Why having a massive public row with your boss rarely ends well

RTÉ News​

3 days ago

Analysis: The spat between Donald Trump and Elon Musk is a vivid example of how a massive blowup with your boss can be destructive and dangerous
The increasingly bitter spat between Donald Trump and Elon Musk has dominated the news cycle of late. Until a few days ago, they presented the appearance of being best buddies, but Musk's criticism of the "Big Beautiful Bill" that Trump is trying to get through Congress (which would enact tax cuts, cuts social funding, increase defense spending and lead to a substantial increase in America's already massive deficit) led to a serious breach between these two self-styled titans.
Trump and Musk are now trading insults on their respective social media platforms (X and Truth Social), with Musk claiming that Trump would not have won the election without his help and Trump musing that it might be time to cancel Musk's many contracts with the US government. This has quickly degenerated into the type of brawl usually seen in the schoolyard, and pundits are having a field day.
From RTE Radio 1's Brendan O'Connor Show, former journalist Mark Little on why he's backing Elon Musk in his schoolyard brawl with Donald Trump
Beneath the childishness of their feud, there are serious issues. It is certainly an expensive fight for Trump and Musk, with Tesla stock losing over $150 billion and the Trump crypto coin $Trump losing over $100 million in value over the last few days. It is also a vivid example of one of the most destructive and dangerous events that can happen in an organisation: a massive blowup at your boss. These rarely turn out well.
There are usually two scenarios that lead to this blowup with your boss. First is the case where you are completely in the wrong and probably in very hot water. For example, you make a mistake, your boss appropriately calls you out and you tell your boss to go soak his or her head (or something considerably more colorful). There is little to do here but hope that your boss is generous and forgiving.
From RTÉ Brainstorm, my boss is a psychopath: why bad people get good jobs
The second, and much more difficult situation, is where a blowup with your boss is the result of his or her unreasonable behavior. In a paper in Harvard Business Review, Annie McKee notes that many bosses lack the emotional stability to monitor and control their behavior.
These bosses can be abusive, and they can make their subordinates' lives miserable by yelling, displaying hostility toward their subordinates, insulting and denigrating them or simply sabotaging their work by withholding information resources needed to perform their jobs. These are the bosses who are most likely to provoke a blowup - and also the bosses least likely to forgive and forget.
Blowing up at an abusive boss can be dangerous in many ways. McKee suggests that the most important thing to do in this case is to protect yourself. If your boss is so abusive that you often feel on the verge or blowing up at him or her, it is a good bet that the culture of the business tolerates abuse, in part because the organisation is strictly hierarchical. This means that the presumption will often be that the boss is always right, and that no matter what the boss does, subordinates have no right to challenge it.
From RTE Radio 1's Brendan O'Connor Show, how to deal with a toxic boss
In this case, protecting yourself might start with developing a strategy for dealing with the fallout of a blowup. Do you have powerful allies? Do you have a realistic exit strategy? If the answer to both these questions is no, you must do whatever you can to avoid a blowup.
A strategy for dealing with the physical and emotional toll of an abusive boss is every bit as important as developing an exit strategy. The targets of abusive supervision experience a range of negative effects, including elevated blood pressure, depressed immune systems, anxiety and depression.
Unfortunately, many employees respond to abusive supervision by suffering in silence or by retaliation, and neither of these is a very effective response. Suffer in silence and it is likely that the physical and psychological effects of stress will accumulate. Retaliate by blowing up at your boss and you will probably be out on the street in short order.
From RTÉ Radio 1's The Business, is being bold a good thing for the workplace?
There are productive ways of dealing with an absuive boss than hitting them over the head with something heavy. You should document the situation and events, manage the way you perform your job to minimise contact with and conflicts with the abusive supervisor and diagnose the likely causes of abusive supervision.
McKee suggests that you start with self-awareness and situational awareness. Are there things that you do or situations in the organization that contribute to your boss's behavior? Even if you cannot make large changes in the organization, having a better understanding of why your boss acts the way he or she does can help in managing the stress of dealing with an abusive boss.
Reacting to a bad boss is always difficult (even if it is sometimes hard to tell who is the bad boss as in the Trump-Musk feud), but there is one thing we know with confidence from the research on abusive supervision. The thing that might be most satisfying at the moment – blowing up at your boss – is a very bad idea.