'We're not being selfish. We're just painfully realistic' - SG woman shares why she chooses to stay child-free

The Sun

01-06-2025

A heartfelt post by a Singapore-based woman in her late 30s has gone viral after she opened up about why she and her husband of eight years have chosen not to have children — despite constant pressure from family, friends, and society.
In the now widely shared post on Facebook, the woman shares how she and her husband are part of a growing number of couples opting out of parenthood — not because they don't want kids, but because they simply can't afford to raise them in today's economy.
'We're a dual-income household. On paper, it looks okay. But after paying off the mortgage, bills, groceries, elderly parents' medical needs and daily expenses—what's left?'
She highlighted that childcare fees can easily exceed SGD1,000 (RM3,292) a month, hiring a domestic helper comes with added responsibilities and costs, and asking one parent to stay home means sacrificing years of career growth—often with no return.
'We don't want to raise a child only to work ourselves to exhaustion every night just to stay afloat. We don't want to live on instant noodles by the 20th of every month.'
She also raised concerns about the future children would face: academic stress, screen addiction, mental health struggles, and the pressures of a hyper-competitive society.
'We're still in survival mode ourselves—how can we promise them a complete and safe world?
She confessed that she has a deep respect for anyone who chooses to be parents but hopes society stops using the 'traditional family template' to define happiness.
'You can't keep complaining about low birth rates while making it impossible for us to breathe.
'It's not that we don't want children—it's that the reality we live in doesn't allow us to bring them into this pressure-cooker of a city.
'Please stop asking us, 'So, when are you having kids?' We're already doing our best—just to live well.'