'My world came crashing down': Woman shares grief after losing boyfriend to substance abuse, mental health struggles, Singapore News

AsiaOne

3 days ago

She will never forget Chinese New Year of 2024, when her world came crashing down.
Her boyfriend, who had a history of substance addiction, died unexpectedly — leaving her to pick up the pieces and face the trauma of losing the love of her life.
Speaking to AsiaOne, the 33-year-old, who wished to be known only as Nelly, reflected on how an ordinary meeting with him turned out to be the last.
According to Nelly, her late boyfriend, Jeremiah (not his real name), 30, was under immense stress as he tried to recover from substance abuse while also struggling to find a job after several failed attempts.
"I knew he was under a lot of stress trying to find a job while working through his recovery. I felt really overwhelmed at times, but I still tried to be there for him whenever I finished work," she said, sharing that she is still coming to terms with losing someone she loved in an instant due to substance abuse.
"He was experiencing depression due to the pressures of finding a job and other challenges in his life. I was really worried he would return to using drugs as a way to cope with the emotional strain," she added.
During that period, Jeremiah was staying with his grandmother, as his relationship with his parents had grown distant due to his substance abuse issues.
"His relationship with his parents was tense, but they still kept in regular contact with him," Nelly added. 'Most heartbreaking and difficult experience'
Recounting the fateful day, Nelly said it was the "most heartbreaking and difficult experience" she has ever gone through, and she still thinks about him often.
"It happened on the last day of Chinese New Year in 2024, in the evening. I was at home when I received a distress call from him," she recalled.
She went to meet him, thinking it would be just like the other calls she'd received from him in the past.
"When I arrived, everything seemed alright before the situation escalated, eventually involving the police. I didn't expect him to act so rashly, and seeing him take his own life just broke my heart.
"I hope he knows that his actions have deeply affected the people who loved him the most," said Nelly.
After the incident, Nelly found it extremely difficult to inform Jeremiah's parents, unsure of how to break the devastating news. But after doing so, they were understanding towards her.
"My world came crashing down the moment he left. There were many times when I wondered, 'What if I had done more to help him? Maybe none of this would have happened,'" she said.
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Following the tragedy, Nelly attended several counselling sessions as she battled guilt and grief.
She now hopes to use her story to raise awareness about the dangers of substance abuse and its deep impact on individuals and their loved ones.
"I want people who are in similar shoes as Jeremiah to know that they are not alone. There are people ready to support you, along with support centres and lifelines available when you need someone to talk to — even if you wish to remain anonymous," she said.
"I'm sharing my story so that others in similar situations know it's never too late to seek help — and to encourage them to think twice before acting impulsively, because even one small action can deeply affect the people who care about you." 'No signs of despair'
Also accompanying Jeremiah during his most difficult times was his counsellor, Whitney Mah.
Mah told AsiaOne that when she first met Jeremiah, he was already struggling with addiction among other issues.
"When Jeremiah first came to me for counselling, it was for his addiction and personal struggles. Leading up to the incident, he showed no signs of despair," said the 36-year-old, who has been a counsellor for over eight years.
According to Mah, Jeremiah had been attending counselling sessions at WeCare for about two years before the incident.
Mah shared that even a seemingly functioning adult can become addicted, and its effects are often not immediately apparent.
"Individuals who are struggling with addiction can be functioning adults — going through school, working, and some even excelling at what they do — while engaging in addictive behaviours," said Mah.
Mah also pointed out that, after the tragedy, Nelly approached her to seek grief counselling and help in dealing with the trauma.
"Witnessing such an incident involving a loved one can be traumatic, often accompanied by feelings of guilt and confusion while they try to find acceptance," said Mah.
In 2024, a total of 314 suicide deaths were reported in Singapore, with the highest increase recorded among adults aged 30 to 39.
According to data from the Immigration and Checkpoints Authority's Registration of Births and Deaths Report 2024, published in July, suicide remained the leading cause of death among youth aged 10 to 29 for the sixth consecutive year, The Straits Times reported.
In 2024, The Samaritans of Singapore provided in-person counselling services and support groups to 1,112 individuals who struggled with suicide thoughts or attempts, as well as those who have lost loved ones to suicide. Samaritans of Singapore: 1800-221-4444
Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283-7019
Care Corner Counselling Centre (Mandarin): 1800-353-5800
Institute of Mental Health's Mental Health Helpline: 6389-2000
Silver Ribbon: 6386-1928
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