Seeing Katy Perry and Lauren Sánchez return to Earth makes me want to leave it

Telegraph

14-04-2025

The latest series of Black Mirror, Charlie Brooker's dystopian anthology series about the horrors technology could wreak on the human race, landed on Netflix to strong reviews last week.
Today, I watched as the second wealthiest man in the world, cosplaying as an astronaut, gleefully locked his rocket's door behind him, then sent a pop star, a TV news anchor, a civil rights activist, a film producer and his own fiancée into outer space live on television, while two members of the Kardashian family provided studio commentary.
Somehow, these two sentences are entirely unconnected. What a world we inhabit. What a planet we live on. It had never held much appeal before, but all of a sudden – or at least, as soon as that rocket landed again, 10 minutes and 21 seconds after it took off – leaving Earth and never returning seemed not just attractive, but like a matter of necessity.
It's been almost two months since it was announced that Blue Origin, the space tourism company founded by centi-billionaire Amazon baron Jeff Bezos, would be running a sub-orbital spaceflight with an all-female crew including the pop superstar Katy Perry, Oprah's best friend Gayle King and the imminent Mrs Bezos, Lauren Sánchez. Collectively, though, we all had quite enough to process in 2025, so filed the matter under 'Stuff That Probably Won't Happen'.
Well, here we were, on a dry and dusty Monday morning in the deserts of West Texas (I'm not sure there's any other kind of Monday morning), watching Perry, King, Sánchez and the others sashay across a scaffold gangplank and squeeze into the tip of Jeff's rocket. Careful.
Why was Perry there? Why was King there? Who are the others? Why did they keep cutting to Kris Jenner and Khloé Kardashian as if they're the Alan Shearer and Micah Richards of rocket science? Was this Sánchez's hen party, and the super-rich equivalent of asking your friends to fly to Pattaya to prove how much they like you?
All very valid queries, but we had no time for answers, because it was 33-minutes to take off and if we know Amazon, the package will be dispatched faster than you can say 'Ah f---, that was to my old address'. The astronauts, dressed in figure-hugging space suits Sánchez designed herself after watching Thunderbirds, each had to ring a bell as they walked to their fate, like gold medal winners at the Paris Olympics.
Sánchez gave a namaste to the bell. Perry grinned, just glad she wasn't doing Just Eat adverts anymore. King, apparently a nervous flier even in a 747, looked as if she regretted every life choice that had ever led her to this moment. Meanwhile, the others – civil rights activist Amanda Nguyen, aerospace engineer Aisha Bowe and film producer Kerianne Flynn – moved through with barely a mention from the commentators.
And then there was Jeff. Bezos, inexplicably also wearing a space suit, clambered into the New Shepard rocket behind them. Broad, muscular, with a shiny white dome, huge dark lenses and the thrusting power of several men, New Shepard was very much built in its creator's image, and so he wasn't going to miss seeing the ladies off.
If this really was Sánchez's hen do, he was the groom who couldn't help but stop by. 'I'm so excited for you, I don't want to get off, I want to go with you, and when you get back, I can't wait to hear how it's changed you. I love all of you, see you soon. Godspeed. Gradatim ferociter,' he was heard telling them.
While seatbelts were fastened, there was time to kill. And so to Jenner and Kardashian, to discuss formations, tactics, and who had the stronger bench. Jenner, who came dressed as Robert Oppenheimer, revealed they were here to support their friends 'Lauren and Jeff'.
'I never thought we'd be talking to you from a space launch,' she said, not unreasonably. Khloé cut in. 'It's such a big day in history, and it's so empowering. My daughter is seven and, just to see something like this…'
But Jenner had something else to say. 'Kim keeps writing [to] us, because she was supposed to be with us but she's studying for law school and had a big test to take. Again, something I'm very proud of.' This didn't seem entirely relevant, but what the hell: T-22 minutes. It killed a few more seconds.
Up next came Oprah, in daffodil yellow, who had been practicing her reaction faces all week. 'I don't think I've ever been so calm,' she said. 'This is bigger than just going to space, this will be an everlasting experience [...] Gayle has been there for me for hundreds of events, I can't even remember them. None of us will ever forget this day.' It's already fading for me. After a hug, Oprah's interviewer ended on a note of menace: 'You're next, you know!'
The observation that history was being made kept coming up. This was the first all-female space flight since 1963 – a despicably long time, we can all agree, but quite whether the best candidates to inspire girls everywhere to believe they too can reach for the stars are a group of mostly celebrities with a combined net worth of more than $400 million, a personal connection to Jeff Bezos and two days' training is up for debate.
Right, we were ready. 'This right here is the moment they've been training for… for two days,' we were told. After a moment of grave pause, lift off. 'New Shepard has cleared the tower.' Oprah nailed her tearful reaction shot, birthing a new meme there and then. Suddenly we could hear audio from inside the capsule. Mainly, screams. The commentators kept promising Perry would sing but instead we heard Sánchez repeatedly implore that they all look at the moon.
You'd feel a little short-changed if you went all the way to outer space and your main takeaway was that you saw the moon, but who are we to judge? No, that's for Khloé Kardashian. And she did, picking it out after full-time. 'I heard the audio, they saw the moon! That is the coolest thing.' Wait until she goes out after sundown tonight.
'Welcome to space, ladies, or shall I say… astronauts,' the voiceover uttered, as the pod reached apogee. After five minutes, it was coming back to earth again. Cue another big fill for our punditry team. At one point they wondered aloud what the best part of watching a rocket launch is: the launch or the landing? Tricky, but the worst part is everything else.
Once on the ground, Bezos, now in jeans and a muscle T-shirt, arrived with a wrench to get the door open, then instantly fell in a hole, giving us the most entertaining moment of the day by some margin. Sánchez came out first, and looked grateful for it. 'We're getting married. If I didn't come back, that would be a bummer for me,' she soon said. It was a comment that could be taken several ways.
Jeff Bezos goes to greet his young fiancée Lauren Sanchez after the Blue Origin space flight and embarrassingly falls.
Bezos was fine and recovered quickly from pulling a Joe Biden. pic.twitter.com/tEaGFGnoOm
— Paul A. Szypula 🇺🇸 (@Bubblebathgirl) April 14, 2025
What had she learnt up there? 'That we're all in this together, we're so connected, more connected than we realise,' she kept repeating. Eyes peeled for changes to Amazon's tax arrangements in 2025/26, then. Then out came Perry, who instantly kissed the ground, as if to say she'll never leave it again. I counted them all in, and I counted them all back out again.
In Bezos's world, it's the last mile that counts, and this was the most careful package Amazon has ever delivered. Blue Origin NS-31 went there and came back, the earth keeps spinning, and now we're left to wonder what the point of all that was.