1 of the most common reasons you feel numb to your wins—and how to fix it: 'Joy is an experience, happiness is an idea'
Graduating from college or receiving an award at work typically leaves people feeling proud of what they've accomplished and excited about what's to come.
But, some people can feel numb after achieving major goals in life.
"One of the most common reasons that people feel numb to wins is something called anhedonia," says Dr. Judith Joseph, board-certified psychiatrist and author of "High Functioning," a book about overcoming high-functioning depression.
"Anhedonia is when people lack feeling and pleasure in the things that they used to enjoy. For example, you used to enjoy going outside and being in nature, but now you don't get the same excitement. Or you used to enjoy your favorite music, and when it plays it doesn't light you up anymore."
Experiencing anhedonia, which is a symptom not a condition, is typically a sign of a mood disorder like depression. And, Joseph says, it is possible to combat that symptom and start experiencing more positive feelings after a big win.
In most cases, Joseph finds that people who feel numb to their wins have a philosophy of "I will be happy when..." before they set out to accomplish something.
"'I'll be happy when I get that job. I'll be happy when I have the partner. I'll be happy when I finish school or get into school,"' she says.
"We know from the research that the mentality of 'I will be happy when...' is a setup for complete unhappiness. It's counterintuitive."
Waiting for a major life event to make you happy delays your ability to experience the emotion now because it puts too much pressure on the future and doesn't allow you to live in the present. This way of thinking can also lead to what experts call the hedonic treadmill, which involves looking for your next big accomplishment immediately after you achieve something.
To combat anhedonia, Joseph suggests experiencing joy daily. "Joy is an experience. Happiness is an idea," she says.
You can incorporate bits of joy throughout your day by asking yourself questions like:
If any area feels like it's lacking, take one step to improve it.
If you usually eat lunch at your desk and don't savor your food, head outside instead or don't look at any screens until you've finished your meal. And when you're with your loved ones, make eye contact when you talk and be present in the conversation.
"We take those small things for granted, and then we end up feeling 'meh' or 'blah,'" Joseph says.
"It's the experience of these human sensations that make up joy. And when you add them up, that's what happiness really is."
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