
'When Masaba came to me before getting married, she didn't want to marry initially. She said she wants to live with her future husband. Somewhere or the other, my motherly instinct kicked in. I said, 'No, you will not shift with him'. You get married,' recalled the actor.
However, sharing how it turned out to be hasty advice on her part, she added, ' It was a mistake. They separated, and I was devastated. I could not imagine. When she told me, I was completely numb for a month, as if I had nothing. It was a very difficult time.'
Counselling psychologist Athul Raj told indianexpress.com that what holds a relationship together long-term isn't the wedding. 'It's the consistency, the communication, and how people respond to each other when things aren't easy. In a live-in setup, the commitment may not be legal, but the emotional contract is just as real — sometimes more so,' he said.
According to him, long-term live-in couples often stay together not because of external expectations, but because the relationship still works for both of them. 'When couples don't have the label of marriage, they often communicate more intentionally. There's no assumption of permanence, so there's more effort to understand each other, repair after conflict, and check in about goals and values,' he shared.
Emotionally, relationships tend to evolve with fewer assumptions. Roles are negotiated rather than inherited. Boundaries are spoken, not implied. Raj believes the absence of a formal title doesn't take away from the depth of the bond. If anything, it requires a deeper clarity–about what both people want, how they define loyalty, and how they handle vulnerability.
Raj noted that commitment in Indian societies is often only recognised if it fits a familiar format–most often, marriage. So when a couple says they're fully committed but not married, it can create discomfort in families and social circles.
Couples should be encouraged to define their relationship privately before responding publicly. 'Are you emotionally aligned? Do you see a shared future? Do you feel safe and respected? If those answers are clear, it becomes easier to face external pressure without being destabilised by it,' he suggested.
Raj also added that it is completely normal to feel hurt when others don't understand your choices. 'But when that happens, what couples need to remember is that legitimacy doesn't come from other people's approval. It comes from how the relationship feels on the inside,' he said, adding that it is important to acknowledge that unconventional choices often come with some loneliness.
'There may be moments when your bond feels invisible to others. That can sting. But if your partnership is clear, connected, and real to you, that becomes its form of validation,' he concluded.